Pilot: Control tower, what time is it?
Control tower: What airline is this?
Pilot: What difference does that make?
Control tower: Well if it is UA, it is
6:00p.m.; if it is TWA, it is 1800 hours; if it is Ozark,
the big hand is on the
A man went to the airline counter. The
ticket agent asked, "Sir, do you have
reservations?" He replied, "Reservations? Of
course I have reservations, but Im flying
Teacher to a student: "Can you
think of a solution to end unemployment?"
"Yes, sir! Id put all the
men on one island and the women on another."
"And what would they be doing
On the way to lunch, a teacher spotted
two boys playfully fighting. She asked one of the boys to
go to the back of the line and he came back right
after." Why arent you at the end of the
line?" asked the teacher. The boy replied," I
couldnt, someone was already there."
Mrs. Smith, I aint got no
Young man, you mean, I dont have
You dont have any crayons. We
dont have any crayons.
They dont have any crayons.
Do you see what Im getting at?
I think so. What happened to all the
I dont wan to alarm you, Miss
Davis, but my dad said if I didnt get better marks,
someone was going to get a licking.
A Chronological Record of Events as they have
Transpired in the City and County since our last Issue.
NEW LIGHT GUARD
Plans for "Non-Com" School,
Cannon and Flag.
The Light Guard, after a rousing drill
last night, elected Lieut. John Henkel civil president to
succeed Corporal Alexander, resigned.
A "non-com" school was
organized, by which the non-commissioned officers are to
meet Wednesday night to study the tactics theoretically,
preparatory for practice at Friday drills.
Capt. Hiatt, Lieut. Gilbreath, Lieut.
Henkel, Sergts. Woodford, Ross and Howell, Corporals
Givens and Hall and Privates Twitchell, Bradford and
Farrer (first) were made a committee to frame new
Committees were also appointed to
secure a cannon and a flag for the Carthage company if
possible. White duck trousers were ordered for the
company this summer.
May Affect Jasper County.
The budget proposal submitted
to Congress by President Obama plans to cut many
domestic programs including Community Services
Block Grant funding by 50 percent in 2012, from
$700 million to $350 million.
"President Obama sent a
message during his State of the Union address
that a freeze on domestic spending would occur in
order to reduce the deficit, and Community Action
Agencies stood ready to do their part by reducing
their spending and finding ways to help weather
the economy with fewer resources," said
Elaine West, executive director of the Missouri
Association for Community Action (MACA).
"However, no one anticipated that Community
Actions core funding, the Community
Services Block Grant, would be cut in half for
next year and even dramatically reduced for the
remainder of the current budget year."
According to West, last year,
Missouri received $17,412,276 from the federal
Community Services Block Grant program, which
allowed local Community Action Agencies to
leverage private sector resources of $23,047,586.
West says Missouris 19
Community Action Agencies, which have offices in
every county and the city of St. Louis, use the
funding to help people train for and get jobs,
support business expansion, promote education,
provide preventive health care and serve
low-income senior citizens.
Projects include the Bright
Futures initiative in Joplin developed by
Economic Security Corporation of Southwest Area
to reduce the 20 percent high school dropout rate
through a partnership with businesses, elected
officials, the faith-based community and
educators. --A community garden in Trenton,
organized by the Green Hills Community Action
Agency, to feed 500 families and teach skills in
growing and preserving food.--A local resource
center in Richland, where Missouri Ozarks
Community Action, Inc. provides classes in life
skills, GED, job readiness and resume building,
as well as a computer lab for online job search.
As a kid the idea was that
there was value in havin character.
Course character is built as we all
know. Ever time ya didnt get to
do somethin ya wanted, it created one
more buildin block of character.
Birthdays and Christmas
always contributed to the construction.
Didnt get that special toy, build a
little more character.
Have ta mow the lawn while
the kids across the street were playin
ball? Another contribution. Im
thinkin its probly a good
idea to accumulate all the character ya can,
if for no other reason than to help offset
those occasional flaws that seem to linger
I suppose the greatest
value of gatherin a little character is
the fact that you might recognize it in
others. Its hard to define, but ya know
it when ya see it.
This is some fact, but
Just Jake Talkin.
HERES A TIP
To clean artificial
flowers, place the arrangement flowers first into
a paper bag. Add a cup of salt and gather the
opening of the bag around the stems of the
flowers. Twist closed and hold tightly at the
stems. Shake the arrangement vigorously. The salt
beats the dust off the flowers. Hold the bag
upside down for a second and shake lightly to
make sure all the salt granules fall off into the
bag, and then remove the arrangement.
Ink stains can sometimes
be removed from clothing or furniture upholstery
by using rubbing alcohol or hairspray. Using a
clean paper towel or white cloth, spray the ink,
and immediately dab and press several times.
Repeat using a clean portion of the cloth until
the stain is removed.
"I purchase large
pieces of cheese from my bulk retailer. I keep it
fresh and mold-free by wrapping it in cheesecloth
that I have sprayed with plain white
vinegar." -- E.C. in Indiana
"I use an old
hairbrush to remove the lint from the trap on my
dryer. My hands and my grip arent what they
used to be, and sometimes it would be hard to get
the lint started. The brush is easy to use, and I
just swipe it over the screen and knock the lint
off into a small trash can." -- A.L. in
"I purchased a
car-washing kit several years ago, and forgot
about it. I have gotten rid of my car, and
didnt have any use for it. I removed the
washing mitt before I gave it away, and I found
an excellent use for it -- as a dusting mitt. It
has a texture that picks up dust and holds it,
and to me, its worth the price of the kit
itself." -- V.H. in Texas
Copyright 2011, Heritage
Publishing. All rights reserved.