The Mornin' Mail is published every weekday except major holidays
Monday, October 4, 2010 Volume XIX, Number 74

did ya know?.

Did Ya Know?.. . Carthage Farmers Market every Wed. and Sat starting at 7 a.m.


today's laugh

So there’s this fellow with a parrot. And this parrot swears like a sailor, I mean he’s a pistol. He can swear for five minutes straight without repeating himself.

One day, it gets to be too much, so the guy grabs the bird by the throat, shakes him really hard, and yells, "QUIT IT!" But this just makes the bird mad and he swears more.

Then the guy gets mad and says, "OK for you." and locks the bird in a kitchen cabinet. When the guy finally lets him out, the bird cuts loose with a stream of vulgarities that would make a veteran sailor blush.

At that point, the guy is so mad that he throws the bird into the freezer. For the first few seconds there is a terrible din. The bird kicks and claws and thrashes. Then it suddenly gets very quiet. At first the guy just waits, but then he starts to think and he opens up the freezer door.

The bird calmly climbs onto the man’s outstretched arm and says, "Awfully sorry about the trouble I gave you. I’ll do my best to improve my vocabulary from now on."

The man is astounded. He can’t understand the transformation that has come over the parrot. Then the parrot says, "By the way, what did the chicken do?"


A Chronological Record of Events as they have Transpired in the City and County since our last Issue.

A Runaway on Olive Street.

I. W. Driesbach and his aged father, J. E. Driesbach, hitched up at half past 5 last evening to go to the pasture field after the cows, but they forgot to buckle the outer belly band that holds the shafts down, and trouble ensued. The road runs down hill at a sharp grade immediately after leaving the yard, and of course the shafts flew high in the air and the buggy collided with the horse’s hind legs. The astonished animal attempted to kick, but there was not room, so he gave a tremendous lunge to get away from the vehicle. I. W. Driesbach went out over one wheel and his father over the other, and the liberated nag plunged down the bill and started across Mrs. Ogden’s yard.

Martin Driesbach was going along on his wheel, and he quickly cut across lots and headed the obstreperous animal off. Strange to say neither of the men were injured beyond a few bruises, nor were horse, vehicle or harness seriously damaged.

  Today's Feature

Maple Leaf Quilt Show Relocated.

The 2010 Maple Leaf Quilt Show is moving indoors. Event Chairman Amy Campbell has announced arrangements to move the show indoors to protect the quilts from the elements.

The Quilt Show will be held inside the former Citywide Auto Parts building at 400 S. Maple, across from the Carthage Police Department.

Entry forms are available at Block By Block Quilt Shop at 530 W. Fir Road and are currently being accepted at the store. Judging categories include: Appliqued, Pieced, Appliqued and Pieced, Embroidered, Vintage, and Baby/Youth. Deadline for entries is October 8th.

This year’s quilt show is a one-day event on Saturday, October 16 from noon to 5 p.m. The new location offers plenty of parking in the front and rear of the building, plus the neighboring city parking lot.

"We just want to ensure that everyone can view the beautiful craftsmanship in the quilts, rain or shine," said Amy Campbell, chair of the event. "The new location offers the convenience of being close to the downtown events." If anyone has questions regarding their entry, they can reach Amy at 358-2009.

The annual Maple Leaf Parade typically draws a crowd of 65,000-80,000 attendees and will commence promptly at 9 a.m. on Saturday, October 16 at the historic Carthage Square. Touted as the "largest parade in southwest Missouri", the parade typically has approximately 200 entries.

Maple Leaf Festival brochures are available through the Chamber in both English and Spanish. Simply contact Chamber staff or stop in to pick up a supply to share with friends, employees, family and groups.

Just Jake Talkin'

Now I suppose that if a fella was out pear pickin’ and happened to be standin’ exactly where the perfect pear was fallin’, and he happened to see it on the way down and caught if ‘fore it hit the ground and got all bruised, most would call that good luck. Some would call it the ultimate windfall.

The fact is, the pear was gonna fall whether the fella was there or not. The fact that he happened to be standin’ in the perfect spot was most likely ‘cause he was lookin’ for the opportunity. It wasn’t luck at all. He had prepared himself to be ready to take advantage of any opportunity that happened to arise, then took action to take advantage of the the situation. Lotta folks woulda been lookin’ at their feet and ended up with pear juice in their hair.

This is some fact, but mostly,

Just Jake Talkin’.

Sponsored by Carthage Printing Services

Weekly Columns


By Samantha Mazzotta

Storing Window Screens


Q: Last year I took my window screens down and put up my storm windows. I stored the screens in the garage, stacking them on their sides along the wall. But at least four of the screens were damaged somehow over the winter. How can I prevent further damage this winter? -- Hank T., Knoxville, Tenn.


A: You’ll probably want to either find a new location to store the screens, or adjust the layout of your garage (if possible) to prevent equipment or people from accidentally bumping against the screens or things from falling off shelves onto them.

Screens should be stored either by laying flat or standing upright, in a dry area where the temperature is kept fairly constant. To keep dust and dirt off of them, cover the stack with plastic.

One thing I’ve found in older garages of the northeast U.S. is that the interior walls of many of the garages were lined with the screen windows from the house. Homeowners simply rigged up the lightweight windows to hang along the walls, protecting them from weather, dirt and falling objects, then reinstalled them come spring.

Another option is to reserve the top shelves of your heavy-duty garage storage shelves to lay the screens flat, if they’ll fit. This will keep the screens off the floor, away from dampness, most dirt, falling objects and curious children, and in a decent airflow situation (an important consideration if the screen frames are wood).

If the damaged screens haven’t been repaired yet, make a note to fix them over the winter so they’ll be ready to put up right away come spring. Small holes or dings can be patched easily. If the screen has a big tear or you just want it to look uniform, replace the entire screen. Kits are available at your local hardware or home-improvement store.

HOME TIP: Clean window screens by laying them flat on the driveway and gently scrubbing with a soft brush dipped in warm soapy water, then rinse clean. Don’t pressure wash screens or windows.

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