An F-111 was flying escort with a B-52
and generally making a nuisance of himself by flying
rolls around the lumbering old bomber.
The message for the B-52 crew was,
"Anything you can do, I can do better."
Not to be outdone, the bomber pilot
announced that he would rise to the challenge.
The B-52 continued its flight, straight
and level, however.
Perplexed, the fighter pilot asked,
"So? What did you do?"
"We just shut down two
- Everything worthwhile is mandatory,
prohibited, or taxed.
A Chronological Record of Events as they have
Transpired in the City and County since our last Issue.
NOBODY WANTS HER.
Husband and Two
Counties Have Pushed Demented Mary Turner On.
Mary Turner, demented, is the wife of a
Joplin miner, who on August 5 sent her to Carthage for
the courts disposal. The court adjudged her to be
demented and ordered her sent back to Stone county, from
where the husband said they had come, but a short time
before. Deputy Constable Hopkins of Joplin took her to
Galena, Stone county, on August 5.
This morning Sheriff M.A. Lee of Stone
County arrived here from Galena with the woman, her
bundle of rags and a paper declaring that she would be
delivered over to Jasper county, from whence she had
Sheriff Warren refused to receive the
woman at the jail and the Stone county official took her
Health Care Plan will
House Health Care
Solutions Group Chairman Roy Blunt issued
the following statement in response to
Congressional Budget Office (CBO)
Director Douglas Elmendorfs
confirmation that the Democrats
plan for a government-takeover of health
care will raise costs for Americans:
"CBO Director Doug
Elmendorf today confirmed what we had
long known: the Democrats
of health care will increase not
lower costs for American families.
"In addition to
hiking taxes on small businesses, killing
jobs and limiting access, their plan will
boost our ballooning deficit and pass the
costs on to future generations, all while
increasing the costs of basic health care
for all Americans."
Blunt announced he will
introduce legislation saying:
"If they think
this plan is good enough for the people
they represent, then it ought to be good
enough for them too. I will introduce an
amendment to their bill requiring all
federal elected officials, including
President Obama and Vice-President Biden,
to enroll in the government-run plan.
I still remember that early chess game
with some distant relative as a kid. We both were
just learnin the game, but this kid was
bein a real jerk about all he knew about
the game. After several games, he had
probly won more than I had, but he kept
insistin his superior knowledge of the game
and the rules was his advantage.
Durin what I recall as
our last encounter, he made a critical move that
was an obvious stupid mistake. When I capitalized
on the error, he insisted that wasnt the
move he had intended, he wanted to take it back.
I of course reminded him that after he removed
his hand from the piece, the move stood. He
whined and moaned how unfair I was bein.
The rules obviously applied to me but not to him.
At that point the game was secondary, the lesson
This is some fact, but mostly,
Just Jake Talkin
THIS IS A HAMMER
By Samantha Mazzotta
Finish From Hardwood Floor
Q: Id like to refinish
the hardwood floor in our upstairs common area.
Im pretty sure it was installed when the
house was built. The floor has some sort of shiny
finish (or it used to be shiny), though Im
not sure what it is. Will this matter when I
strip this finish off? Do you have any tips to
speed the process? -- Mel in Knoxville, Tenn.
A: Knowing what type of finish
is on the floor will help you choose the right
type of stripper, if you intend to use a chemical
stripper rather than sand the finish off.
Head up to the area with a few
cotton swabs, some denatured alcohol and a bit of
lacquer thinner. To test the finish, rub a cotton
ball soaked with the alcohol on a small area. If
the finish starts to come off, then its
probably shellac. If it doesnt come off,
soak a different cotton ball with lacquer thinner
and rub a different area. If the finish comes off
here, youre dealing with a lacquer finish.
If neither solvent brings up the finish,
its probably polyurethane varnish.
This is important because is
when you go to the home-improvement store to buy
a chemical stripper, youre going to need to
choose the one that works best with the finish on
your floor. Youll also need a rinsing
solvent thats compatible with the type of
stripper you choose, to neutralize the chemical
To work with chemical stripper,
make sure the area is well-ventilated and wear a
respirator mask, gloves and goggles. Apply the
stripper with a paintbrush, covering only a small
area at a time. Let the stripper work for the
amount of time recommended on the bottle, then
use a nylon scraper to scrape away the old
finish. Scrape in line with the wood grain.
Once the entire floor is
stripped, dip an abrasive pad into the rinsing
solvent and scrub the floor. Dont use water
to rinse the floor. Remove residual sludge,
particularly between the floorboards (use a small
putty knife for this).
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