| today's
laugh A shepherd was
herding his flocks when suddenly a brand new Jeep
Cherokee advanced towards him out of a dust cloud. The
driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray
Ban sunglasses and a YSL tie, leans out of the window and
asks: "If I can tell you exactly how many sheep you
have in your flock, will you give me one?"
The shepherd looks at the yuppie, then
at his grazing flock and answers, "Sure!"
The yuppie parks the car, whips out his
notebook, connects it to a cell phone, surfs to a NASA
page where he calls up a GPS navigation system, scans the
area and opens a database, turns to our shepherd and
says: "You have exactly 1586 sheep!"
"That’s correct. Take one of
the sheep," says the shepherd. The man makes a
selection and puts it into his Cherokee.
The car starts to pull away, he calls:
"If I can tell you exactly what your business is,
will you give me my sheep back?"
"Okay, why not?" answers the
man.
"You are a consultant" he
says.
"How’d ya guess?" says
the yuppie.
"Easy," answers the shepherd.
"You turn up here without being asked. You want to
be paid for information I already have. And you
don’t know anything about my business because you
just took my dog."
1910
INTERESTING MELANGE.
A Chronological Record of Events as they have
Transpired in the City and County since our last Issue.
VAN HOOSE STUDIO
OPENED.
Palatial Photographic
Parlors
The Van Hoose art studio was today
thrown open to the public. The rooms are the same as were
occupied by Castor’s gallery, but are so changed
they are beyond recognition. The reception room has been
handsomely repainted, new carpet put down, lace curtains
added and everything fitted up in elegance and taste. A
pretty center settee, surmounted by a large palm, affords
a luxurious lounging place. In one corner is a pretty
upright piano, while around the room in profuse yet
studied neglect are photos, pastels and other specimens
of Mr. Van Hoose’s art.
The center room has been converted into
an office. A bright, new carpet has been added, new paper
put on the walls, wood work grained and all bathed in
subdued light from a well arranged skylight. In one
corner of the office a dressing room has been added that
is as cozy as it is convenient.
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Today's Feature Maple Leaf Safety Fair.
News Release - In
conjunction with NFPA’s Fire Prevention Week
Campaign, the Carthage Fire Department will be
hosting its First Annual Maple Leaf Safety Fair
This event will be on October
9th, 2010 between 9:00 am and 1:00 pm at the
Carthage Fire Department, 401 W. Chestnut,
Carthage, MO.
Six local Fire Departments,
listed below will have trucks and firemen
attending this event:
Avilla, Carterville, Duenweg,
Jasper, Oronogo and Sarcoxie
Other departments and
businesses participating include:
MedFlight to be landing,
Carthage Police Department personnel and their
DWI Car, Missouri Highway Patrol’s Mike
Watson and their Roll Over Car, M&M Wrecker,
Carthage Ambulance, Jasper County Emergency
Services (JASCO) and the Kids First - Safe Kids
Trailer
Come help us celebrate the week
ending Fire Prevention Week and thank our
Emergency Management Responding Personnel. Tours
of the Carthage Fire Department will also be
given.
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Just Jake
Talkin'
Mornin',
I’ve learned not to
take it personal.
Bein’ associated with
newspaper types, it’s not unusual that
my unexpected presence brings an involved
discussion to a halt. ‘Course the main
thing I’ve learned is that there are
some things that are just none a my business.
Believe it or not, there are some things that
I just don’t really want ta know.
If you’ve ever sat
through a detailed epic of your nephew’s
bout with car sickness on the way to the
Thanksgivin’ dinner your tryin’ to
eat, you understand what I mean. It’s
all real interestin’, but ya really
don’t want to hear about it right now.
Maybe later, after a little nap. Maybe then
I’ll be up to defendin’ myself with
a story or two of my own.
This is some fact, but
mostly,
Just Jake Talkin’.
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Carthage Printing Services |
Weekly
Columns
HERE’S A
TIP
By
JoAnn Derson
•"Before you wash a
load of towels, dampen one and use it to wipe
down the sides and top of your washer and dryer.
Then just toss the towel in with the load. Also,
keep a toothbrush close to give the
fabric-softener reservoir a scrub, and rinse it
in hot water often." -- T.O. in Maryland
• Got kids and need a new
sofa? Look for fabrics that clean up with soap
and water. Upholstery that has subtle color
changes or is woven or textured will hide stains;
napped fabric and flat finishes show water spots
and wear spots.
• For wood floors, make
sure you dust-mop regularly. Dirt can scratch up
your floors. Use a mop with a head that can be
popped into the washer, and do so regularly.
• "My children love
to read, and if they had it their way, they would
have hundreds of books. To keep their interest in
reading hot, we use the library, but we also
patronize a local used-book store. They can
search the stacks to find favorite authors and
subjects, and they turn in books to get credit
toward new ones. If they love a book at the
library, try to find one at the bookstore to
keep." -- A.C. in Florida
• Great advice that will
save you money: Lower the temperature of your
water heater to 105 F. It’s hot enough for
washing, but not hot enough to scald a small
child or sensitive skin.
• "Ever since we
installed shaker pegs in the kids’ bathroom,
the towels get hung up regularly. I think they
used to have trouble putting the towels on the
bar, and it’s easier this way." -- E.S.
in Oregon
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