The Mornin' Mail is published every weekday except major holidays
Wednesday, January 7, 2010 Volume XVIII, Number 139

did ya know?

Did Ya Know?... There will be NO jam session on the 9th....No church on the the Salem Country Church at Red OakII. Activities will continue on Jan. 16.

today's laugh

Nebraska Dumb Laws

If a child burps during church, his parent may be arrested.

It is illegal to go whale fishing.

It is illegal for bar owners to sell beer unless they are simultaneously brewing a kettle of soup.

It is illegal for a mother to give her daughter a perm without a state license.

A Denver Broncos fan was enjoying himself at the game in a packed Mile High Stadium, until he noticed an empty seat down in front. He went down and asked the guy next to it if he knew whose seat it was.

The guy said, "Yes, that’s my wife’s seat. We have never missed a game since the Craig Morton days, but now my wife is dead."

The fan offered his sympathy and said it was really too bad that he couldn’t find some relative to give the ticket to and enjoy the game together.

"Oh no." the guy said. "They’re all at the funeral."

A Chronological Record of Events as they have Transpired in the City and County since our last Issue.

She is Not Married.

About a month ago two women of this city, one married and the other single, called the office and left a written account of the alleged wedding of Miss Ethel Vancil and a Mr. McAntire. The item was received in good faith and was printed, supposing it to be accurate, but it now develops that it was intended as a joke and the wedding did not occur at all.

Such "jokes" are not appreciated by anyone and it is not to wondered that neither Miss Vancil or her parents were very well pleased over it. Miss Vancil’s acquaintances have very naturally it for granted that she is married, but she is not, and she wishes it distinctly so understood.

Dr. E. J. Burch and family are stopping with his parents at the corner of Fulton and Third streets. The doctor has not yet decided where he will take an office.

  Today's Feature

Irrigators Meeting January 21.

The Southwest Chapter of Missouri Irrigators Association has scheduled their 2010 Irrigators Conference. The meeting is open to anyone interested in irrigation issues in the area. The conference will begin at 9:30 a.m. Thursday, January 21, 2010 in the Finley Room at the Barton County University of Missouri Extension Center, 801 E. 12th in Lamar.

"Although we have had adequate rainfall the last two seasons, the amount of water used by agriculture continues to draw attention from urban areas and environmental groups," says Jay Chism, University of Missouri Agronomy Specialist in Barton County.

Using sub-surface irrigation in row crop production will be one of the discussion topics at the upcoming irrigators conference. Sub-surface irrigation can reduce water usage concerns.

"In dry portions of the US, drip systems are being utilized to get the most of available water resources," adds Ed Browning, Natural Resource Engineer with University of Missouri Extension in Jasper County.

Other planned topics include area watertable levels, and how cap and trade may impact local agriculture.

An organizational meeting will follow the program and will adjourn by 2:30 p.m.

For additional information, contact Universityof Missouri Extension specialists Ed Browning at (417) 358-2158 or Jay Chism at (417)682-3579.


By Monte Dutton

Sponsored by Curry Automotive

Around the Garage

EPIDEMIC CLAIMS LIFE OF NASCAR CREWMAN -- A familiar pit-crew member, D.J. Richardson, died on Dec. 25 from complications of the H1N1 "swine flu" virus.

Richardson, 37, died in a Massachusetts hospital. He was a native of Leominster, Mass. He contracted the H1N1 virus during the Thanksgiving holiday. Richardson was admitted to Health Alliance Hospital in Leominster after being diagnosed as suffering from acute respiratory distress syndrome.

A rear-tire changer on Kevin Harvick’s No. 29 Chevrolet, Richardson had been a NASCAR crewman for 10 years. In addition to Richard Childress Racing, he also spent time at Andy Petree Racing, Penske Racing, Hendrick Motorsports and Braun Racing.

"All of us at RCR are saddened by D.J.’s passing," said Richard Childress. "D.J. was a gifted tire changer, one of the greatest team players in the business and a valued member of the RCR family. Our thoughts and prayers go out to his family and friends."


KESELOWSKI’S KREW -- Penske Racing has hired Jay Guy and Paul Wolfe to serve as crew chiefs for Brad Keselowski’s programs in the Sprint Cup and Nationwide Series.

Roy McCauley, previously crew chief for Penske’s No. 12 Dodge (driven in 2009 by David Stremme), will be moved to a new post within the organization.

Guy will head up the Cup team, while Wolfe, himself a former driver, will head the No. 22 Dodge fielded by Penske for Keselowski in the Nationwide Series.

Guy was crew chief at Furniture Racing with driver Regan Smith last season. The 36-year-old is a native of Lancaster, Pa.

ADVENTURES ABROAD -- Four-time World of Outlaws champion Donny Schatz won a Dec. 28 race, the Valvoline Australian Sprintcar Grand Prix, at Tyrepower Parramatta City Raceway in Sydney, Australia.

Another familiar American, two-time Sprint Cup champ Tony Stewart, finished seventh after starting on the back row in the main event.

"I think to finish seventh from the tail (of the starting field) was OK," said Stewart. "It was a good first night for me, obviously not as good as my teammate (Schatz), who won the race, but he runs 100 races a year and I get to run three."

Another American, Tim Shaffer, finished third.

WHO ELSE? -- Jimmie Johnson, already named Male Athlete of the Year by The Associated Press.

Just Jake Talkin'

Have ya ever noticed how things come in clumps? Course ya have, ever’one knows about the clump clause.

Mechanics know of this phenomenon. All the sudden ever’one that comes in has a starter bad. Next week it will be shock absorber problems, the next brakes. Seems that ever’one is on the same cycle.

‘Course clumps aren’t confined to mechanical things, any random activity at one time or another gets rolled into a clump.

I went for nearly ten years without havin’ a car accident, then about fifteen years ago I had three within’ a six month period. What scares me is whether that was the only clump of accidents I will have, or if it was just a forewarnin’ of what to expect. Ever’day I make it without an accident, may be pilin’ up in a clump some where, just waitin’.

This is some fact, but mostly,

Just Jake Talkin’.

Sponsored by Metcalf Auto Parts Weekly Columns

Dear Tom and Ray:

When I was a kid, my siblings and I loved to play with the power windows - up a little, down a little, up some more, down some more, all the way up. Our elders always told us to cut it out because we’d wear out the switches. Now that I have kids of my own who love to do the same thing, I find it annoying, so I tell them to cut it out because they’ll wear out the switches. But it makes me wonder - can you really wear out power-window switches, or were my elders fibbing, just the way I am? - John

Ray: I don’t think I’d worry too much about the switches, John.

Tom: No. Switches are cheap. It’s the broken power-window motots and regulators that’ll have you cursing the little rugrats.

Ray: All of those parts - the witches, the motors and the window regulators have thousands of cycles in them. But not an infinite number.

Tom: So, let’s say you have two kids, and we’ll assume the little tykes are confined to the back seat. On a three-hour trip to Grandma’s, let’s say each kid works one rear window - up and down, up and down, continuously. that’s about 2,000 cycles right there. Or 4,000 round trip, if the kids aren’t sleeping off candy comas after visiting Grandma.

Ray: If you make that trip once a year, within three years or so, you’re going to need two window motors.

Tom: You can deactivate thir window switches from the drivers control panel. Then, hopefully, they’ll turn their destructive instincts to something less expensive, like opening and closing the ashtrays until their doors fall off.

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