The Mornin' Mail is published every weekday except major holidays
Thursday, April 7, 2011 Volume XIX, Number 200

did ya know?.

Did Ya Know?...Leggett & Platt, Branch One will host a Family Skate Sunday, April 10th 2-4 p.m. at the Carthage Municipal Roller Rink. The cost will be $5 per person. All proceeds will benefit the Carthage Area United Way, Inc. For information, call 417-358-8131, ext, 4200.

today's laugh

One cockroach runs into another in a drain. "Did you hear about the new restaurant?" says one roach. "It’s unbelievable — the refrigerator looks like polished silver, the shelves are clean as a whistle and —"

"Stop," says the other roach. "Not while I’m eating!"

A termite walks into a barroom and asks, "Is the bar tender here?"

 

A farmer sits on a stool, milking his cow. The fly circles the cow’s head, and then flies into the cow’s ear. The farmer keeps milking the cow. Suddenly, he notices the fly, floating in the bucket of milk. The fly went in one ear and out the udder!

A flea jumped over the swinging doors of a saloon, drank three whiskeys and jumped out again. He picked himself up from the dirt, dusted himself down and said, "OK, who moved my dog?"


1911


INTERESTING MELANGE.
A Chronological Record of Events as they have Transpired in the City and County since our last Issue.

CAUGHT THE HORSES.

A farmer’s team left unhitched in front of the postoffice last evening, started to walk away. The farmer’s dog was under the wagon and stepped out evidently to see who was driving, for, seeing no one on the seat, he ran in front of the team, jumping at the horses heads without barking.

The horses jerked this way and that way to dodge the dog, but the faithful animal stayed right in front of them. Finally it jumped high enough to grasp the inside check lines in its teeth, bringing the horses to a stop as it dropped between them.

At this moment the farmer came out and thinking the dog was acting maliciously he took a whip from the wagon and started at the dog.

Admiring bystanders told him what the dog had done, and the old farmer bought him a dime’s worth of beef steak instead of giving him the whip

  Today's Feature

Visioning Committee Meet.

The City of Carthage Visioning Committee is scheduled to meet this evening in Memorial Hall for the second presentation by the group of Drury University students. The public is invited to the meeting that will be held from 6:30 until 8:30 p.m.

The students will be presenting visual representations of the community’s ideas so far. There will be a brief graphical presentation followed by a time for the community to discuss the vision that has been developed. Every ones opinion is vital in the development of a successful vision for the future.

April DWI Check Points Announced.

Captain Juan Villanueva, commanding officer of Troop D, Springfield, announces that driving while intoxicated saturations will be held in Jasper and Stone counties sometime during the month of April 2011. Troopers assigned to the saturations will concentrate their efforts on highways which have been found to have a higher number of alcohol-related crashes and enforcement contacts.

"The Missouri State Highway Patrol is committed to removing intoxicated drivers from our roadways," said Villanueva. "DWI saturations are part of the Patrol’s strategy to make Missouri’s roadways safer."

All citizens are urged to report any driver they observe operating a vehicle in an unsafe manner. The public can contact the Missouri State Highway Patrol toll-free 1-800-525-5555 or on cell phones at *55.


NASCAR THIS WEEK

By Monte Dutton

Fans Are Straw That Stirs NASCAR

Deep down, some fans must know they’re stark, raving mad.

It’s in a good way. In fact, enthusiastic, outrageous, shirts-and-caps-collecting fans make the NASCAR world go around. The drink they’re stirring is a margarita. Declaring the Reggie Jackson clich obsolete on account of the statute of limitations, the fans, collectively, are the straw.

When that green flag waves, and Darrell Waltrip commences to hollerin’, they are crazy as Charlie Sheen. Sheen wants some of what those folks are on.

God love ‘em.

But it’s unreasonable to believe that either, a) NASCAR, or b) Rick Hendrick doesn’t want Dale Earnhardt Jr. to win. It’s no more reasonable to believe that NASCAR wants Jimmie Johnson to win the Sprint Cup championship every year.

Even in Daytona Beach, Fla., most things are on the level.

Many folks seem to think that the media has a bias. This is because it’s difficult for a journalist to think in the head of a fan, who thinks anyone whose opinion is different from his is biased. He or she is biased against him or her, and it’s true, simply because he or she isn’t, in fact, him or her.

He is on first. She is on second. Him is at short. Her is at third. Who’s on the hill? I Don’t Know. Likes to throw curves.

What has recently become apparent is that many fans think it’s perfectly appropriate for members of the media to jump up and down, stomp and cheer wildly after a driver wins a race, which begs the question: Do they want the media to be biased, or don’t they?

Alas, this profession has its own set of rules, same as a plumber, a pediatrician and a politician. OK, maybe politician is a poor example.

Being stark, raving crazy, it’s natural for fans to think the media ought to be stark, raving crazy, too. Which is true, but in a different way.

The best conclusion was probably John Prine’s. "It’s a big, old goofy world."


Just Jake Talkin'
Mornin',

I can’t ever seem ta find a pencil when I’d really rather use one instead of the typical ball point. ‘Course if I do happen to get lucky enough to find the lead centered instrument, it’s eraser is worn to a nub. Guess folks usin’ pencils make more mistakes than the manufacturers recommended per pencil.

As a kid I always had those "extra" erasers that fits over the worn out one. And of course a large eraser that had a soft end and a get down to business end with some kinda sand in it. Good for punchin’ a hole right in the critical homework.

Now that calculators are the norm, I won’t be surprised if folks start thinkin’ of pencils as an antique utensil, sellin’ at the flea market for five bucks a throw.

At least then when I needed a pencil, I’d know where I could find it.

This is some fact, but mostly,

Just Jake Talkin’.


Sponsored by Carthage Printing

Weekly Column

CLICK and CLACK

TALK CARS

Dear Tom and Ray:

I wonder if it is possible to take one feature from a hybrid car and use it on a regular car to save gas. When stopped at a red light or stop sign, or dead cold in a traffic jam, why can’t a regular car have the feature that simply shuts off the engine and then turns it on again when you hit the gas pedal? Come to think of it, golf carts do this, too. Is it some Foreign Oil or Big Three conspiracy that keeps us from benefiting from this ingenious fuel-saving feature? Why couldn’t this be installed in my trusty Saturn Ion? -- Luther

RAY: You already have that feature, Luther. It’s called the key.

TOM: Actually, you’re looking for an automatic system. The good news is that it’s on its way. A number of manufacturers are planning to add "stop-start" technology to their non-hybrid new cars in coming years.

RAY: Engineers say that gas mileage can be increased by as much as 5 percent to 10 percent with stop-start, depending on how much you what? Stop and start!

TOM: But you can’t easily retrofit it to your 2006 Saturn Ion. The problem is that your car’s starting system, which consists of a 12-volt battery and a 12-volt starter motor, is designed to start the car only a few times a day. It’s not built to start the engine hundreds of times a day. And it won’t hold up.

TOM: You’d need a more robust starting system, and that’s really something you have to design from the beginning.

RAY: A popular system in use by cars that have start-stop systems is a belt-driven alternator that doubles as a starter motor. So when the engine is running, the engine spins the alternator, which charges the battery. And when the engine’s not running, the alternator becomes a starter motor, and it turns the belt, which starts the engine.

Copyright 2011, Heritage Publishing. All rights reserved.