The Mornin' Mail is published every weekday except major holidays
Monday, October 12, 2009 Volume XVIII, Number 80

did ya know?

Did Ya Know?...Spare Cat Rescue of Carthage will hold a Feline Spay/Neuter event Oct 22 at Central Pet Care. Spay or neuter for $15. 358-6808 for appointment.

Did Ya Know?... The Family Literacy Center will be selling Mums for the fall season at $10 each. To order, call 358-5926.

today's laugh

Three golfing partners died in a car wreck and went to heaven. Upon arrival they discover the most beautiful golf course they have ever seen. St. Peter tells them that they are all welcome to play the course, but he cautions them that there is only one rule:

Don’t hit the ducks.

The men all have blank expressions, and finally one of them asks "The ducks?"

"Yes", St. Peter replies, "There are millions of ducks walking around the course and if one gets hit, he squawks then the one next to him squawks and soon they’re all squawkin to beat the band, and it really breaks the tranquility. If you hit the ducks, you’ll be punished, otherwise everything is yours to enjoy."

After entering the course, the men noted that there was indeed a gaggle of ducks everywhere.

Within fifteen minutes, one of the guys hit one of them. The duck squawked, the one next to it squawked and soon there was a deafening roar of duck quacks.

St. Peter walked up with an extremely homely woman in tow and asked "Who hit the duck?"

The one who had done it admitted "I did."

Immediately, St. Peter pulled out a pair of handcuffs and cuffed the man’s right hand to the homely woman’s left hand. "I told you not to hit the ducks," he said."Now you’ll be handcuffed together for eternity."

The other two men were very cautious not to hit any ducks, but a couple of weeks later, one of them accidentally did. The quacks were as deafening as before and within minutes St. Peter walked up with an even uglier woman than before. St. Peter determined which one had hit the duck by the fear in his face, and cuffed the man’s right hand to the homely woman’s left hand.

"I told you not to hit the ducks", he said. "Now you’ll be handcuffed together for eternity."

The third man was extremely careful. Some days he wouldn’t even move for fear of even nudging a duck. After three months of this he still hadn’t hit a duck. St. Peter walked up to the man at the end of the three months and had with him a knock-out gorgeous woman, the most beautiful woman the man had ever seen. St. Peter smiled to the man and then, without a word, handcuffed him to the beautiful woman and walked off.The man, knowing that he would be handcuffed to this woman for eternity, let out a sigh and said "What have I done to deserve this?"

The woman responded "I don’t know about you, but I hit a duck."

A Chronological Record of Events as they have Transpired in the City and County since our last Issue.


John Harbin, the well known house cleaner, skipped the city street gang yesterday and ran away from Street Commissioner Smith after serving but three days of a thirty-six days sentence for beating his wife with a stick in the gallery of the opera house. He returned to the calaboose Monday night to sleep, but did not show up last night. Marshal Drake concludes that he has run away but will soon show up again.


Escaped Under Cover.

A breezy story is told of how one of the ticket sellers at the fair grounds escaped, with the money he had taken in, to the city in a wagon under a pile of bran sacks, while pursued and hunted by a crowd of horsemen who wanted to take the money away from him because they had not been paid.

  Today's Feature

More Trash Carts On The Way.

The new trash pickup system has been in place a little over a week and, as officials expected, there have been some unexpected problems.

Some residents have not yet received their trash carts due to several reasons. According to the Public Works Department, many residents who were using the former trash pickup system were not on the list of paying customers. That list was what dictated the initial order for the poly carts. There has also been more interest in having multiple carts than was anticipated. A new batch of about 100 carts are due to be delivered in the next week or so.

Last week the inquiries from citizens kept one person at the Public Works Department busy with phone calls, with some calls being returned even after normal working hours.

Public Works employees and representatives from Allied Waste, the contracted trash hauler, have been identifying specific problems. The Public Works Department does have information, but it recommends that questions be directed to Allied Waste at 1-800-627-1717

Just Jake Talkin'

My older brother took on the philosophy of the tv character Davy Crocket at a fairly young. "Be sure you’re right, then go ahead" the sayin’ he was tied to.

‘Course I favored the Pop Eye character myself, he was known for pipin’ up "I am what I am, what I am" as I remember.

I suppose our parents were a blend of the two, as I’m sure their offspring are as well. We grew up learnin’ that most things aren’t really important enough to get too excited about, but there comes a time ya gotta stand your ground.

With that kind a thinkin’, there also comes the realization that in some instances you have ta stand down.

Dependin’ on the circumstances, both routes can be honorable, and neither are necessarily somethin’ to crow about.

This is some fact, but mostly,

Just Jake Talkin’.


Sponsored by Carthage Printing Weekly Columns


By Samantha Mazzotta

Squeaky Stairs

Q: The stairs down to my basement squeak like crazy when I walk on them. What’s causing this, too much humidity? -- Harriet S., Wheeling, W.Va.

A: Humidity can cause wooden stairs and floorboards to swell slightly. Dry air can have the opposite effect. Temperature fluctuations also can play a role in increasing the amount of squeaking from a stair tread. Wood is fairly reactive to changes in its environment -- that’s part of its strength.

Of course, that doesn’t solve the problem of annoying squeaks from the treads as you walk up or down the stairs. So, tackle it head-on. Or tread-on, as it were.

A stair squeaks when the tread (where you put your foot) rubs against a riser (one of the vertical boards that support the tread). Depending on the amount of "give" between the tread and riser, the squeak can be minimal, or rather loud.

Inspect the entire staircase. As it’s a basement staircase, you should be able to walk underneath it and check things out with a flashlight. Is all of the wood in good condition? Do you see water damage, cracked boards, or misaligned treads or risers? Any damaged boards should be replaced. If the damage was caused by water, find and stop the water problem, as it can cause other issues throughout the basement.

If a tread appears to be in good condition but sags visibly when someone walks on it, replace that tread.

Now, if there’s no major damage or sagging, the squeaks can be dealt with fairly cheaply. Have a helper walk up and down the stairs while you pinpoint and mark the squeaky areas. Then, shim the pinpointed spots -- drive small wooden wedges (available at the hardware store) between the underside of the tread and the front riser at each spot. Have your helper test the shimmed tread; if it worked, use wood glue to keep the shims in place.

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