A police officer in a small town stopped a
motorist who was speeding down Main Street.
"But officer." the man began,
"I can explain,".
"Just be quiet," snapped the
officer. "Im going to let you cool your heels
in jail until the chief gets back..."
"But officer, I just wanted to
"And I said to keep quiet!
Youre going to jail!"
A few hours later the officer looked in
on his prisoner and said, "Lucky for you that the
chief is at his daughters wedding. Hell be in
a good mood when he gets back."
"Dont count on it,"
answered the fellow in the cell. "Im the
"You dont know how fast you
were going? I guess that means I can write anything I
want to on the ticket, huh?"
"Warning! You want a warning? OK.,
Im warning you not to do that again or Ill
give you another ticket."
"The answer to this last question
will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey
Mouse a cat or a dog?"
"Yeah, we have a quota. Two more
tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."
"No sir, we dont have quotas
anymore. We used to, but now were allowed to write
as many tickets as we can."
A Chronological Record of Events as they have
Transpired in the City and County since our last Issue.
His Name is Joseph
Botts and He is a Morphine Fiend.
A man, giving his name as Joseph Botts,
was arrested by Marshal Stafford while trying to sell a
pair of check reins at Georges second hand store on
North Main street.
Some days ago the fellow sold Mr.
George a bridle and a pair of lines. They were identified
by Mr. Dixon, who lives on South Maple street, as his
Mr. George told Marshal Stafford of the
circumstance and has kept a watch for the fellow. He came
back this afternoon and Mr. George went out saying he was
after some change but instead of going for change he went
after the Marshal, who arrested the fellow in front of
Botts was taken before Justice Harvey
Tyree and given ten days in jail. He claimed to be from
Colorado. He is a morphine fiend of the very worst kind
and says he stole the harness to obtain money.
From the Minutes.
"The Jasper County
Commission met in session, Thursday, April 14,
2011 at the Carthage Courthouse. (Presiding
Commissioner) John Bartosh and (Commissioner)
Darieus Adams were in attendance.
"After much discussion
John Bartosh made a motion to adopt the Jasper
County Commission Order (see inside). Darieus
Adams seconded the motion. Motion passed.
"The commission made the
decision to require the grant fund panel to meet
in the Carthage Courthouse. They will be
appointed by the Commissioners and hold two (2)
discussion John Bartosh made a motion to adopt
the Jasper County Commission Order (see inside).
Darieus Adams seconded the motion. The Motion
"Sheriff Archie Dunn
instructed the Commissioners that he will hire an
attorney and ask the Commission to table the
decisions on the above Commission Orders. It was
"The meeting was
Jasper County Commission
"Jasper County Commission
Order dated August 29th, 2005, commonly known as
the order authorizing the law enforcement tax
shall be amended as follows:
SECTION 4: Section 4 shall be
stricken in its entirety and the authority of the
original Grants App;ication Panel to act shall
terminate immediately. Section 4 shall now read
4.3% of the returned amount
shall be made available to the Jasper County
Juvenile Office, cities in Jasper County that
want to contract police services with the
Sheriffs Office, and other law enforcement
agencies in Jasper County, through annual grant
applications submitted to the Grant Application
Panel. Grant applications shall be submitted by
December 31 of each year, and will be reviewed by
the Grant Application Panel consisting of five
members. The Grant Application Panel will be
appointed by the County Commission. The members
of the Panel shall be at least 21 years of age;
residents of Jasper County for one year, and
cannot be employed by any law enforcement agency.
The members of the Panel shall be appointed for a
term of 2 years but serve at the pleasure of the
All applications to the Panel
for grants shall be in writing and on file with
the Clerk of Jasper County for review by the
public. All awarding of grants shall be by a
public meeting to be held in the Jasper County
Commission Chambers. The awarding of grants shall
be determined by the Panel but grants shall be
awarded at least once in a calendar year."
Jasper County Commission
"Any previous order or
commission minutes approving a
"Sheriffs Contingency Fund" is
hereby recinded in total effective immediately.
The Sheriff of Jasper County is hereby authorized
to collect any fees, fines, costs, commissions,
penalties, and charges as is specivically
authorized by Missouri State Statutes or the
Missouri Constitution. Any such funds collected
shall be paid into the county treasury and
accounted for as provided by V.A.M.S.
I wonder sometimes if the
apparent intolerance for change as folks grow
older comes from the accumulation of maturity
or just the impatience to understand anything
It seems that with
ever passin year it gets more and
more difficult to withstand the temptation to
quickly dismiss any alteration of the norm as
bout the everday things like
playin loud music or not tyin
laces on shoes.
As has no doubt been done
for generations, some observation of
breakin of tradition and shock value is
to be expected. The real dilemma in this
discussion comes to the question of whether
with age comes wisdom or fogyism. I know as a
kid I didnt know any wise elders, they
were all old fogies.
This is some fact, but
Just Jake Talkin
To Your Good
By Paul G. Donohue,
Muscle Loss Due to Aging
DEAR DR. DONOHUE: Can I reverse
sarcopenia, or just slow it down? What I would
like to know is what can I do for my thighs? How
often should I do it? And Id like something
for my stomach. -- J.H.
ANSWER: For readers: Sarcopenia
is muscle shrinkage that comes with age.
Weightlifting stops the wasting
away of muscles and builds them up. Older people
are not going to develop the same muscle size
that a 20-year-old can, but they can see a marked
improvement in their strength and an increase in
muscle size through weightlifting.
For your specific thigh
problem, the squat is a good exercise. From the
standing position, you bend your knees until your
thighs are parallel to the ground. You dont
have to touch your heels with your buttocks.
Lower yourself only to the position I mentioned.
Farther than that can hurt the knees.
Start out doing the exercise
with no additional weight. Your body weight is
enough at first. As you gain experience and
strength, you can use additional weight, either a
barbell supported behind your neck and on your
shoulders, or you can hold on to weights. When
you start using weights, exercise three times a
week with a full days rest between exercise
For your abdomen, the bicycle
maneuver is one of the best exercises. Lie on the
floor and raise your legs straight up. Then bend
the knees to a right angle so your lower legs are
parallel to the floor. Now start pedaling as
though you were riding a bike.
DEAR DR. DONOHUE: When you and
others tell people to walk for exercise, exactly
what does that mean in terms of speed? -- L.M.
ANSWER: The ideal walking speed
is 3 to 3.5 miles an hour or 1 mile in 17 to 20
minutes. If thats too fast a pace for you,
walk at a speed you can maintain for at least 10
Copyright 2011, Heritage
Publishing. All rights reserved.