Its a terribly hard job to spend a billion
dollars and get your moneys worth.
The minister was called in for the
reading of the will of a wealthy businessman who had
passed away. He and the many relatives were disappointed
to hear the contents. . "Being of sound mind and
body, I spent it all."
What would it take to make your Mom
1. On the inside shes already
perfect. Outside, I think some kind of plastic surgery.
2. Diet. You know, her hair. Id
diet, maybe blue.
When old Seth Abernathy celebrated his
hundredth birthday, a reporter said to him, "Pop,
Ill bet youve seen plenty of changes around
"Yep," agreed Seth. "And
Ive been against every durn one of them."
A Chronological Record of Events as they have
Transpired in the City and County since our last Issue.
A Hungry Burglar.
Yesterday while the family of H.H.
Paulding, living four miles northeast of this city, were
all away from home attending church, a thief entered the
house through a window and took a pair of new shoes, some
bread, two pounds of butter, a stomach full of milk,
jelly, and pickles.
The suit of Wm. Stagg, of Prosperity,
for $1,000 in damages against the city of Carthage for
injuries received in falling into a sewer on Garrison
Avenue, is now occupying the attention of the court.
N.E. Bolle was given a judgement for $1
against Aaron Myers.
Chas Summers pleaded guilty to an
indictment for petit larceny and was sentenced to three
years in the penitentiary.
State Will Pay
Remaining Clean-up Costs.
Politicmo - Gov. Jay
Nixon visited Joplin Monday to announce the state
intends to cover the remaining expedited debris
removal costs, both state and local costs, not
covered by the federal governments 90
A major factor in the decision,
he said, was that the state and local tax bases
were disrupted as a result of the storm. Ahead of
the September special session of the state
legislature, Nixon has asked the Missouri Dept.
of Revenue and the Missouri State Tax admission
to work with the county to review the impact on
"With thousands of homes
and hundreds of businesses destroyed on May 22,
its important to know the scope and impact
of lost revenue on providing those vital
services," he said.
Since May 22, the the Army
Corps of Enginners and local contractors have
removed nearly 1.13 million cubic yards of debris
some 91 percent. Nixon said he hopes FEMA
extends their deadline two weeks past August 2 in
order to cover the entire debris removal process.
County Jail Count
172 August 3,
Including Placed out of County
NASCAR THIS WEEK
Fate Turns on
What a difference a year makes.
A victory in the 2010 Brickyard
400 was quite an accomplishment in itself for
Jamie McMurray. Except that he also won the
Daytona 500, not to mention the Bank of America
500 at Charlotte.
Yet, in spite of victories in
NASCARs two most prestigious races,
McMurray, 35, failed to make the Chase for the
Sprint Cup. Though the Joplin, Mo., native has
won six Sprint Cup races in his career, he has
never finished a season in the top 10 of the
This year, to date, has been a
disaster. McMurrays numbers arent
just disappointing. They are ruinous. He is 29th
in the point standings, with only two top-10
finishes and none in the top five. He still
drives the No. 1 Chevy of Earnhardt Ganassi
Racing with Felix Sabates. The difference, for
McMurray and crew chief Kevin "Bono"
Manion, is that McMurrays Impala
hasnt been fast nearly as often.
"There is certainly
nothing wrong with our cars," said McMurray.
"We just havent hit on it. New tires
have thrown us off at a lot of tracks ... and
man, weve just really struggled."
McMurray has a knack for
Indianapolis Motor Speedway, though. His first
Brickyard 400, in 2003, yielded a third-place
finish. Hes finished seventh or better four
A year ago, McMurray led only
16 of the 160 laps, most notably the final 11, to
outduel another perennial Indy contender, Kevin
"Im running the last
10 laps of this race and just praying every lap
there isnt going to be a caution (period)
and that my car was going to have to grip it
needed," said McMurray afterward.
"Its remarkable to be put in this
position, and honestly, Im in shock right
now. ... Man, when its your day, its
"Im a big believer
in fate, and this was just meant to be."
Fate has largely turned on him
during the current season. Perhaps McMurray is
due for a rally in the second half of the season.
As fast as todays
drip pots are, the first pot a coffee never
gets done fast enough. I am typically
standin with cup in hand waitin
for the drip process (although I would argue
that a perked cup tastes better) to run its
I wait till the drip
ceases, remove the pot to pour a cup, and the
maker spews a last shot of coffee all over
Sometimes I get the
feelin that there is some
semi-intelligent, aggravating munchkin
livin inside my coffee machine,
patiently watchin for me to remove the
pot just long enough for that last spurt of
There are reasonable
solutions to this almost daily confrontation
Im sure. But the use of large hammers
and other implements of destruction in the
kitchen is frowned upon in my household.
This is some fact, but
Just Jake Talkin.
I need to know if Im
being a jerk. Every day, I use a left exit ramp
on the highway that starts out one lane wide. A
second lane begins on the right -- it brings no
new traffic; it begins at a barrier. At the end
of the ramp, about 100 yards on, the road narrows
again to one lane, and theres a
"merge" sign. So most drivers stay in
the left lane, even after the new right lane
But a few aggressive drivers
move into the right lane as soon as it begins,
zoom ahead of 20 or 30 cars. OK, this bothers me
-- people are cutting in line.
So here is what I do: I move
into the new right lane, but I creep along and DO
NOT pass anyone. There is empty pavement ahead of
me, but I stay even with the car next to me, in
the left lane. People who do not try to game the
system benefit from my action. People who try to
pass 20 or 30 cars using the temporary extra lane
So here is the conundrum: Am I
a jerk for slowing down the folks taking
advantage of the temporary right lane? -- Jake
TOM: Youve taken the law
into your own hands, and have decided to pin a
homemade badge on your chest.
RAY: While obnoxious, its
also not clear that what these impatient drivers
are doing is necessarily illegal. Im
guessing that the reason for the additional
(right) lane is to make sure theres plenty
of capacity on the ramp so that exiting cars
dont back up onto the highway.
TOM: Now, if theyre
exceeding the speed limit or passing on the right
where its not permitted, well, thats
an issue for the police, Jake.
RAY: As much as it annoys you
-- were sympathetic; aggressive drivers can
be annoying -we suggest that you take a deep
breath and relax, and let karma take its course.
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Publishing. All rights reserved.