The Mornin' Mail is
published every weekday except major holidays
Thursday, February 19, 2009, Volume XVII,
Did Ya Know?...
Class of 2009 Project Graduation will sponsor
Hypnotist Mike Reeves, February 21st at 6:00
p.m., at the High School Auditorium. Tickets
are $7.00 at the door, three and under are
Did Ya Know?... Wednesday,
February 25th Dr. Lydia Keisler will be
speaking about the effect of stress and how
diabetes and heart disease are related. The
event will be held at the McCune-Brooks
Regional Hospital community room, 4 - 5:00
Terrorize a Telemarketer
Insist the caller is
really your buddy Leon, playing a joke.
"Leon, cut it out! Seriously, Leon,
hows your momma?"
Tell them to talk VERY
SLOWLY, because you want to write EVERY WORD
After the telemarketer
gives their spiel, ask him/her to marry you. When
they get all flustered, tell them that you could
not just give your credit card number to a
When they ask "How
are you today?" Tell them! "Im so
glad you asked because no one these days seems to
care, and I have all these problems; my arthritis
is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog just
Tell them you are on
"home incarceration" and ask them to
bring you a case of beer and some chips.
A Chronological Record of Events as they have
Transpired in the City and County since our last Issue.
West Side Dining
M. A. Latham sold his west-side dining
hall under the Carthage National bank to Mrs. C. R.
Driscoll and daughter. Mr. Latham will not remain in
Carthage but is planning to join the other Carthage
colonists at Carrington, North Dakota, in the near
future. He wishes to express his thanks to patrons for
past favors and to bespeak their good will for the new
An Exciting Runaway.
Two young men from the country whose
names could not be learned figured in an exciting runaway
on West Limestone street near the Missouri Pacific depot
yesterday afternoon. Their horse scared at a switch
engine and dumped them into a ditch, buggy, horse,
drivers and all. While they were extricating themselves
the horse regained his feet, the buggy righted itself and
the animal dashed off. The young men were uninjured and
the last seen of them they were in pursuit of the runaway
Property Lists Due March First.
Jasper County Assessor, Donald
E. Davis, reminds property owners, including
businesses, that they must report all personal
property owned or help on January 1st to the
Assessors Office by March 1st, 2009. Those
not returning a completed list to the assessor by
the deadline may be subject to a penalty; ranging
from $10 to $100 depending upon the value of the
property. The statutes provide the assessor with
almost no discretion to waive the penalties.
Davis said, "Until
recently, few penalties were applied and lists
were commonly filed late. The law was amended in
1994 to require the penalties, and, whether we
like the law or not, compliance has increased
In January, the assessor mailed
every property owner reflected on the
assessors records a form upon which the
taxable personal property must be reported. If
anyone failed to receive a form or lost the form,
a new one can be obtained by contacting the
assessors office at (417) 358-0437 or (417)
625-4355 or Room 207 at the Carthage Courthouse.
I was sortin through over
the weekend and came across the last four or five
Ted Williams baseball cards from my childhood
At one time I had close to all
of the Williams cards. That is until a former
relative saw that ad offerin to buy
baseball cards. I got home from work one day and
was gleefully presented with a ten dollar bill. I
was supposed ta be happy that the guy paid a
nickel a card for my collection.
I hadnt thought of that
situation for several years. I dont know
how these remainin cards escaped the
sell-off, but I almost wish they had gone the way
of the rest. They now just act as a reminder.
No, I they aint for sale
for a nickel. They probly arent worth
a lot, but they do have some pleasant memories
This is some fact, but mostly,
Just Jake Talkin.
|Sponsored by Metcalf Auto Supply
by Tom & Ray
Dear Tom and Ray:
I had a car accident. My
vehicle would not stop because a brake line
ruptured and the fluid leaked out. My wife says
that it is because I am so heavy, and that the
force I apply with my big, fat foot blew out the
line. She says that if SHE had been stomping on
the brakes, this wouldnt have happened,
because she is, uh, several pounds lighter than I
am. Please say that I am right! - James (a fat
guy in Wisconsin)
RAY: Well, shes right
that there is a relationship between the amount
of force you apply with your foot and the amount
of pressure in the brake lines, James.
TOM: But those brake lines are
made of metal. And theyre designed to take
as much pressure as any human being - no matter
how circumferentially challenged - can lay into
them. So theres no way you blew a brake
line just because your a porker, James. The brake
line failed because it had rusted out and you
hadnt had anyone look at the brakes in a
RAY: Thats especially
important when you live in Wisconsin, where they
use a lot of salt on the roads in the winter.
TOM: But we can say with
complete confidence that your wife is 100 %
RAY: She can legitimately blame
you for breaking the recliner in the TV room and
flattening out the seat cushions on the family
sofa, but youre off the hook for the brake
line, James. And were glad you came through
the accident with your sense of humor intact.
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