| today's
laugh A young man
reported for his first day of work at a supermarket. The
manager greeted him with a warm handshake and a smile,
gave him a broom and said, "Your first job will be
to sweep out the store." "But I’m a
college graduate," the young man replied
indignantly. "Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t know
that," said the manager. "Here, give me the
broom - I’ll show you how."
Three elderly men are at the
doctor’s office for a memory test. The doctor asks
the first man, "What is three times three?"
"274," came the reply. The doctor rolls his
eyes and looks up at the ceiling, and says to the second
man, "It’s your turn. What is three times
three?" "Tuesday," replies the second man.
The doctor shakes his head sadly, then asks the third
man, "Okay, your turn. What’s three times
three?" "Nine," says the third man.
"That’s great!" says the doctor. "How
did you get that?" "Simple," he says,
"just subtract 274 from Tuesday."
1908
INTERESTING MELANGE.
A Chronological Record of Events as they have
Transpired in the City and County since our last Issue.
Federal Building
Steel Here.
The steel for the roof of the new
Carthage federal building arrived this morning and was
unloaded and hauled to the building site at the corner of
Third and Maple streets. All the steel for the building
has arrived and most of it is in position. The roof will
be put in place at once.
As a result of the progress of
construction work, the big derrick utilized for handling
the material for this building was raised six feet this
morning. This was done by jacking up the foot of the
derrick and placing blocks under it, and at the same time
correspondingly adjusting the guy ropes which hold the
top of the derrick in place. This change was neccesary so
that the horizontal derrick-arm would clear the top of
the completed wall. No further changes to the derrick
will be neccesary.
--Everett Powers, M.D., Central
Nat’l bank building. Practice limited to eye, ears,
nose, and throat.
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Today's Feature
School Records On Line.
The Carthage R-9 School
district will begin school on August 20.
This year a number of parents are
expected to use the internet based Campus
Portal.
Campus Portal is a tool
for parents and students to access
instant, online, timely and secure
student information: class schedule,
assignments, attendance, discipline,
course registrations for next year,
report cards and transcripts.
According to the R-9
website, Campus Portal is a means to
further promote educational excellence by
enhancing their program of communication
with parents and students.
Parents of current
students are eligible to activate a
Parent Portal account, after agreeing to
the terms and conditions of use.
To access the portal a
parent needs internet access and any
computer capable of running the browser
Internet Explorer 5.0 or higher,
Macintosh or Windows. The site is located
at www.carthage.k12.mo.us
It is a free service to
parents, and is said to save the district
money by reducing paperwork and labor
costs.
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Just Jake
Talkin'
Mornin',Take a break.
Looks like the lows will be in
the 60’s for most of the week. Open the
windows and turn off the air conditioner. Sleep
like a baby.
My grandparents had a
sleepin’ porch. Screened in and onea those
fold up beds that made for more comfortable
summer nights. I don’t suppose anyone would
consider slippin on their night shirt and
utilizin’ such a simple summer solution
these days.
‘Course the night sounds
take some gettin’ used to. Crickets chirpin,
June bugs runnin’ into the screen in mid
flight and the occasional mosquito that slips
through a crack all just add to the overall
outdoor sleepin’ experience. Add in the
stiff back from sleepin’ on a portable bed,
and it’s easy to see why air conditioners
are so popular.
This is some fact, but mostly,
Just Jake Talkin’
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Weekly Columns
HERE’S A TIP
By
JoAnn Derson
•"To help my toddler
squeeze into shoes, I swipe the backs of his
heels with baby powder. It helps his feet glide
into the shoes." -- C.A. in New York
• "I keep a container
of baby wipes in the car. I started when my kids
were babies, but now I find them so handy, I
can’t stop. I use them to rinse my hands
after pumping gas, for cleaning up spills,
quickly dusting the dashboard, etc." -- T.K.
in Arizona
• "If you have
children who participate in muddy, dirty sports
and it’s your job to ferry them around,
listen up: Save your seats and floorboards with
paper grocery bags. Cut them open and line the
floor, or have the child remove his or her shoes
and place them in a bag so they will not get mud
and dirt on everything." -- R.K. in South
Carolina
•"Put a small stitch
in the middle of the bottom of your flat sheet in
a contrasting color. That way, it’s easier
to make the bed up correctly, without having to
check both sides for evenness." -- O.W. in
Minnesota
• If you need to dampen
clothing while ironing, try misting your ironing
board instead of the garment itself. The same
amount of water applies, but you save yourself
from getting water spots on the material.
• Go Green Tip: Check your
toilets for leaks. Add a few drops of food
coloring to the tank. If it appears in the toilet
bowl between flushes -- even if the toilet makes
no noise at all -- you have a leak. Get it fixed
ASAP, as you are, well, flushing money down the
toilet, so to speak.
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