The Mornin' Mail is published every weekday except major holidays
Thursday, November 4, 2010 Volume XIX, Number 96

did ya know?.

Did Ya Know?.. . the Full Faith Church will have a parking lot sale to benefit Downtown Food Pantry Sat. Nov.6 beginning at 8 a.m. 736 E. Fairview.

Did Ya Know?.. . The Carthage Junior High band will have a chili supper and Silent Auction to raise funds for uniforms Mon. Nov. 8 at 5 p.m. at Fairview Christian Church.

today's laugh

You’ve all heard of the Air Force’s ultra-high-security, super-secret base in Nevada, known simply as "Area 51?"

Well, late one afternoon, the Air Force folks out at Area 51 were very surprised to see a Cessna landing at their "secret" base.

The pilot’s story was that he got lost, and spotted the Base just as he was about to run out of fuel. The Air Force started a full FBI background check on the pilot and held him overnight during the investigation.

The next day, they were convinced the pilot wasn’t a spy. They gassed up his plane, gave him a terrifying "you-did-not-see-a-base" briefing, and sent him on his way.

The next day, to the total disbelief of the Air Force, the same Cessna showed up again. The MP’s surrounded the plane only this time two people were in the plane.

The same pilot jumped out and said, "Do anything you want to me, but my wife is here and you have to tell her where I was last night!"


A Chronological Record of Events as they have Transpired in the City and County since our last Issue.

More Wind Damage.

The hard wind this morning did more or less damage. A big wooden sign on the Grant street side of the Central National bank building was torn loose and blown down onto the sidewalk.

A glass door was blown in at the Lyon street entrance to the bed spring factory.

The upright glass case in front of the Jumbo store was blown down onto the pavement and smashed into smithereens this morning.

Serg’t Ross Entertains.

Sergeant James Ross gave a dinner last night to some of his associate militia officers in the Light Guard. Games and music were enjoyed. Those present were: Capt. Ed Hiatt, Lieut. Tom Gilbreath, Lieut. John Henkel, Sergt. Walter Woodford, Sergt. Homer Bailey, Sergt. Chas. Howell, Corporal Oscar Emerson, Private Frank Ross.

  Today's Feature

Carthage Jr. High Band to host a "Chili Event."

The Carthage Jr. High Band is hosting a Chili Supper and Silent Auction , Monday, November 8th beginning at 5:00 pm. at the Fairview Christian Church located at 2320 Grand in Carthage. The Supper features all-you-can-eat chili with all the trimmings, a beverage and desert for just $6.00 for adults, $5.00 for kids 6 to 11 years; kids 5 and under eat free. Chili for lunch instead of dinner is an option. Call Claire Shores at 388-3068 or Terri Dawald at 629-2215 for chili delivery options!

Along with the chili, supper guests can enjoy live music and entertainment provided by the Carthage Jr. High 7th & 8th Grade Bands, 8th Grade Color Guard, Ovation Dance Studio, and a special performance by the Accord String Quartet from Springfield.

A silent auction showcase several vacation packages. One is from The Crescent Hotel in Eureka Springs, Arkansas. It features a getaway package that includes one night in the hotel along with tickets to the Passion Play, the Queen Anne Museum as well as Cosmic Caverns.


By Monte Dutton

"Animal House" Trumps the Oscars

MARTINSVILLE, Va. -- Nothing wrong with NASCAR can’t be fixed by a race at Martinsville Speedway.

Some people are going to disagree. They’re the ones who think every race should be in some place like Las Vegas. They’re the ones who believed Gillian Zucker, president of Auto Club Speedway, when she claimed that she couldn’t draw a crowd in February because of -- get this! -- the Academy Awards.

As if there were fans saying, "I’d love to see that race, but I just can’t leave without knowing if ‘Hurt Locker’ won the Oscar."

Who can give it up for Jimmie Johnson when Dame Judi Dench is on the tube?

Some of those fans watched the Tums Fast Relief 500 on television -- and probably had a jolly good time making stupid jokes about its title -- and the wonders of Martinsville probably seemed elusive.

Something about television makes race cars look slower. Martinsville can look like a Homecoming Parade in fast-forward. Specifically, it can look like the Homecoming Parade in "Animal House," complete with calls for "ramming speed" and an abundance of profanity among the participants.

Do not judge Martinsville if you’ve never been there.

On TV, it also looks a great deal like bumper cars at the county fair. Up close -- and by that, I mean, in the lower rows of the grandstands, squinting at cars flashing by and trying to keep dust, grime and oil out of the eyes -- it looks as if all the cars were constructed by NASA, not organizations with names like Furniture Row Racing.

It’s more fun than a barrel of monkeys.

At the end, unflappable guys like Jeff Burton are ... flappable. Being a race driver, Burton sometimes seems embarrassed by the perception that he has good sense. Maniacs are more the norm in the circus to which he ran away many years ago. After Burton’s teammate, Kevin Harvick, got mad at him, Burton’s first reaction was to defend himself ("There is nothing I did that I regret, and there is nothing I won’t do next week.") and his second was to take mild offense that he acted like everyone else.

Just Jake Talkin'

I see all the other media types are busy analyzin’ the results of the election last Tuesday. The fact is the fact.

It’s like tryin’ to second guess a car wreck. If they’d only been drivin’ a mile an hour slower they wouldn’t a been at that particular spot at that particular time. Doesn’t change the outcome any.

The voters voted the way they did ‘cause at this particular time they felt that was what was best. Maybe next year it’ll be different, maybe that’s just the way it is.

I suppose elections draw attention partly ‘cause nobody ever knows the outcome ‘fore the votes are counted. No way to predict with any accuracy. ‘Course it’s always easy to say I told you so after the fact, so talk it up.

This is some fact, but mostly,

Just Jake Talkin’.

Sponsored by Metcalf Auto Supply

Weekly Columns



Dear Tom and Ray:

My husband always gets mad because I immediately crank the ignition of our 2005 Honda Element. He tells me that I should wait a few seconds and listen for the fuel pump to fill. Is this true, or is he just micromanaging my driving? - Annette

Tom: He’s just being his usual pain in the tochus, Annette.

Ray: When you turn the key to the "run" position, the fuel pump is energized, and it provides full pressure to the injectors within a second, I’d say.

Tom: I guess he thinks it’s better to wait a few seconds and make absolutely certain that the injectors are all fully pressurized, so that when you turn the key to the crank position, the engine will fire up right away.

Ray: Instantaneously.

Tom: Right. He thinks that’s preferable. So instead of cranking for half a second, the engine cranks for only a quarter of a second, and you save a little bit of wear and tear on your battery and starter.

Ray: But I disagree. I’m more concerned about the internal engine components than with the battery or starter. Let’s say, just for the sake of argument, that you don’t have enough fuel pressure, and the engine has to crank a few more times before it actually catches. I think that’s a good thing.

Tom: Well, it has a beneficial side effect.

Ray: Right - allowing the engine to crank for a few seconds gives the oil pump time to circulate the oil while the engine is turning slowly, before it starts running at 1,000 rpm.

Tom: He’s not only micromanaging, he’s micromanaging incorrectly.

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