What kind of
car does Mickey Mouses wife drive?
A minnie van!
What did the tie say to the hat?
You go on ahead and Ill hang
What did the picture say to the wall?
Ive got you covered!
What is hairy and coughs?
A coconut with a cold!
Why did the lazy man want a job in a
So he could loaf around!
What is a tornado?
Mother nature doing the twist!
A Chronological Record of Events as they have
Transpired in the City and County since our last Issue.
The court instructed the clerk to write
a letter to F.S. Treadway, of Joplin, telling him that on
account of the acetylene gas being in the experimental
state the court could not consider a proposition to
install the machine in the court house unless the
manufacturers, being responsible persons, would enter
into contract to maintain the machine for five years.
The collector of revenue was released
from visiting McDonald, Lincoln, Sheridan, Madison,
Union, Jackson, Duval and Jasper townships.
The bridge commissioner was authorized
to advertise and let contract for repair of "lost
Charles Weston, of Barton county, was
here with his team and wagon yesterday, had one of his
horses attached by W. H. Hatch on a judgement for $10
which he had repeatedly refused to pay. His mother came
to his rescue with a secure note.
This ruling has little
affect on Carthage as most contracted work is
already completed for this year. Specs for the
R-9 Tech Center included this regulation. This
area of Missouri will mainly be affected by not
be able to use employees with residence in
Oklahoma. Illinois and Iowa workers will also be
Only Missouri laborers and
laborers from nonrestrictive states are allowed
by law to be employed on Missouris public
works projects when the unemployment rate exceeds
5% for two consecutive months. (See Sections
290.550 through 290.580 RSMo.) The unemployment
rate has exceeded 5% for the past two months.
Therefore, this statute is in effect and will
remain in effect as long as this notice is
Nonrestrictive states, which
includes the District of Columbia and the
territories, and the words "United
States" includes such district and
territories, as of January 2008 are: Alabama,
American Samoa, Arkansas, Georgia, Guam, Hawaii,
Indiana, Kansas, Kentucky, Louisiana, Maryland,
Michigan, Minnesota, Nebraska, New Hampshire, New
Mexico, New York, North Carolina, Northern
Mariana Islands, Ohio, Oregon, Pennsylvania,
Puerto Rico, Rhode Island, South Carolina,
Tennessee, Texas, Utah, Vermont, Virginia,
Washington and Wisconsin.
"Stress Test" 19
by Paul Kiel, www.ProPublica.org
In February, regulators began
performing "stress tests" on the
nations 19 largest banks in an effort to
see how much more money they need to survive a
steep economic downturn. Testing the banks
assets against a pessimistic economic scenario,
regulators will establish whether the bank needs
an "additional capital buffer". If so,
the bank will have three options. For banks that
need additional cash, they will have a six-month
window to raise it privately. If they cant
do that, the Treasury Department will come
through with an investment. And in some cases,
banks that have already taken bailout money will
be given the option to simply convert those
preferred shares to common stock.
Of the 19 companies undergoing
the stress tests (a list we first published in
early March), 18 of the companies have already
taken bailout cash.
by Paul Kiel, www.ProPublica.org
The stress test rumor mill
continues to heat up. "At least" six of
the 19 banks have been told they need more of a
capital buffer, Bloomberg reports. Meanwhile,
according to the Financial Times, Citigroup has
been scrambling to raise the additional capital
theyve been told they need, so that they
wont have to take even more bailout cash.
And the behind-the-scenes haggling between
regulators and the banks about the results of the
stress tests has led the government to push back
the public release of those results from Monday,
May 4, to possibly as late as Wednesday of next
There are at least a couple
a things that people dont understand.
They know what happens, they just cant
The scientists dont
know why clouds build up an electrical charge
that eventually turns into lightnin.
They can explain what happens from that point
on, but they still cant figure out why
the charge is there in the first place.
When a small child it
hooked up so they can see brain waves, the
sound of their parents voice sets off
an explosion of activity. Showin
em a favorite toy or food only
activates a small portion of brain waves.
In this age of
technological advance it somehow seems odd,
but I suppose there is some comfort in
knowin we dont know it all.
This is some fact, but
Just Jake Talkin.
Metcalf Auto Supply
Sponsored by Curry Automotive
CLICK and CLACK
by Tom & Ray
Dear Tom an Ray:
If a mechanic is not wearing a
wedding ring, is that a true indication of his
marital status? I think my mechanic is HOT, but
depending on your response to the ring issue,
Im also concerned that if he took me up on
a date offer, but found he didnt really
like me, Id loose a great mechanic. What do
you think? - Rachel
TOM: Absolutely! You cant
pass up the possibility of happiness just because
you might have to find a new mechanic!
RAY: Youre right about
the ring though. Most mechanics dont wear
wedding rings when they work. Mostly because
TOM: A ring can get caught on
things under the hood.
RAY: The other reason is
because they get all scuffed up. Most of us take
them off when we get to work, and put them in a
safe place in our toolboxes.
TOM: Ive got a whole
drawer full of wedding rings in my toolbox.
RAY: So, you need a different
way to determine whether your HOT mechanic is
available, Rachel. Heres what Id
TOM: Does it involve deception?
RAY: Of course! Tell him
youve been hearing a little creaking noise
when you go over speed bumps. Tell him its
been worrying you. And when he reassures you that
its nothing serious, you say, "So
youd feel safe letting your wife drive this
TOM: And if he says, "I
dont have a wife," then you say,
"OK, what about your girlfriend?"
RAY: And if says, "I
dont have a girlfriend either," you
say, "Want one?"
NASCAR THIS WEEK
By Monte Dutton
Strong for Petty, Dodge
With a new team and a new
outlook this season, Kasey Kahne is off to a
great start with the newly combined Richard Petty
And after the first seven races
of the Sprint Cup season, Kahne raced back into
the top-12 standings (10th after Texas) and after
a good showing in Atlanta.
"We had a good race. We
got behind on that one deal early in the race
there on pit road, and it took us a long time to
get our lap back," Kahne said. "We
actually ran second to Kurt (Busch) one lap down
for over 100 laps in the race. We finally got it
(lap) back and ended up with seventh, which I
think was pretty good. I think that we were more
of a fourth- or fifth-place car on a long run and
probably seventh early in the run. It worked out
good for us. Im real happy with where our
points are right now."
Kahne says hes benefited
from Pettys work ethic already this season.
"Hes just a cool guy
thats done a ton in this sport. Hes a
good guy to have on your side. From my side --
and I think everybody that sees him at the shop
walking around -- hes an icon. Now that he
hangs out there and is part of our teams,
its exciting and fun. It gives everybody a
Kahnes landed in the top
five once, top 12 twice and has averaged about a
14.6 finish. Kyle Busch and Kahne have become
Dodges top cars at this point in the
season. All of the manufacturers cars are
running with the long-awaited R6 engine.
"I think that the biggest
thing is that it shows the Dodge teams that, hey,
these cars can go fast. I think Kurt (Busch) is
showing that. ... I feel like the Dodges did a
real good job of making gains. We have a ways to
go, but we definitely did a good job up to this
With Phoenix ahead -- a track
Kahne has not run well at with only one top-five
finish and three top-10s in nine races -- the
driver says the good weather will add to great
conditions for a good race.
"To me, its a neat
place to go (race). We havent run that well
there," he said. "Weve kind of
been up-and-down there it seems like. ... Early
on (in my career) I did (in 2004). Since then, I
havent, and I need to step it up there and
figure out how to go fast there."
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