A local United Way office realized that the
organization had never received a donation from the
towns most successful lawyer. The person in charge
of contributions called him to persuade him to
"Our research shows that out of a
yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny
to charity. Wouldnt you like to give back to the
community in some way?"
The lawyer mulled this over for a
moment and replied, "First, did your research also
show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and
has medical bills that are several times her annual
Embarrassed, the United Way rep
mumbled, "Um ... no."
The lawyer interrupts, "or that my
brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a
The stricken United Way rep began to
stammer out an apology, but was interrupted again.
"or that my sisters husband
died in a traffic accident," the lawyers voice
rising in indignation, "leaving her penniless with
The humiliated United Way rep,
completely beaten, said simply, "I had no
On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once
again, "So if I dont give any money to them,
why should I give any to you?"
The college football player knew his
way around the locker room better than he did the
library, so when the librarian saw the gridiron star
roaming the stacks looking confused, she asked how she
"I have to read a play by
Shakespeare," he said.
"Which one?" she asked.
He scanned the shelves and answered,
Friction can be a drag sometimes.
A Chronological Record of Events as they have
Transpired in the City and County since our last Issue.
Mrs. Gilson, an old and well known
resident at Dublin, near Jasper, died this week and was
buried in an old and abandoned cemetery at her own
request beside her husband who had been buried there. She
also requested that her favorite trinkets, a bow and
arrow, an old silver half dollar, sleeve buttons and a
book be buried in her coffin with her body. This was
Mrs. Gilson was known as the
"marshal" on account of the peculiar habit she
had of "laying down the law" to those who went
contrary to her wishes. The following incident is a
sample: Some years ago a new saloon opened up in Jasper
and she warned the proprietor to not sell whiskey to her
son. It appears that her son proved to be one of the
first customers and learning of this, Mrs. Gilson went to
the saloon and pulling two big revolvers on the
barkeeper, reiterated her request with emphasis. The son
received no more whiskey at the Jasper saloon.
Donation from Lujene Clark.
Former City Council member
Lujene Clark has offered to donate a sauna for
the use of Fire Department personnel. The issue
has been discussed informally for the last
The Council Public Safety
Committee failed to approve the donation during
the last regular committee meeting.
According to the minutes of the
meeting, "Chief Thompson reported that Mrs.
Clark had relocated to Georgia but still has a
sauna that she is very passionate about and would
like to donate to the Fire Department. The
saunas purpose is to be used as a
detoxification tool for the personnel if they
have been in contact with any hazardous materials
during a haz-mat incident or a fire incident.
"After a short discussion,
and Chief Thompson expressing that his biggest
issue with the sauna is the publics
perception, Mr. Leibbrand made a motion to
recommend accepting the sauna donation to be used
to help firefighters de-toxify if exposed to any
haz-mat situation, there was no second, motion
County Jail Count
Including Placed out of County
Noticed a lot of
convertibles with tops down the last few
days. There was a time that I thought the
idea of havin an air-conditioner in a
convertible was really silly. I have, of
course, since reconsidered that position.
I havent personally
owned a convertible for a number of years,
and I have ta assume that there have been
improvements to the mechanics and function of
the "rag top." The back window used
ta always be a sensitive contraption. They
zipped in place and got scratched easily as I
remember. I do notice that there hasnt
been any easy solution to puttin on the
"boot." Most of the vehicles
Ive seen run with that protective and
aesthetic coverin not in place.
Havin a few days of
favorable weather to run with the top down is
fun, but thinkin back, it sure was
This is some fact, but
Just Jake Talkin.
To Your Good
By Paul G. Donohue,
Have Gotten an Unfair Reputation
DONOHUE: For the past two years, my husband has
been trying to deal with constipation. We have
tried everything -- lots of fruits and
vegetables, prunes and fiber. He takes a spoonful
of mineral oil daily. He is active and plays golf
twice a week and walks 2 miles on the other
mornings. A lifelong fear of becoming dependent
on laxatives prevents him from taking any. We are
at a loss about what to do. Any suggestions you
make are appreciated. -- J.H.
A lack of fluids, too little fiber and inactivity
are the major causes of constipation. Laxatives
used to be thought of as dangerous remedies, to
be used sparingly if at all. People do not
develop a "laxative habit," and their
colons are not harmed by them. Your husband has
done all he can without any results.
much unhealthier for him to strain to eliminate
than it is to take a laxative. He can use
whichever one he wants. MiraLAX is a reliable
one. Mineral oil is not great idea. If the oil
goes down the wrong way and enters the lungs, it
can cause big trouble. Once the laxative has
restored normal movements, your husband ought to
stay on his high-fiber diet. Fiber doesnt
always end constipation, but it does keep one
a morning routine often works. Feeding a baby
calls for a diaper change shortly thereafter. The
brain sends a signal to the infants colon
to empty. The same reflex works in adults, but we
have dulled it deliberately. It can be restored
by drinking a caffeinated beverage for breakfast
and then taking a walk after eating.
your husband try this homemade remedy: Mix 2 cups
of bran (obtained at a health-food store) with 2
cups of applesauce and 1 cup of prune juice,
sweetened or unsweetened. Refrigerate the mix.
Your husband can take up to three tablespoons
twice a day. He should start with a smaller dose.
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