The Mornin' Mail is published every weekday except major holidays
Thursday, February 19, 2009, Volume XVII, Number 171

did ya know?

Did Ya Know?... Class of 2009 Project Graduation will sponsor Hypnotist Mike Reeves, February 21st at 6:00 p.m., at the High School Auditorium. Tickets are $7.00 at the door, three and under are free.

Did Ya Know?... Wednesday, February 25th Dr. Lydia Keisler will be speaking about the effect of stress and how diabetes and heart disease are related. The event will be held at the McCune-Brooks Regional Hospital community room, 4 - 5:00 p.m.

today's laugh

Ways to Terrorize a Telemarketer

• Insist the caller is really your buddy Leon, playing a joke. "Leon, cut it out! Seriously, Leon, how’s your momma?"

• Tell them to talk VERY SLOWLY, because you want to write EVERY WORD down.

•After the telemarketer gives their spiel, ask him/her to marry you. When they get all flustered, tell them that you could not just give your credit card number to a complete stranger.

• When they ask "How are you today?" Tell them! "I’m so glad you asked because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these problems; my arthritis is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog just died..."

• Tell them you are on "home incarceration" and ask them to bring you a case of beer and some chips.

A Chronological Record of Events as they have Transpired in the City and County since our last Issue.

West Side Dining Hall Sold.

M. A. Latham sold his west-side dining hall under the Carthage National bank to Mrs. C. R. Driscoll and daughter. Mr. Latham will not remain in Carthage but is planning to join the other Carthage colonists at Carrington, North Dakota, in the near future. He wishes to express his thanks to patrons for past favors and to bespeak their good will for the new proprietors.

An Exciting Runaway.

Two young men from the country whose names could not be learned figured in an exciting runaway on West Limestone street near the Missouri Pacific depot yesterday afternoon. Their horse scared at a switch engine and dumped them into a ditch, buggy, horse, drivers and all. While they were extricating themselves the horse regained his feet, the buggy righted itself and the animal dashed off. The young men were uninjured and the last seen of them they were in pursuit of the runaway on foot.


Today's Feature

Personal Property Lists Due March First.

Jasper County Assessor, Donald E. Davis, reminds property owners, including businesses, that they must report all personal property owned or help on January 1st to the Assessor’s Office by March 1st, 2009. Those not returning a completed list to the assessor by the deadline may be subject to a penalty; ranging from $10 to $100 depending upon the value of the property. The statutes provide the assessor with almost no discretion to waive the penalties.

Davis said, "Until recently, few penalties were applied and lists were commonly filed late. The law was amended in 1994 to require the penalties, and, whether we like the law or not, compliance has increased dramatically."

In January, the assessor mailed every property owner reflected on the assessor’s records a form upon which the taxable personal property must be reported. If anyone failed to receive a form or lost the form, a new one can be obtained by contacting the assessor’s office at (417) 358-0437 or (417) 625-4355 or Room 207 at the Carthage Courthouse.

Just Jake Talkin'


I was sortin’ through over the weekend and came across the last four or five Ted Williams baseball cards from my childhood collection.

At one time I had close to all of the Williams cards. That is until a former relative saw that ad offerin’ to buy baseball cards. I got home from work one day and was gleefully presented with a ten dollar bill. I was supposed ta be happy that the guy paid a nickel a card for my collection.

I hadn’t thought of that situation for several years. I don’t know how these remainin’ cards escaped the sell-off, but I almost wish they had gone the way of the rest. They now just act as a reminder.

No, I they ain’t for sale for a nickel. They prob’ly aren’t worth a lot, but they do have some pleasant memories attached.

This is some fact, but mostly,

Just Jake Talkin’.

Sponsored by Metcalf Auto Supply




by Tom & Ray Magliozzi

Dear Tom and Ray:

I had a car accident. My vehicle would not stop because a brake line ruptured and the fluid leaked out. My wife says that it is because I am so heavy, and that the force I apply with my big, fat foot blew out the line. She says that if SHE had been stomping on the brakes, this wouldn’t have happened, because she is, uh, several pounds lighter than I am. Please say that I am right! - James (a fat guy in Wisconsin)

RAY: Well, she’s right that there is a relationship between the amount of force you apply with your foot and the amount of pressure in the brake lines, James.

TOM: But those brake lines are made of metal. And they’re designed to take as much pressure as any human being - no matter how circumferentially challenged - can lay into them. So there’s no way you blew a brake line just because your a porker, James. The brake line failed because it had rusted out and you hadn’t had anyone look at the brakes in a long time.

RAY: That’s especially important when you live in Wisconsin, where they use a lot of salt on the roads in the winter.

TOM: But we can say with complete confidence that your wife is 100 % wrong.

RAY: She can legitimately blame you for breaking the recliner in the TV room and flattening out the seat cushions on the family sofa, but you’re off the hook for the brake line, James. And we’re glad you came through the accident with your sense of humor intact.

Copyright 1997-2009 by Heritage Publishing. All rights reserved.