The Mornin' Mail is published every weekday except major holidays
Wednesday, April 27, 2011 Volume XIX, Number 214

did ya know?.

Did Ya Know?...A Benefit for Cancer patient Mike Evans will be held Sat. April 30 from 5 to 8 p.m. at the Fairview Christian Church. Info call 358-4962

today's laugh

A cannibal entered the meat market to buy something nice for dinner. The owner greeted him and told him to look around. The cannibal began to inspect the meat case and noticed the market specialized in brain.

Upon further inspection he noticed a marked disparity between the costs of brain meats. A carpenter’s brain sells for $1.50 per pound. A plumber’s brain sells for $2.25 per pound. He noticed with alarm that a politician’s brain sells for $375.00 a pound. With not a little curiosity he asked the owner why the huge difference in price between the similar meats.

The owner responded with a deadpan look on his face, "Do you realize how many politicians it takes to get a pound of brains?"


What do cannibals call athletes?

Fast food!


If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?


Why isn’t there mouse-flavored cat food?


A Chronological Record of Events as they have Transpired in the City and County since our last Issue.

Stole a Horse and Buggy at Sarcoxie - the Buggy Found in Carthage.

N. M. Forsythe, of Bowers Mill, was in Carthage today inssearch of a horse and buggy stolen from Sarcoxie last night. His son, Jesse, a young man of 20 years, drove to Sarcoxie Sunday evening to see his best girl and left his horse hitched to a tree. On his return an hour or so later he found the rig gone.

The trip to Carthage today resulted in Marshal Stafford finding the stolen buggy and harness in the north part of the city at the foot of Elm street. The horse, halter and laprobe are missing.


Since the above was in type, Mr. Forsythe has been notified that the pony was seen going toward home. This would indicate that the animal was turned loose when the vehicle was abandoned.

  Today's Feature

Restricted Boating On Table Rock And Taneycomo Lakes Due To High Water Levels

The Missouri State Highway Patrol, cautions recreational boaters to avoid boating on Table Rock Lake and Lake Taneycomo because of the current flood conditions. Large amounts of floating debris due to the elevated water levels have made boat operation hazardous on both lakes. Significant damage has occurred to dock structures on both Table Rock and Taneycomo lakes. Increased wave action caused by boats on these lakes would cause additional damage to dock structures and seawalls already under stress from the water levels. The Water Patrol has canceled current regatta permits for fishing tournaments on Table Rock Lake and Lake Taneycomo to help minimize damage to flooded areas.

Dock owners are reminded to be cautious when working around dock structures.

Table Rock Lake already has had historic releases of water from this floodevent and could possibly see the water level top the historic high seen in the spring 2008.

Just Jake Talkin'

The other day, the daughter walked in the house after not bein’ around for a few weeks. She was wearin’ sunglasses and a hat of sorts. Nothin’ the neighbor’s dog could identify with and it startled the mutt.

The dog went ta growlin’ and barkin’, and the neighbor came rushin’ to the kitchen to see the problem. After a moment of calmin’ down the dog, it returned to its oversized puppy self, lickin’ the daughter’s hand and wantin’ to play.

The owner of the pup was a little surprised at the action, but felt it was a good sign. If a stranger did happen on the place, the dog would give a loud warnin’.

I suppose a good bark, even when it’s used mainly to draw attention, does have it’s place. It’s surely better than whimpin’ off to a corner to hide.

This is some fact, but mainly,

Just Jake Talkin’.

Sponsored by Carthage Printing

Weekly Column


By JoAnn Derson

• "My roses really look beautiful. When I am cutting stems to put in a bouquet, I use a clothespin to grip the stem. It saves me from getting pricked by thorns, because it has a bit of reach to it." -- L.E. in Georgia

• For even distribution in sowing seeds for your garden, use a saltshaker for tiny seeds. You can get a cheese shaker for larger seeds, if necessary.

• To keep your brick walkway clear of grass and weeds, sprinkle salt in the cracks.

• "If you have to cut a nylon cord or shoelace, you can use a flame to melt the end into a nub that won’t run or fray. Use a little heat and press it together on a hard surface very briefly. It works fast!" -- R.S. in Maine

• "Cars are getting so big these days. I use a string mop to wash the top and back of my van. I can reach everything better, and it does a great job." -- S.C. in Nevada

• To get glass shower doors squeaky clean, use a paste of baking soda and water to scrub stubborn water stains, then rinse the whole thing with straight white vinegar. Put the vinegar in a spray bottle and spray well, then rub off with a sponge. Rinse with plain water.

Copyright 2011, Heritage Publishing. All rights reserved.