So theres this
fellow with a parrot. And this parrot swears like a
sailor, I mean hes a pistol. He can swear for five
minutes straight without repeating himself.
One day, it gets to be too much, so the
guy grabs the bird by the throat, shakes him really hard,
and yells, "QUIT IT!" But this just makes the
bird mad and he swears more.
Then the guy gets mad and says,
"OK for you." and locks the bird in a kitchen
cabinet. When the guy finally lets him out, the bird cuts
loose with a stream of vulgarities that would make a
veteran sailor blush.
At that point, the guy is so mad that
he throws the bird into the freezer. For the first few
seconds there is a terrible din. The bird kicks and claws
and thrashes. Then it suddenly gets very quiet. At first
the guy just waits, but then he starts to think and he
opens up the freezer door.
The bird calmly climbs onto the
mans outstretched arm and says, "Awfully sorry
about the trouble I gave you. Ill do my best to
improve my vocabulary from now on."
The man is astounded. He cant
understand the transformation that has come over the
parrot. Then the parrot says, "By the way, what did
the chicken do?"
A Chronological Record of Events as they have
Transpired in the City and County since our last Issue.
A Runaway on
I. W. Driesbach and his aged father, J.
E. Driesbach, hitched up at half past 5 last evening to
go to the pasture field after the cows, but they forgot
to buckle the outer belly band that holds the shafts
down, and trouble ensued. The road runs down hill at a
sharp grade immediately after leaving the yard, and of
course the shafts flew high in the air and the buggy
collided with the horses hind legs. The astonished
animal attempted to kick, but there was not room, so he
gave a tremendous lunge to get away from the vehicle. I.
W. Driesbach went out over one wheel and his father over
the other, and the liberated nag plunged down the bill
and started across Mrs. Ogdens yard.
Martin Driesbach was going along on his
wheel, and he quickly cut across lots and headed the
obstreperous animal off. Strange to say neither of the
men were injured beyond a few bruises, nor were horse,
vehicle or harness seriously damaged.
Maple Leaf Quilt
The 2010 Maple Leaf Quilt Show
is moving indoors. Event Chairman Amy Campbell
has announced arrangements to move the show
indoors to protect the quilts from the elements.
The Quilt Show will be held
inside the former Citywide Auto Parts building at
400 S. Maple, across from the Carthage Police
Entry forms are available at
Block By Block Quilt Shop at 530 W. Fir Road and
are currently being accepted at the store.
Judging categories include: Appliqued, Pieced,
Appliqued and Pieced, Embroidered, Vintage, and
Baby/Youth. Deadline for entries is October 8th.
This years quilt show is
a one-day event on Saturday, October 16 from noon
to 5 p.m. The new location offers plenty of
parking in the front and rear of the building,
plus the neighboring city parking lot.
"We just want to ensure
that everyone can view the beautiful
craftsmanship in the quilts, rain or shine,"
said Amy Campbell, chair of the event. "The
new location offers the convenience of being
close to the downtown events." If anyone has
questions regarding their entry, they can reach
Amy at 358-2009.
The annual Maple Leaf Parade
typically draws a crowd of 65,000-80,000
attendees and will commence promptly at 9 a.m. on
Saturday, October 16 at the historic Carthage
Square. Touted as the "largest parade in
southwest Missouri", the parade typically
has approximately 200 entries.
Maple Leaf Festival brochures
are available through the Chamber in both English
and Spanish. Simply contact Chamber staff or stop
in to pick up a supply to share with friends,
employees, family and groups.
Now I suppose that if a fella was out
pear pickin and happened to be
standin exactly where the perfect pear was
fallin, and he happened to see it on the
way down and caught if fore it hit the
ground and got all bruised, most would call that
good luck. Some would call it the ultimate
The fact is, the pear was
gonna fall whether the fella was there or
not. The fact that he happened to be
standin in the perfect spot was most
likely cause he was lookin for
the opportunity. It wasnt luck at all.
He had prepared himself to be ready to take
advantage of any opportunity that happened to
arise, then took action to take advantage of
the the situation. Lotta folks woulda been
lookin at their feet and ended up with
pear juice in their hair.
This is some fact, but
Just Jake Talkin.
Carthage Printing Services
THIS IS A HAMMER
By Samantha Mazzotta
Q: Last year I took my window
screens down and put up my storm windows. I
stored the screens in the garage, stacking them
on their sides along the wall. But at least four
of the screens were damaged somehow over the
winter. How can I prevent further damage this
winter? -- Hank T., Knoxville, Tenn.
A: Youll probably want to
either find a new location to store the screens,
or adjust the layout of your garage (if possible)
to prevent equipment or people from accidentally
bumping against the screens or things from
falling off shelves onto them.
Screens should be stored either
by laying flat or standing upright, in a dry area
where the temperature is kept fairly constant. To
keep dust and dirt off of them, cover the stack
One thing Ive found in
older garages of the northeast U.S. is that the
interior walls of many of the garages were lined
with the screen windows from the house.
Homeowners simply rigged up the lightweight
windows to hang along the walls, protecting them
from weather, dirt and falling objects, then
reinstalled them come spring.
Another option is to reserve
the top shelves of your heavy-duty garage storage
shelves to lay the screens flat, if theyll
fit. This will keep the screens off the floor,
away from dampness, most dirt, falling objects
and curious children, and in a decent airflow
situation (an important consideration if the
screen frames are wood).
If the damaged screens
havent been repaired yet, make a note to
fix them over the winter so theyll be ready
to put up right away come spring. Small holes or
dings can be patched easily. If the screen has a
big tear or you just want it to look uniform,
replace the entire screen. Kits are available at
your local hardware or home-improvement store.
HOME TIP: Clean window screens
by laying them flat on the driveway and gently
scrubbing with a soft brush dipped in warm soapy
water, then rinse clean. Dont pressure wash
screens or windows.
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