The Mornin' Mail is published every weekday except major holidays
Wedesday, December 29, 2010 Volume XIX, Number 133

did ya know?.


Did Ya Know?...The Carthage Business Women of Missouri have Black Walnuts and Pecans for $9 a pound. Sales supports a Scholarship Program. 358-3505

Did Ya Know?...The VFW Birthday Dinner for Sunday Jan. 2nd has been cancelled due to remodeling. No make-up date will be scheduled.

today's laugh

A man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted a man below. He descended a bit more and shouted, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him half an hour ago, but I don’t know where I am."

The man below replied, "You are in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You are between 40 and 42 degrees north latitude and between 58 and 60 degrees west longitude."

"You must be an engineer," said the balloonist.

"I am," replied the man, "but how did you know?"

"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I am still lost."

The man below responded, "You must be a manager."

"I am," replied the balloonist, "how did you know?"

"Well," said the man, "you don’t know where you are or where you are going. You made a promise which you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. The fact is you are exactly in the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it’s my fault."


40,000 Americans are injured by toilets each year.


One day, an employee received an unusually large check. She decided not to say anything about it. The following week, her check was for less that the normal amount, and she confronted her boss. "How come," the supervisor inquired, "you didn’t say anything when you were overpaid?"

Unperturbed, the employee replied, "Well, I can overlook one mistake – but not two in a row!"


A Chronological Record of Events as they have Transpired in the City and County since our last Issue.


A. H. Witt’s fine new outfit of billiard tables and accessories arrived yesterday and were transferred to the hall. The erection of one of the tables was completed yesterday and the rest are being installed today. Two of them are billiard tables and four are pool tables. They are finished in oak with a rosewood cushion rail and are made by the well known Brunswick-Balke Collender Co. Frank Faestel, of St. Louis, is here to look after the erection of the tables and will remain until they are all up and satisfactorily tested.

The room, with its new paint, paper and floor, and its bright and shining fittings, is taking on a very handsome appearance. It is expected that the tables will all be up and ready for use by tomorrow. The old tables were turned in on the trade for the new ones and were taken apart yesterday for shipment. Mr. Witt has been ten years in the business here and eight years at his present location.

  Today's Feature

Master Gardener Program.

Jasper County University of Missouri Extension will be sponsoring a Missouri Master Gardener program, beginning in January. The program is designed to train volunteers in various aspects of horticulture. The Master Gardeners participate in a wide variety of community service projects and assist University of Missouri Extension in providing unbiased educational information to the public.

A person who wishes to become a Master Gardener is required to attend 30 hours of training, and agree to return 30 hours of volunteer service during the following year. The fee is $125, but thanks to the support of the Ozark Gateway Master Gardener organization, the cost to those enrolling will be $95.

Topics to be covered in the basic sessions include an orientation to the Master Gardener program; plant physiology; winter tree identification and tree care; vegetable production; home lawn and turf; and home fruit production.

To apply for the program or to obtain further information, contact Ed Browning or Janet LaFon, Courthouse Basement, Carthage, MO 64836, 417-358-2158

Just Jake Talkin'

Although not frequently identified as a legitimate "old saying," I’ve always been humored by the quip, "I heard it outa the corner of my ear." A sense of irony maybe, or just sophomoric humor. Either way, I find in funny.

I’ve got an uncle that I was always told had a dry sense of humor. As a kid, I categorized it as "corny." ‘Course I figured any parent to be a little corny. Not hip with really good humor like elephant jokes and really tough tongue twisters.

I hope that my appreciation of humor has matured somewhat, but I still get a kick outa swappin’ elephant jokes with grandkids. The real surprise sometimes is the depth of understanding youngsters have about humor. You’re never too young, or old, for a good laugh or two.

This is some fact, but mostly,

Just Jake Talkin’.

Sponsored by Carthage Printing

Weekly Columns


By JoAnn Derson

• "To hang up thread spools, use a wire hanger. Untwist the neck portion, thread on the spools (by color or thickness, etc.) and then refit the neck together." --- P.O. in Washington

• If you have a busted-up garden hose, don’t pitch it. Cut sections of it for later use. For instance, when slit down the side, garden hose makes a handy cover for ice-skate blades.

• Freeze large batches of homemade baby food in ice-cube trays or mini muffin tins. When frozen, pop out the portions and save in freezer-safe zip-lock bags.

• Here’s an instant kid table. Take one laundry basket and top it with a piece of plywood that has been cut to extend over the basket by a half-inch on all sides. Sand the edges and paint if you like. Toys and games can be kept in the basket, and the whole thing can be moved or stored easily.

• To keep white socks white, boil them in a mix of water and lemon juice. Add lemon slices for extra whitening power.

• If you’re working with steel wool, keep a magnet handy to whisk up small metal fibers that break loose. Also keep a magnet handy when using pins. You can "pick up" pins from your work surface and put them in a container much more quickly with a magnet.

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