| today's
laugh A seaman meets a pirate in a bar, and they take
turns to tell their adventures on the seas. The seaman
notes that the pirate has a peg leg, hook, and an eye
patch. Curious, the seaman asks "So, how did you end
up with the peg-leg?"
The pirate replies "I was swept
overboard into a school of sharks. Just as my men were
pulling me out, a shark bit my leg off".
"Wow!" said the seaman.
"What about the hook"?
"Well...", replied the
pirate, "We were boarding an enemy ship and were
battling the other sailors with swords. One of the enemy
cut my hand clean off."
"Incredible!" remarked the
seaman. "How did you get the eye patch"?
"A seagull dropping fell into my
eye", replied the pirate.
"You lost your eye to a seagull
dropping?" the sailor asked.
"Well..." said the pirate,
"That was my first day with the hook."
A grizzled old man was eating in a
truck stop when three very large, leathered bikers walked
in. The first walked up to the old man, pushed his
cigarette into the old man’s pie and then took a
seat at the counter. The second walked up to the old man,
spat into the old man’s milk and then he too took a
seat at the counter. The third walked up to the old man,
turned over the old man’s plate, and then he took a
seat at the counter.
Without a word of protest, the old man
quietly left the diner. Shortly thereafter, one of the
bikers said to the waitress, "Humph, not much of a
man, was he?"
The waitress replied, "Not much of
a truck driver either, he just backed his big-rig over
three motorcycles."
"I wish I knew where I was going
to die," Paul says.
"Why?" asks Tom
"Because if I knew I would not go
there "Paul replied.
1911
INTERESTING MELANGE.
A Chronological Record of Events as they have
Transpired in the City and County since our last Issue.
LIGHT PLANT FLOODED
OUT.
The first dire results of the big flood
were felt last night about 9 o’clock, when the
electric light plant was compelled to shut down, and the
city streets and business houses, hotels and halls were
in darkness during the blackest night.
Paradoxical as it may seem, too much
water on the outside made it impossible for the light
plant boilers to get enough water inside. The flood
washed a bank of mud and debris up over the check valves
where the boilers take water from the pond, and choked it
completely up. Then the plant had to quit business.
Supt. Ford worked till midnight and
today had a force of eleven men all day long at work
undoing the mischief. The pipes are still flooded and it
is necessary to work under a foot or two of water. This
makes progress slow, but Supt. Ford hopes to be able to
fire up his boilers by dusk this evening.
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Today's Feature From the
Minutes:
Public Works
Committee.
"Public Works Director
Carney reported on the February 1st and February
8th snow storms. The Street Department had 122
3/4 man hours of overtime. Approximately (40)
tons of salt and (38) truckloads of cinders were
used. The 2002 Chevrolet dump truck sustained
damage to the frame due to the snow plow hitting
a box culvert on Forest Street, just south of
Macon. Various curb and gutters were damaged
while snow plowing. Mr. Carney stated that
considering the large amount of snow and the
equipment break downs, everyone worked very hard
together to get all the streets plowed.
"Mr. Carney thanked the
Fire Department for providing hot meals to City
employees during the snow storms.
"Mr. Carney also extended
his appreciation to Tim Coburn with Jackson Tire,
Metcalf Auto Supply and Pipe Systems inc., for
assisting the Street Department with repairs on
such short notice."
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Just Jake
Talkin'
Mornin',
I was sortin’ through
over the weekend and happened to find the
four or five Ted Williams baseball cards that
remain from my childhood collection.
At one time I had close to
all of the Williams cards. That is until a
former relative saw that ad offerin’ to
buy baseball cards. I got home from work one
day and was gleefully presented with a ten
dollar bill. I was supposed ta be happy that
the guy paid a nickel a card for my
collection.
I hadn’t thought of
that situation for several years. I
don’t know how these remainin’
cards escaped the sell-off, but I almost wish
they had gone the way of the rest. They now
just act as a reminder.
No, they ain’t for
sale for a nickel. They prob’ly
aren’t worth a lot, but they do have
some pleasant memories attached.
This is some fact, but
mostly,
Just Jake Talkin’.
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Weekly
Columns
THIS IS A HAMMER
By Samantha Mazzotta
Safety From Gas
Leaks
DEAR HAMMER: I wanted to relate
a story that your readers might find helpful.
Last month, in the middle of the night, I woke up
to the very strong smell of gas throughout my
house. I immediately got everyone up and told
them to get out of the house. All the burner
controls on my kitchen stove appeared to be in
the off position. I didn’t try to turn off
the gas at the meter because it is located in my
basement and the gas odor was so strong I was
worried about an explosion.
Instead, my family and I went
to the neighbor’s house across the street,
woke them up and called the fire department from
there. They got there quickly and shut off the
gas supply. The culprit was a faulty joint in a
gas supply pipe just past the meter, which was
quickly repaired the next day by a specialist who
also checked out the entire system.
Please tell your readers to
have an emergency plan ready in case they have to
quickly evacuate the house, and make sure your
kids, even the youngest ones, know it. I’m
really proud of my wife and kids, who got up with
hardly any questions and got out of the house
with just their pajamas and slippers on during a
cold night. But I’m still going over the
incident in my head to think of ways to get out
safely, or even better, to prevent this situation
from happening again. Hopefully my experience can
help others. -- James G., Amherst, Mass.
DEAR JAMES: Thanks so much for
relating your experience! I’m glad everyone
was OK. This is a way of sounding a wake-up call
to readers who haven’t thought much lately
about home safety. An evacuation plan is a must,
as is regularly checking carbon monoxide and
smoke detectors to make sure they’re working
properly, keeping fire extinguishers within easy
reach near areas of open flame (like the stove or
fireplace) and educating your kids about safety
in and around the home.
HOME TIP: Know the location of
your home’s gas meter, the main
water-shutoff valve and the electrical circuit
box so they can be quickly accessed by you or
emergency personnel.
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Copyright 2011, Heritage
Publishing. All rights reserved.
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