I have this friend who
always seemed to lean slightly to the left all the time.
It used to bother me, so I suggested he
see a doctor, and have his legs checked out. For years,
he refused ... told me I was crazy.
But last week, he finally went, and
sure enough, the doctor discovered his left leg was 1/4
inch shorter than his right.
A quick bit of orthopedic surgery
later, he was cured, and both legs are exactly the same
length now, and he no longer leans.
"So," I said, "You
didnt believe me when I told you a doctor could fix
He just looked at me and said, ...
"I stand corrected."
When someone asks you, "A penny
for your thoughts," and you put your two cents in,
what happens to the other penny?
A Chronological Record of Events as they have
Transpired in the City and County since our last Issue.
But Judge and Mrs.
Montague Will Be
Given a Wedding
A surprise party planned for tonight on
Judge and Mrs. E. J. Montague in celebration of their
40th wedding anniversary, which occurred a few days ago,
has been declared off in accordance with a
physicians advice, on account of the serious
sickness of the judge. The old settlers had planned the
affair in order that the anniversary might not pass so
quietly as the honored couple had anticipated.
A handsome and substantial array of
wedding anniversary gifts will be delivered this evening
by Mrs. Henrietta Harper, though Judge Montague is too
sick to endure the excitement of the party originally
planned. Among the many presents are a black suit of
clothes and hat for Judge Montague, and a handsome black
dress for Mrs. Montague.
District No. 1 Receives Grant.
The Missouri Department of
Natural Resources has awarded Jasper County
Public Water Supply District No. 1 a $500,000
grant to make improvements to its drinking water
The water district will use the
grant to construct a well and a 500,000 gallon
elevated storage tank. The project is estimated
to cost $1 million and is expected to be
completed in May of 2011.
The department sold $50 million
in bonds in November 2007. The sale of the bonds
allows the department to provide the district
with grant funds to support the Clean Water
Initiative for water and wastewater improvements.
The Department of Natural Resources Water
Protection Program will administer the grant
funds and is committed to working closely with
communities to assist with funding efforts that
support water and wastewater infrastructure
improvement projects and provide a financial
For more information, contact
the departments Water Protection Program,
P.O. Box 176, Jefferson City, MO 65102-0176 or
800-361-4827 or 573-751-1192 or visit the website
NASCAR THIS WEEK
Johnson Is Still
King of the Road
HOMESTEAD, Fla. -- Jimmie
Johnson has a familiar face. He has turned the
Chase for the Sprint Cup into what seems to be a
perpetual case of "deja vu all over
By finishing second in the
final race of the season, the Ford 400 at
Homestead-Miami Speedway, Johnson managed to win
the championship for a record fifth year in a
row. No one else has won four straight.
In fairness, the outcome came
down to the final race, and Johnson began it in
second place, 15 points behind the ill-fated
Denny Hamlin, whose Toyota finished a
disappointing 14th. Johnson won the championship
by 39 points over Hamlin and 41 over Kevin
Harvick, who finished third in the final race,
won by the fourth-place finisher in points, Carl
Though hardly objective, crew
chief Chad Knaus knows Johnson best.
"If you really sat back
and looked at what this guy (Johnson) can do with
a race car, you would be pretty impressed,"
said Knaus. "Hes been in some pretty
precarious situations and driven through them.
Hes put his nose in places that other
people would not do and pulled it off.
"As a friend and as a
teammate, I want to make sure that he gets what
Johnson, from El Cajon, Calif.,
is uncomfortable tooting his own horn.
"Each year that Ive
been in the sport, Ive become more
comfortable with my role," he said.
"The way I was raised in racing, I had to
earn the right to say things, and I had to earn
the right to have confidence and to act a certain
"Ive accomplished so
much more than I ever thought I would."
Hendrick Motorsports earned its
10th championship, equaling Petty Enterprises,
which won seven with Richard Petty and three with
his father, Lee. Hendrick has won five titles
with Johnson, four with Jeff Gordon and one with
"I know how fortunate I am
to have guys like Jimmie Johnson and Chad
(Knaus)," said Hendrick. "I
wouldnt want to race against them, and
Ive been very fortunate through my career
to have guys like Jeff Gordon and all of the
great drivers that have been through our place.
"I always had hoped I
could win a race, and then a championship, and
survive through the sport and, you know, have
sponsors and show up and be competitive. ... We
are very appreciative, and I still cant
believe that we have won five in a row or that we
have gotten to 10."
Ive always liked
gadgets. Shucks, I just like the word gadget.
Sounds kinda off the wall and fun. Most
gadgets are based on some real great idea,
but most just dont seem ta be that
Im sure that little
fishin rod you carry around in your
pocket makes a lota sense to some folks. I
dont spend a lota time at the
fishin hole, but Ive never
actually seen anyone usin one a the
Now a fly swatter,
thats a real practical gadget cause
most anyone can use one effectively. If ya
run into someone who cant operate a fly
swatter, keep your distance.
As a kid I put together a
series of pulleys and cord to make my bed.
Sides nearly gettin strangled one
night, it really didnt save any time.
It was just a fun gadget like most ya see.
This is some fact, but
Just Jake Talkin.
Metcalf Auto Supply
CLICK and CLACK
Dear Tom and Ray:
The engine on my 97
Pontiac Bonneville FELL OUT while I was driving
55 miles an hour yesterday! Luckily I am fine.
Had it happened mere seconds sooner, I would have
been in a lake, as my steering and brakes were
So, how could this happen? I
heard a loud CLUNK first, and thought I ran over
something...in the rearview mirror I saw a round
black thing bouncing on the road.
Have you ever heard of this
happening? I thought stuff like this only
happened in cartoon. Then again, it would not be
so inaccurate to say my life is like one big
cartoon, Ill save that for Dr. Phil. -
Ray: Did the Check Engine light
come on? Finally, a good use for that light!
Tom: I dont think the
engine fell out, Robyn. But it could have fallen
Ray: You really cant run
over the engine and see it bouncing down the road
behind you. Its too massive. The car
wouldnt be able to go over it. The car
would have to flip over it in order to separate
itself from the engine.
Tom: Heres what probably
happened. The engine and transmission are held in
a cradle, or sub-frame, thats bolted to the
chassis of the car. For some reason, that cradle
Ray: And when the engine and
transmission assembly dropped down, it probably
tore out the power steering lines, stalled the
engine (which killed the power brakes), and the
roadway probably sheared off the oil pan, which
is a black thing that could have bee rounded off
in the process, and then bounced down the road
Tom: Well, its all oil
under the bridge now, Robyn. But thats our
best guess. Glad to hear you pulled through OK.
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