A blonde, a brunette, a
redhead, a vicar, a priest, a rabbi, two giraffes and a
duck, a farmer, a lawyer, an accountant, an IRS agent, a
Mexican, an Indian, a Chinese, an Irishman, an
Englishman, a Scotsman and a redneck walk into a bar.
The barman says: "What is this,
some kind of joke?
WAITER: "Yes, sir, is there
CUSTOMER: "The soup. Taste
WAITER: "I beg your pardon,
CUSTOMER: "Taste it."
WAITER: "But, Sir, I can assure
you that the soup is excellent."
CUSTOMER: "Taste it."
WAITER: "Sir, the soup was made
this morning of the finest ingredients."
CUSTOMER: "Taste it!"
WAITER: exasperated, "All right,
Sir, Ill taste it." Then after a pause he
said, "Where is the spoon?"
The customer, triumphantly, "Ah
A Chronological Record of Events as they have
Transpired in the City and County since our last Issue.
A CHILD DRINKS LYE.
Dreamer has Her
Face and Mouth Badly
Little Dimple Dreamer, the two-year-old
daughter of Mr. and Mrs. Dreamer who live on North Main
street opposite the woolen mill, had her mouth and face
badly burned by drinking from a can of lye last Saturday.
She is now better but suffered great pain Saturday and
The Dreamer family went to Joplin
Friday to visit a family where, as there were no
children, dangerous things were not put out of reach of
meddlesome little hands, so Dimple Dreamer soon got into
A Joplin doctor was called and
administered relief but the childs lips were eaten
away until they bled profusely. The Dreamer family who
had intended to stay over Sunday came home Saturday and
subsequent medical aid here has put the child at ease,
but it will be some time before she fully recovers.
The 2011 Chamber Annual Banquet
will be held on Friday, January 21. Each year the
Chamber recognizes outstanding businesses and
individuals within our business community. You,
our members, nominate those who have excelled.
Your Chamber is currently accepting nominations
for the following awards:
Golden Key Awards (forms at the
Spotlight Award (submit by mail
Small Business of the Year
(submit by mail or email)
Richard M. Webster Citizen of
the Year Award (submit by mail or email)
Mail nominations to Carthage
Chamber, Attn: Mary Jo, 402 S. Garrison,
Carthage, MO 64836. E-mail nominations to
The Chamber also reminds
everyone to "watch for Christmas Open House
flyers in participating retailer windows and plan
to join the fun - shop locally and save."
No matter what the
rhetoric, folks are always interested in
keepin a decent neighborhood.
Thats understandable cause
thats where they live.
The fact is most folks take
pride in their home and their neighborhood.
They live in a community to have a sense of
security and convenience.
There is a trade off of
course. By livin outside of the city
limits, a person doesnt have ta worry
much bout what the neighbors do or
Livin in a community
requires some of those freedoms enjoyed in
the country to be curtailed. No chickens, no
hog pens, keepin grass at a reasonable
length, lettin neighbors sleep at
But, "Ya cant
pass a law ta make someone care, " said
one citizen recently.
This is some fact, but
Just Jake Talkin.
Carthage Printing Services
DEAR DR. DONOHUE: What are
triglycerides? What do they do to you? I am a
55-year-old male in good health, or so I thought.
My lab tests have shown I have elevated
triglycerides. My doctor believes I need to make
funeral arrangements. He told me to cut down on
fats. I have never eaten much fat. I dont
use butter. How do I get my level down? -- R.F.
ANSWER: Triglycerides are fats.
The marbling in meat and the stuff that surrounds
a cut of meat are triglycerides. In the blood,
they are not solids. Theyre a source of
energy for body cells. Excess amounts are stored
Cholesterol gets all the blame
for clogging heart arteries and causing heart
attacks. But triglycerides bear part of the
blame. A very high blood triglyceride level
inflames the pancreas -- pancreatitis. That
happens, but is a somewhat rare event compared
with other causes of pancreatitis.
The normal triglyceride reading
should be less than 150 mg/dL (1.7 mmol/L).
Values between 150 and 199 (1.7 to 2.2) are
considered borderline high. Anything above 500
(5.6) is very high.
Weight reduction almost always
brings down triglycerides. Fatty foods, fatty
meats and fried foods should be eaten sparingly.
Surprisingly, sugar raises triglycerides, as does
immoderate alcohol drinking. Omega-3 fatty acids
lower them. Fish -- a good source of omega-3
fatty acids -- therefore, ought to be a major
part of two weekly meals. If you dont like
the taste of fish, you can take omega-3 in pills.
I know people must cringe when
they hear exercise mentioned, as it appears to be
a panacea for every ill. A half-hour of brisk
walking on most days of the week reliably lowers
triglycerides. You can start more modestly, and
work your way to the 30-minute goal.
If none of these lowers your
triglycerides, medicines can. Lopid, Tricor and
niacin are three reliable drugs.
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