The Mornin' Mail is published every weekday except major holidays
Thursday, January 13, 2011 Volume XIX, Number 141

did ya know?.

Did Ya Know?...Computer classes at the Family Literacy Center at 706 Orchard St. beginning on Wed. Jan. 12 at 10:00 a.m. There is no charge for these classes.

today's laugh

Couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things. During a checkup, the doctor tells them that they’re physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember

Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair. ‘Want anything while I’m in the kitchen?’ he asks.

‘Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?’


‘Don’t you think you should write it down so you can remember it?’ she asks.

‘No, I can remember it.’

‘Well, I’d like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write it down, so not to forget it?’

He says, ‘I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries.’

‘I’d also like whipped cream. I’m certain you’ll forget that, write it down?’ she asks.

Irritated, he says, ‘I don’t need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake!’

Then he toddles into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes, The old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs.. She stares at the plate for a moment.

‘Where’s my toast ?’


Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical.

A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.

A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, ‘You’re really doing great, aren’t you?’

Morris replied, ‘Just doing what you said, Doc: ‘Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.’’

The doctor said, ‘I didn’t say that.. I said, ‘You’ve got a heart murmur; be careful."


A Chronological Record of Events as they have Transpired in the City and County since our last Issue.

Carpenter’s Finger Mashed.

J. F. Wheeler has the end of a finger badly mashed by a falling scantling while at work on the Wells & Wiggins annex Saturday evening. He is off duty today.

"There is only one chance to save your life and that is through an operation," were the startling words heard by Mrs. I. B. Hunt of Lime Ridge, Wis., from her doctor, after he had vainly tried to cure her of a frightful case of Stomach Trouble and yellow jaundice. Gall stones had formed and she constantly grew worse. Then she began to use Electric Bitters, which wholly cured her. It’s a wonderful Stomach, Liver and Kidney remedy. Cures Dyspepsis, Loss of Appetite. Only 50 cents. Guaranteed. For sale by A. H. Caffee & Co.

Amos Johnson of Minnesota is here for a visit with his sister Mrs. Margaret Platt.

  Today's Feature

Chamber Annual Banquet.

The Carthage Chamber of Commerce 2011 Annual Banquet, to be held on Friday, January 21st in n Carthage Memorial Hall. will feature the theme of an island experience for their members. A social hour featuring the Carthage High School Jazz Band will begin at 6 p.m., followed by dinner catered by B&C Catering, and the awards ceremony at 7 p.m. Sponsorships are available to members to help raise funds to underwrite the event, and the other programs and services of the Chamber.

Awards will be presented for:

Outgoing Chamber Board


Artist Award

Golden Key Awards

Spotlight Award

Small Business of the Year Award

Richard M. Webster Citizen of the Year Award

Members who wish to register for the 2011 Annual Banquet should contact Mary Jo or for further information about the Carthage Chamber or upcoming Chamber events, contact the Chamber office at 358-2373.

Just Jake Talkin'

My grandad had onea those hearin’ aids that he carried in his pocket. A wire ran up and hung from his ear.

The theory in the family was that when he didn’t wanna listen he just shut the thing off. At least that was what grandma used ta think.

Like most advances in technology, grandad found a higher use, that was not usin’ the technology except as a decoy.

The "computer is down" excuse always brings the question of whether there is a technology problem or if there is actually a more human default.

Cell phones are becomin’ a handy excuse for not talkin’ to someone. If ya don’t want to be bothered, ya turn the thing off. I’m guessin’ Grandad woulda had onea those too.

This is some fact, but mostly,

Just Jake Talkin’.

Sponsored by Carthage Printing

Weekly Columns



Dear Tom and Ray:

Last summer, I was commuting home from work on the highway, and my 1998 Nissan Maxima started to overheat. The temperature outside was 90+. The engine started heaving, so I had to pull off the interstate and sit for a while, waiting for the engine to cool. Incredibly, right next to where I stopped, I found a 40-ounce bottle of Schlitz Malt Liquor, unopened. My inclination was to pour the beer into the radiator; however , my 19-year-old son advised against it, thinking it might damage the cooling system. I called my 24-year-old son, who also thought I was crazy. I took their advice, but still thought it would be OK. What do you think? - Bob

Ray: I think it would have been OK in a dire emergency, Bob. If you had been stuck in Death Valley, with the sun beating down on you and the coyotes circling, sure. You just pour it and hope for the best.

Tom: It’s mostly water. It’s got a little bit of alcohol in it, which used to be used as antifreeze. But the hops and barley and molasses and day-old soup, or whatever else they put in there, probably won’t do your cooling system any good. And it would have to be drained out once you got back to civilization.

Ray: Plus, when the engine’s overheating, you can’t even remove the radiator cap until it cools down.

Tom: And if you’re going to have to sit there for an hour anyway, you might as well drink the Schlitz, wait for the tow truck to bring you some real coolant.

Ray: And by the way, Bob, I hope you realize how rare it is that "19- and 24-year-old boys," "40-ounce malt liquor" and "wise decision" end up in the same sentence.

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