A rich women goes to the police station and asks
the police officer to write a complaint about her missing
dog. He say "you should give a brief description
about your dog".
She says one of his ears is missing,
one of his eyes is missing, one of his legs his missing
and his tail is half cut off. He asks for the dogs name.
She replies "lucky".
"President is in Southeast Asia...
and because of the metric system over there, his approval
rating is actually 62."
A young boy was looking through the
family album and asked his mother: "Whos this
guy on the beach with you with all the muscles and curly
"Thats your father."
"Then whos that old
bald-headed fat man who lives with us now?"
A Chronological Record of Events as they have
Transpired in the City and County since our last Issue.
H P Haizlip, special road work Mineral
Joplin Telephone Co., two phones one
J C Young, repairing roof at jail, $14
W A Robbins, supplies for pauper,
Inquest costs in the case of -- Moore,
C N Clark, services as road and bridge
W H Warren, services at sheriff, $45.
W A Turner, services as county agent 6
L W Winter, taking insane patient to
C E Elliott, two days as county judge,
J Roessler, shoes, $1.25
The Carthage CVB is forming a
committee to re-organize the Grand Old Christmas
Tradition. The first meeting will be Tuesday,
August 30, 2011 at 8:00 a.m. at in the Carthage
Chamber of Commerce Board room. As a committee of
the CVB, any community member may assist, sponsor
or join the committee; participants need not be
chamber members. "Ideal members for the
committee would be retailers, faith-based
organizations, holiday event planners and any
person interested in the Celebrating the Holiday
Season in Carthage," says Wendi Douglas
Executive Director, CVB.
Items on the agenda the first
agenda include: 2011 Calendar of Events,
Sponsorship Opportunities, Committee Assignments,
"We feel this is a strong
idea to bring tourists, shoppers and holiday
cheer to the City of Carthage;" said
Douglass, "however, we are struggling to
find the time and talent to move forward. Your
attendance or a response could be vital in a
decision process. I encourage you to forward the
invitation to someone you feel may be excited
about the project."
County Jail Count
Including Placed out of County
NASCAR THIS WEEK
Truex Works Through a
Season of Bad Luck
Its tempting to think
that Martin Truex Jr. has clouds hanging over him
similar to the ones that enshrouded Watkins Glen
Only its been overcast in
Truexs career for a good bit of the time
since June 4, 2007, when he won a NASCAR Sprint
Cup race at Dover (Del.) International Speedway.
He finished 11th in the point standings that
year. Through 2009, Truex competed for Dale
Earnhardt Inc. He now drives the No. 56 NAPA
Toyota for Michael Waltrip Racing.
In the past three years, Truex
has finished 15th, 23rd and 22nd, respectively,
in the standings. Entering the Heluva Good! Sour
Cream Dips at the Glen, he ranked 22nd.
"Bad luck is a tough
thing," Truex said. "Ive had my
share of it the past few years.
"People say you make your
own luck, and you do, somewhat. But there are
times when there is nothing you can do about
Truex, 31, doesnt have
much to show for the current season. He finished
sixth at Las Vegas Motor Speedway in the
seasons third race. Since then he has
collected eighth-place finishes at Dover,
Infineon (Sonoma, Calif.) and Loudon, N.H.
"Luck plays a big part in
what we do," said the Mayetta, N.J., native.
"It takes a million things to go right to
win of these races. It only takes one to go wrong
... a flat tire, the caution coming at the wrong
time, a debris caution after you pit under green
... things like that.
"There are some things
where it doesnt matter what you do, you
cant change them -- and thats luck.
And its tough to deal with, especially when
youve had a good day and your teams
done everything right."
At this point, making the Chase
is outside the realm of practical consideration.
"You have to just forget
about last week, move forward, try to do the best
you can with what you have and you know when your
team is doing good and when theyre
not," said Truex. "You just have to
forget about all those bad things and push
forward and work on the things you can
With all the advances in
communication devices that have been made in
the last several years, I am amazed that it
is still nearly impossible to understand the
person takin an order at a fast food
drive-up. Sometimes I think they put in some
sort of voice scramblin device so as to
make ya accept what ever they have on hand at
I also have a particular
pet peeve with drive-up speaker
orderin. Ya turn in your order, but
when ya get to the window, after youve
paid of course, youre notified that
they just ran out of that one thing ya
stopped there for in the first place. It just
ruins that high quality dinin
experience that weve all come to expect
from fast food restaurants.
And no, I dont want
whatever the special of the minute is, thank
you. I couldnt understand what it was
This is some fact, but
Just Jake Talkin.
Metcalf Auto Supply
CLICK and CLACK
I live in a gated community
with lots of speed bumps to deter speeding. I am
always amazed at the ingenious techniques people
use when they go over speed bumps. There is the
one-wheel technique, the diagonal technique and,
of course, the old-man (3 mph) technique. I
prefer the straight-on-at-20-mph technique. Which
way is best for your car? -- Frank
TOM: Well, the
straight-on-at-20-mph technique is best for US,
Frank. We sell a lot of suspension parts that
RAY: But whats best for
the car? No question about it: The old-man (3
mph) technique. In fact, were going to
rename that approach the "genius
TOM: When you hit bumps hard,
like you do, Frank, you jolt every part of the
suspension system. Its like whacking every
part in the car with a hammer. And even though
cars are built to take a certain amount of
punishment, the more they take and the harder
they take it, the sooner their parts wear out.
RAY: And what happens to older
cars that have taken more than their share of
hard knocks like that? They tend to squeak and
rattle and chatter their way down the road,
dropping occasional parts along the way (see
also: any of my brothers heaps).
TOM: Whereas using the
"genius technique" and going over a
bump like that at 3 mph does practically no
damage. The springs and shocks compress gently
and absorb the bump, and then they decompress.
TOM: And besides, when you go
20 mph over speed bumps, youre defeating
their whole purpose -- to stop knuckleheads from
driving too fast in a pedestrian-heavy area.
Theyre slowing you down for a reason -- so
that kids and older folks and everyone else who
walks or crosses the street is safer.
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