A Swiss man, looking for directions, pulls up at
a bus stop where two Americans are waiting.
"Entschuldigung, koennen Sie Deutsch sprechen?"
he asks. The two Americans just stare at him.
"Excusez-moi, parlez vous Fracais?" he tries.
The two continue to stare. "Parlare Italiano?"
No response. "Hablan ustedes Espanol?" Still
nothing. The Swiss guy drives off, extremely disgusted.
The first American turns to the second and says,
"Yknow, maybe we should learn a foreign
language." "Why?" says the other.
"That guy knew four languages, and it didnt do
him any good."
The vocalist was practicing in the
church with all the windows open.
As she stepped outside what a whiff of
fresh air, she noticed the gardener trimming the shrubs.
"How did you like my execution?" she asked.
The gardener without turning to look at
her said, "Im in favor of it."
3 out of 4 Americans make up 75% of the
A Chronological Record of Events as they have
Transpired in the City and County since our last Issue.
THE CASE OF A
About the Hair
That Isnt There and Why the Hair is Missing.
The High School Crescent society will
hold their regular semi-monthly open meeting Friday night
in the High school assembly room. An excellent program
has been prepared, one of the principal features of which
will be a "mock trial," in which Frank Calkins
will prosecute Harvey Goble for cutting off one half of
his mustache and selling it to a hair mattress factory.
The incident is alleged to have
occurred several days ago. It is further alleged that a
number of students caught Frank Calkins and shaved off
one half of his mustache hence the suit.
As a result of this incident a notice
has been hung up in the High school which reads as
follows, "First class barber work done in the High
school basement. Shaving a specialty. Harvey Goble,
Last appearing in 1998, Brood
XIX of periodical cicada will pupate into
adulthood and join us above ground this spring.
Brood XIX is a 13-year cicada grouping that
stretches from Missouri to Illinois and south
into northern Louisiana then east to North
Periodical Cicada will start to
emerge from late April to early May and be around
into early July. They are large insects ranging
from .75 to 1.5 inches long. Individuals can
scare some people as they accidentally fly into
them. The males will fly to the top of trees with
sunny leaves and start to sing to attract a mate.
The large number singing will develop into a
joint cadence. The volume of the singing can
become annoying. After mating, females will look
for small twigs, preferably 1/4 to 1/2 inch in
diameter, to lay eggs in. The female inserts a
saw-like ovipositor to open a slit in the twig
where she will lay her eggs in it. She will
repeat this multiple times possibly creating a
continuous slit along the twig. The nymphs will
hatch after 6 to 10 weeks, then drop to the
ground to burrow in and feed on tree roots.
The sheer numbers of cicada all
at one time will ensure most trees will have some
damageapple, pear, dogwood, oak and hickory
are favorite hosts. Branches with severe damage
will have twig dieback. On larger, established
trees this will not be a problem for tree health,
but will create a short term visual of brown
leaves. Highly valued ornamental trees, young
trees, and small shrubs may be protected by
wrapping with mesh cloth with openings less than
3/8 inch. Be sure to tie the cloth tightly around
the trunk to prevent cicada from climbing in from
below. While sensitive to some protective
chemicals, female cicada usually will be able to
lay some eggs before succumbing.
Corrective pruning of small
damaged trees in the winter may be needed to
re-establish a central leader of the main stem.
Folks often complain about
how long it takes ta get things done when
dealin with the government. Red tape,
bureaucracts, and the like. The fact is, our
form a government was intentionally
structured so as ta make things hard ta
In fact in a lot a cases,
its more frustratin for elected
officials to change things than it is for the
rest of us. Course thats why the
system is built the way it is.
Although its easy to
understand wantin to hurry up the
process, even the appearance of public
officials tryin to bypass the normal
procedure typically results in the erosion of
Cards can be played close
to the vest, but even in a friendly game,
its best ta keep your hands above the
This is some fact, but
Just Jake Talkin.
THIS IS A HAMMER
By Samantha Mazzotta
Outdoor Pipe Disables Spigot
Q: Im not sure how, but
when checking the outdoor spigots this spring I
noticed that the steel pipe behind one of them
had swelled and split. I had turned off water to
this pipe last fall so Im not sure how this
happened, and I dont see any water damage
in the basement. Why did this occur? Whats
the cheapest fix so I can use this spigot again
soon? -- Frank T., Dover, N.H.
A: Im not sure exactly
why it happened either. Perhaps if the tap
wasnt fully drained after you turned off
water at the nearest shutoff valve, perhaps some
water pooled just behind the spigot and, when a
hard freeze occurred, the water froze, expanded
and split the pipe.
Im also not sure
theres a truly cheap fix for this. Duct
tape will keep water from spraying all over the
place but wont stop a leak and will quickly
break down. You need to keep the water turned off
and the pipe drained, and contact a plumber as
soon as possible. The pipe will need to be
replaced, perhaps all the way back to the shutoff
Get a written estimate -- two
or more if youre not sure how much the job
should cost -- and decide from there when and how
youll have the pipe replaced. Because it
sounds like youve got galvanized steel
pipe, the plumber will recommend a different
material (galvanized steel isnt used
anymore -- period) and he or she may recommend
replacing all the steel pipes, though probably
not all at once.
Meantime, it would be a good
idea to check all of the other pipes leading
outside for similar damage. Hopefully,
thats the only one you have to deal with
right now. Also, since the Northeast is still at
risk in April of more hard freezes occurring,
keep the outside spigots turned off and drained
for a few more weeks. Homes with newer plumbing
dont have to worry as much about outside
pipes freezing and splitting in early spring, but
older pipe systems need to be more closely
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