| today's
laugh Martha Stewart’s
Rules for Rednecks
GENERAL
1. Never take a beer to a job
interview.
2. Always identify people in your yard
before shooting at them.
3. It’s considered tacky to take a
cooler to church.
4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it is
time to change the sheets.
5. Even if you’re certain that you
are included in the will, it is still considered tacky to
drive a U-Haul to the funeral home.
ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME
1. A centerpiece for the table should
never be anything prepared by a taxidermist.
2. Do not allow the dog to eat at the
table...no matter how good his manners are.
PERSONAL HYGIENE
1. While ears need to be cleaned
regularly, this is a job that should be done in private
using one’s OWN truck keys.
1911
INTERESTING MELANGE.
A Chronological Record of Events as they have
Transpired in the City and County since our last Issue.
Did Well in a Ten
Mile Race.
Arthur Alexander of this city, was
quite successful in the ten mile road race at Joplin
yesterday. There were twenty-nine entries and he had a
three-minute handicap. He won fourth place and third time
and thereby captured a pair of bicycle tires, a 20th
century bicycle lamp, a pair of patent leather shoes and
a two-pound box of Whitman’s candies.
The race was won in 29 minutes and ten
seconds. Fen Clark of this city, was one of those who
entered, but he fell after riding about three and
one-half miles and so dropped out.
The Sons of Veterans will give a
strawberry and ice cream festival in the Parkell building
on the east side of the square Saturday night.
A fine baby boy arrived this morning at
the home of councilman Guy Wells.
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Today's Feature Stones Throw
"On Golden Pond".
Stone’s Throw Dinner
Theatre has announced its upcoming performance of
On Golden Pond written by Ernest Thompson
and directed by Raven Micale. The cast for this
show includes: Tom Brown as Norman, Betsy
Fleischaker as Ethel, Kendra Goepfert as Chelsea,
Mike Smith as Bill, Kyle Bridges as Charlie,
Michael Rivera as Billy, Operator Hannah
Marsh/Raven Micale
Performances will be held at
Stone’s Throw Dinner Theatre, 796 South
Stone Lane, Carthage, MO on September 15, 16, 17
& September 23, 24, 25, 2011.
For dinner shows:
Thursday-Saturday doors open at 6:00 pm, dinner
at 6:30 pm and show begins at 7:30 pm. Sunday
performances, doors open at 12:30pm, dinner at
1:00pm with show beginning at 2:00pm.
Prices are $22.00 for adults,
$19.00 for seniors over 55, $19.00 for youth
(13-18), $10.00 for children (6-12), $19.00 for
Students with ID, Children 5 and under are free.
Opening night, Veterans with ID - $15.00.
Groups of 10 or more should
call the theatre for prices. Reservations can be
made by calling the theatre at 417-358-9665.
Jasper
County Jail Count
193August 30,
2011
Total
Including Placed out of County
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Just Jake
Talkin'
Mornin',
I don’t take the time
ta remind folks very often, but take a minute
outa your busy day ta thank those who allow
us ta put the Mornin’ Mail out on their
counters. I am reminded to remind ya because
I just realized that we will be startin’
on our seventh year of existence as the
"small, town newspaper" next week.
Along with our loyal
sponsors, the folks that give us some room in
their businesses make this operation work.
‘Course you, the readers are big part of
the setup too. What really makes things click
though is if the readers show their
appreciation ever’ now and then for
those who make the distribution of this paper
possible.
If ya enjoy your daily dose
of the unique information available about
Carthage, let our sponsors and distribution
establishments know it. Thanks.
This is some fact, but
mostly,
Just Jake Talkin’.
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| Sponsored by
Carthage Printing |
Weekly
Column
HERE’S A TIP
By
JoAnn Derson
• To fix a hole in drywall
that requires a healthy helping of joint
compound, cut a piece of screen slightly bigger
than the hole and tack it to the inside of the
drywall. You also can wad up a piece of aluminum
foil and shove it in the hole, pressing it in a
bit to create a recess for the compound. The foil
will keep the compound at the site of the hole,
allowing it to set up instead of fall down.
• "I recently did a
little work on my car, and afterward I washed and
waxed it. My tools got pretty grimy, so I cleaned
them too. Since I had the wax out, I used it on
several of them to keep them from rusting in
storage." -- A Reader, via email
• Add a fabric-softener
sheet to your vacuum bag when you change it.
While you clean, you will distribute the good
smell throughout your home. You also can use a
cotton ball scented with your favorite essential
oil or even perfume.
• If you have trouble
threading needles, try spritzing some hairspray
on your finger, and twist the end of the thread.
It will keep the fibers together and stiffen it
enough to be easily threaded.
• It’s still possible
to save a bit of money on car maintenance if you
can’t change your own oil. Learn common
add-ons that you will be offered at oil-and-lube
places. Air filters are surprisingly easy to
replace on your own, and so are windshield
wipers. Very often, the staff of auto-supply
chains will lend you tools or even assist you
right in the parking lot.
• Got bug bites? Try these
for some relief from the itching of insect bites:
apple-cider vinegar; a paste of baking soda and
water, allowed to dry on the bite; a similar
paste of meat tenderizer and water; or
antiperspirant.
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Publishing. All rights reserved.
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