The Mornin' Mail is published every weekday except major holidays
Wednesday, January 24, 2011 Volume XIX, Number 150

did ya know?.

Did Ya Know?...Computer classes at the Family Literacy Center at 706 Orchard St. began on Wed. Jan. 12 at 10:00 a.m. There is no charge for these classes.

today's laugh

Answering the phone, the priest was surprised to hear the caller introduce herself as an IRS auditor.

"But we do not pay taxes," the priest said. "It isn’t you, Father, it’s one of your parishioner, Sean McCullough. He indicates on his tax return that he gave a donation of

$15,000 to the church last year. Is this, in fact, the truth?"

The priest smiled broadly. "The check hasn’t arrived yet, but I’m sure I’ll have it when I remind dear Sean."


Columbus Day always reminds me of the brave exploration party Columbus assembled in 1492, with all four ships sailing off into the unknown. You remember the names of his four ships: The Nina, the Pinta, the Santa Maria and the Clyde. You don’t hear too much about the Clyde anymore, since that’s the one that sailed over the edge.


So one day, Gramma sent her grandson Johnny down to the water hole to get some water for cooking dinner. As he was dipping the bucket in, he saw two big eyes looking back at him. He dropped the bucket and hightailed it for Gramma’s kitchen. "Well now, where’s my bucket and where’s my water?" Gramma asked him. "I can’t get any water from that water hole, Gramma" exclaimed Johnny. "There’s a BIG ol’ alligator down there!"

"Now don’t you mind that ol’ alligator, Johnny. He’s been there for a few years now, and he’s never hurt no one. Why, he’s probably as scared of you as you are of him!" "Well, Gramma," replied Johnny, "if he’s as scared of me as I am of him, then that water ain’t fit to drink!"


Dolphins are so intelligent that within a few weeks of captivity they can train a man to stand on the edge of their pool and throw them fish three times a day.


A Chronological Record of Events as they have Transpired in the City and County since our last Issue.


Three Young Adventurers Caught by Carthage Police.

Three boys yesterday decided that the quiet duties of farm life were not suited to them. Their ambition called for something more exciting, more soaring. Their names are Lee Alsip, Claud Tourney and Artie Thomas, and they live about three miles north of town.

They bade farewell to their younger friends yesterday afternoon and told them that they were going to see the world.

Last night the Carthage police received word about the young runaways and were instructed to lock them up if found. The police kept a sharp lookout and last night about seven o’clock the boys strolled in from Center Creek, but before they had time to see much of the city they were behind the bars of the city jail, awaiting the arrival of their fathers.

Messrs Tourney and Alsip came and took their sons home last night, but young Thomas spend the night viewing the world from behind the calaboose bars.

The boys were about 12 or 14 years old and were armed to the teeth as the officers found out this morning. When they were locked up last night they gave their pistols to the man that has charge of the jail. These weapons included a Smith & Wesson 32 bore pistol. The plunger, however, was too short to reach the caps and the boys exercised their mechanical genius by fastening a wire nail onto the hammer in such a manner that it did the work of the broken plunger. The other gun was a very old and rusty 22 caliber, seven-shooter. The ammunition they carried included a box containing fifty 22 shots, and about half a dozen 32 cartridges.

  Today's Feature

Jasper County Woman Pleads Guilty

in Medicaid Fraud Case.

Attorney General Chris Koster announced Dana Opfer, a Jasper County audiologist, pled guilty to three felony counts of Medicaid fraud following an investigation by the Medicaid Fraud Control Unit of the Missouri Attorney General’s office. The case was prosecuted jointly by the Missouri Attorney General’s office and Jasper County Prosecuting Attorney Dean Dankelson. The guilty pleas were entered before Judge Gayle Crane in Jasper County.

Koster said his Medicaid Fraud Unit’s review of Opfer’s subpoenaed records and Medicaid claims found evidence of billing for services and hearing devices that were not provided. He said Opfer fraudulently billed more than $12,000 to Medicaid.

Opfer will be sentenced on March 14. She faces up to 7 years in prison for each violation, plus penalties and restitution.

Koster encouraged citizens to report suspected Medicaid provider fraud or abuse and neglect to his Medicaid Fraud Hotline toll free at 800-286-3932 or e-mail the complaint to

Just Jake Talkin'

If you’re plannin’ on burnin’ that pile a sticks in the yard, you might wanna make sure there aren’t any logs in there somewhere.

The State Department of Natural Resources (DNR) has rules about burnin’, but nobody seems ta be able to explain exactly what constitutes an illegal fire.

Representatives of the met with a DNR representative a few years back to get a better idea of how exactly to interpret the regulations. There doesn’t seem to be a clear distinction between a twig and a stick, or a stick and a log. Ever’one seems to agree you can burn leafs, and prob’ly twigs, but not hay bales. Sticks may be ok, but logs may be takin’ it too far. Unless of course your havin’ a winner roast, or some type a ceremony, then logs are ok too. Maybe best ta check.

This is some fact, but mostly,

Just Jake Talkin’.


Sponsored by Carthage Printing

Weekly Columns


By JoAnn Derson

• If you want less rise in your cake, try using eggs straight from the refrigerator. This is especially good for sheet cakes that will be cut to stack.

• Lay a salmon filet across the back of an overturned bowl. It will reveal any bones, because they pop up. Then you can remove the bones with a pair of tweezers.

• "I love bakery baguettes for bread, but it goes hard before I can use it all. Now, when it is too hard to use, I chop it up and toss it in the food processor to make fresh breadcrumbs. I have a large, freezer-safe, zipper bag in the freezer to keep them in. Now I enjoy bakery bread guilt-free!" -- E.D. in Oregon

• Give tough meat cuts a cold one: That is, marinate them in beer. Add a can of beer to a high-sided pan, then lay your meat cuts in it and let them sit for 15 minutes on each side.

• When rolling meatballs, give both hands a quick shot of cooking spray before you get started. The ground meat does not stick so much, and it’s easier to get uniform sizes and shapes.

Copyright 2011, Heritage Publishing. All rights reserved.