The Mornin' Mail is published every weekday except major holidays
Thursday, December 8, 2011 Volume XX, Number 123

did ya know?.

Did Ya Know?...The Nazarene Church at 2000 Grand will host an American Red Cross blood drive on Thursday, Ded. 15 from 11:30 a.m. until 6 p.m. Donors will receive a Red Cross t-shirt.

Did Ya Know?...Singles Reaching Out (West) will hold a Christmas party and gift exchange ($7 suggested) on Fri., Dec. 9 at 6:30 p.m. in Ulmers Community room, 1208 S. Garrison. Meat will be provided. Info - 359-6062 or 388-3038.

today's laugh

These Police Comments are from police car videos around the country...

"Relax; the handcuffs are tight because they’re new. They’ll stretch out after you wear them awhile."

"Take your hands off the car, and I’ll make your birth certificate a worthless document."

"If you run, you’ll only go to jail tired."

"So you don’t know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?"sir?"

"Warning? You want a warning? O.K., I’m warning you not to do that again or I’ll give you another ticket."

"Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."

"No, sir, we don’t have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas, but now we’re allowed to write as many tickets as we want."


A Chronological Record of Events as they have Transpired in the City and County since our last Issue.

Delayed the Fire Alarm.

Parties calling the fire department out to the blaze this morning caused more or less delay by calling for "No. 49" instead of telling telephone central that there was a fire.

The quickest way to get the fire department is to ‘phone central and let the hello girl do the rest.

Give three short, sharp rings when turning in a fire alarm by telephone.

Gen. Gordon Arrived This Morning.

Gen. Gordon, who lectures at the Grand tonight, arrived this morning from Springfield, where he spoke last night. He was met by W. E. Hall and Dr. Knight.

The latter entertained him at the college today and Mr. Hall will entertain him at his Garrison avenue home tonight.

  Today's Feature

Deputy Delivers.

On December 7th, 2011 at 1:13 a.m., a Jasper County Deputy responded to 4416 N. Center Lane in Webb City, in reference to a 22 year old female going into labor.

Upon arrival, the Deputy grabbed a pair of surgical gloves and made contact with the female. She was lying on her bed saying she thought the baby was coming. When the Deputy examined her, he could see the baby was "crowning" and advised her to push. After a few pushes, a baby boy was born. The mother and child both appeared to be in good health.

Shortly after the birth, METS arrived and transferred them to Freeman Hospital.



The Carthage Humane Society will hold their first annual howliday open house Saturday, December 17 from 11:00 to 5:00

They invite the community to come see improvements made to the shelter, meet the staff and board members and, most importantly meet some of the animals that are available for adoption.

Light refreshments will be served. Leashed and vaccinated dogs are welcome.

Jasper County Jail Count

167 December 7, 2011

Total Including Placed out of County

Just Jake Talkin'

I can remember always seein’ a box of matches in my grandparents bathroom. Bein’ there was a little gas stove for knockin’ off the chill, as a kid I just figured they were kept there for the purpose of lightin’ it up on a cool mornin’.

At some young age, I can still remember the embarrassed laugh when I mentioned the matches to my mom. She explained that although lightin’ the stove was a handy function of the phosphor tipped sticks, their more typical purpose was to eliminate the telltale evidence of a visit to the throne.

‘Course at that time there wasn’t a "plug-it-in-plug-it-in" or were my grandparents interested in a storebought air freshener (the bottle of green fluid with a wick pulled up). From time to time I find myself reminded of that box of matches.

This is some fact, but mostly,

Just Jake Talkin’.

Sponsored by Metcalf Auto Supply

Weekly Column



My "check engine" light illuminated a few weeks after a Jiffy Lube oil change. I took my 2008 Subaru Impreza in to the dealer, and they pulled a shop rag out of my car (it was blocking two-thirds of the air intake). Upon request, Jiffy Lube agreed to pay for the dealer’s services (I am still awaiting reimbursement). Several weeks later, both my air/fuel sensor and my mass air sensor failed prematurely. The dealer agreed that these are related to the rag, and helped me draft a letter to Jiffy Lube requesting full reimbursement for $750. Is there anything else I can or should do? Lily

TOM: Well, unfortunately, these things do happen, Lily. I’ve left rags in some unusual places myself.

RAY: The most embarrassing places are the ones where his wife ends up finding them!

TOM: Usually a rag left in the air-filter housing won’t do any damage. But I’m guessing that in your case, it ended up getting sucked into the air intake and substantially blocking it. That caused your engine to run rich (i.e., too much fuel).

RAY: And that would instantly cause the sensors to start working to correct the situation. My guess is that the sensors got overworked and overheated, and that’s what caused them to fail, turning on the check-engine light.

TOM: So what else might fail? Well, if the sensors were unable to keep up, and the car was allowed to run rich for an extended period of time, the catalytic converters might be damaged.

RAY: But they certainly should reimburse you for the sensors. And you are well within your rights never to patronize that particular Jiffy Lube again.

Copyright 2011, Heritage Publishing. All rights reserved.