The Mornin' Mail is published every weekday except major holidays
Tuesday, April 19, 2011 Volume XIX, Number 208

did ya know?.

Did Ya Know?...A Benefit for Cancer patient Mike Evans will be held Sat. April 30 from 5 to 8 p.m. at the Fairview Christian Church. Info call 358-4962

today's laugh

A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street.

"But officer." the man began, "I can explain,".

"Just be quiet," snapped the officer. "I’m going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back..."

"But officer, I just wanted to say...."

"And I said to keep quiet! You’re going to jail!"

A few hours later the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, "Lucky for you that the chief is at his daughter’s wedding. He’ll be in a good mood when he gets back."

"Don’t count on it," answered the fellow in the cell. "I’m the groom."


Police Quotes:

"You don’t know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?"


"Warning! You want a warning? OK., I’m warning you not to do that again or I’ll give you another ticket."


"The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"


"Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."


"No sir, we don’t have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we’re allowed to write as many tickets as we can."


A Chronological Record of Events as they have Transpired in the City and County since our last Issue.


His Name is Joseph Botts and He is a Morphine Fiend.

A man, giving his name as Joseph Botts, was arrested by Marshal Stafford while trying to sell a pair of check reins at George’s second hand store on North Main street.

Some days ago the fellow sold Mr. George a bridle and a pair of lines. They were identified by Mr. Dixon, who lives on South Maple street, as his property.

Mr. George told Marshal Stafford of the circumstance and has kept a watch for the fellow. He came back this afternoon and Mr. George went out saying he was after some change but instead of going for change he went after the Marshal, who arrested the fellow in front of the store.

Botts was taken before Justice Harvey Tyree and given ten days in jail. He claimed to be from Colorado. He is a morphine fiend of the very worst kind and says he stole the harness to obtain money.

  Today's Feature

From the Minutes.

"The Jasper County Commission met in session, Thursday, April 14, 2011 at the Carthage Courthouse. (Presiding Commissioner) John Bartosh and (Commissioner) Darieus Adams were in attendance.

"After much discussion John Bartosh made a motion to adopt the Jasper County Commission Order (see inside). Darieus Adams seconded the motion. Motion passed.

"The commission made the decision to require the grant fund panel to meet in the Carthage Courthouse. They will be appointed by the Commissioners and hold two (2) year term.

"After additional discussion John Bartosh made a motion to adopt the Jasper County Commission Order (see inside). Darieus Adams seconded the motion. The Motion passed.

"Sheriff Archie Dunn instructed the Commissioners that he will hire an attorney and ask the Commission to table the decisions on the above Commission Orders. It was denied.

"The meeting was adjourned."



The Commission Orders.

Jasper County Commission Order

"Jasper County Commission Order dated August 29th, 2005, commonly known as the order authorizing the law enforcement tax shall be amended as follows:

SECTION 4: Section 4 shall be stricken in its entirety and the authority of the original Grants App;ication Panel to act shall terminate immediately. Section 4 shall now read as follows:

4.3% of the returned amount shall be made available to the Jasper County Juvenile Office, cities in Jasper County that want to contract police services with the Sheriff’s Office, and other law enforcement agencies in Jasper County, through annual grant applications submitted to the Grant Application Panel. Grant applications shall be submitted by December 31 of each year, and will be reviewed by the Grant Application Panel consisting of five members. The Grant Application Panel will be appointed by the County Commission. The members of the Panel shall be at least 21 years of age; residents of Jasper County for one year, and cannot be employed by any law enforcement agency. The members of the Panel shall be appointed for a term of 2 years but serve at the pleasure of the County Commission.

All applications to the Panel for grants shall be in writing and on file with the Clerk of Jasper County for review by the public. All awarding of grants shall be by a public meeting to be held in the Jasper County Commission Chambers. The awarding of grants shall be determined by the Panel but grants shall be awarded at least once in a calendar year."

Jasper County Commission Order

"Any previous order or commission minutes approving a "Sheriff’s Contingency Fund" is hereby recinded in total effective immediately. The Sheriff of Jasper County is hereby authorized to collect any fees, fines, costs, commissions, penalties, and charges as is specivically authorized by Missouri State Statutes or the Missouri Constitution. Any such funds collected shall be paid into the county treasury and accounted for as provided by V.A.M.S. 50.340"

Just Jake Talkin'

I wonder sometimes if the apparent intolerance for change as folks grow older comes from the accumulation of maturity or just the impatience to understand anything new.

It seems that with ever’ passin’ year it gets more and more difficult to withstand the temptation to quickly dismiss any alteration of the norm as whacko.

I’m talkin’ ‘bout the ever’day things like playin’ loud music or not tyin’ laces on shoes.

As has no doubt been done for generations, some observation of breakin’ of tradition and shock value is to be expected. The real dilemma in this discussion comes to the question of whether with age comes wisdom or fogyism. I know as a kid I didn’t know any wise elders, they were all old fogies.

This is some fact, but mostly,

Just Jake Talkin’

Sponsored by Carthage Printing

Weekly Column

To Your Good Health

By Paul G. Donohue, M.D.

Stop Muscle Loss Due to Aging

DEAR DR. DONOHUE: Can I reverse sarcopenia, or just slow it down? What I would like to know is what can I do for my thighs? How often should I do it? And I’d like something for my stomach. -- J.H.

ANSWER: For readers: Sarcopenia is muscle shrinkage that comes with age.

Weightlifting stops the wasting away of muscles and builds them up. Older people are not going to develop the same muscle size that a 20-year-old can, but they can see a marked improvement in their strength and an increase in muscle size through weightlifting.

For your specific thigh problem, the squat is a good exercise. From the standing position, you bend your knees until your thighs are parallel to the ground. You don’t have to touch your heels with your buttocks. Lower yourself only to the position I mentioned. Farther than that can hurt the knees.

Start out doing the exercise with no additional weight. Your body weight is enough at first. As you gain experience and strength, you can use additional weight, either a barbell supported behind your neck and on your shoulders, or you can hold on to weights. When you start using weights, exercise three times a week with a full day’s rest between exercise sessions.

For your abdomen, the bicycle maneuver is one of the best exercises. Lie on the floor and raise your legs straight up. Then bend the knees to a right angle so your lower legs are parallel to the floor. Now start pedaling as though you were riding a bike.

DEAR DR. DONOHUE: When you and others tell people to walk for exercise, exactly what does that mean in terms of speed? -- L.M.

ANSWER: The ideal walking speed is 3 to 3.5 miles an hour or 1 mile in 17 to 20 minutes. If that’s too fast a pace for you, walk at a speed you can maintain for at least 10 minutes.

Copyright 2011, Heritage Publishing. All rights reserved.