The Mornin' Mail is published every weekday except major holidays
Wednesday, January 5, 2011 Volume XIX, Number 136

did ya know?.

Did Ya Know?...The Carthage Business Women of Missouri have Black Walnuts and Pecans for $9 a pound. Sales supports a Scholarship Program. 358-3505

today's laugh

An old man walks into a bar, sits down, and starts crying.

The bartender asks, "What’s wrong?" The old man looks at the bartender through

Teary eyes and between sobs says, "I married a beautiful woman two days ago. She’s a natural blonde, twenty-five, intelligent, a marvelous cook, a meticulous housekeeper,

Extremely sensitive to my wants and needs, very giving, my best friend, and intensely passionate in bed."

The bartender stares at the old man for a brief moment and says, "But that sounds great! You have what every man wants in a woman, so why are crying?"

The old man looks at the bartender and says, "I can’t remember where I live!"


Three old ladies are sitting in a diner, chatting about various things. One lady says, "You know, I’m getting really forgetful. This morning, I was standing at the top of the stairs, and I couldn’t remember whether I had just come up or was about to go down." The second lady says, "You think that’s bad? The other day, I was sitting on the edge of my bed, and I couldn’t remember whether I was going to bed or had just waken up!" The third lady smiles smugly. "Well, my memory’s just as good as it’s always been, knock on wood." She raps the table. With a startled look on her face, she asks, "Who’s there?!"


An 85-year-old widow went on a blind date with a 90-year-old man.

When she returned to her daughter’s house later that night, she seemed upset.

"What happened, Mother?" the daughter asked.

"I had to slap his face three times!"

"You mean he got fresh?"

"No," she answered. "I thought he was dead!"


A Chronological Record of Events as they have Transpired in the City and County since our last Issue.

Martin McNerney Gets a Spill.

Martin A. McNerney got a bad spill from his road wagon yesterday afternoon while driving from his quarry mill to town.

He came by Kendricktown, through the Carthage Marble & White Lime Company’s yards, and there his horse was scared at a car load of timber, dumped Mr. McNerney out against the quarry mill, and ran for the brush, where he was caught by employees at the mill.

An Open Knife In His Pocket.

Murry Bradford, a student at the High School, was badly cut in the leg yesterday while exercising on the grounds, by his dissecting knife which he had open in his pocket. By throwing himself into a stooping posture, the razor-like knife blade was thrust through his clothing into his flesh, making quite a severe wound.

  Today's Feature

Polling Places Announced for Jasper County Extension Council Elections

The 2011 public election of ten new members for the Jasper County University of Missouri Extension County Council will take place January 12 - 26.

Every county in Missouri has an extension council made up of elected and appointed members who represent the broad educational needs and backgrounds of people in that county.

Missouri state statutes create county extension councils to work with University of Missouri Extension.

Citizens over the age of 18 who reside in Jasper County can vote at one of ten locations within the county. Locations include: the University of Missouri Extension office in the basement of the Courthouse; Midwest Ag Supply, Central & Grant, Carthage; Ag Service Center of Carthage, 9721 County Rd. 80; SWCD office, 416 E. Airport Drive, Carthage; Whitehead Farm Supply, 318 Main, LaRussell; City Hall, 121 E. Grand, Jasper; Henkle Ace Hardware, 1201 S. Madison, Webb City; Jasper County Court Building, 601 S. Pearl, Joplin; and Fast 4 U, 920 N. Hwy D, Oronogo.

Just Jake Talkin'

After the 60 degree weather last week, I find myself concerned that we haven’t had a good, hard freeze yet this winter and time is runnin’ out.

‘Course it takes a good freeze to keep down the critters when summer comes around, or so I’ve always been led to believe. Hopefully we get a few cold days and get it over with and get back to this early spring weather.

From what they say on the weather reports this 40’s highs and 20’s lows are "normal" for this time a year. For some reason I’ve always thought a January as bein’ a little cooler than that. Suppose ya just remember those 18 degree highs with 40 mile per hour winds more. But then, I’ve never been one ta really recognize "normal."

This is some fact, but mostly,

Just Jake Talkin’.

Sponsored by Carthage Printing

Weekly Columns


By JoAnn Derson

• "During the winter, I keep a spray bottle around that’s filled with a dilution of fabric softener. Not only do a few spritzes on the furniture and carpet make the house smell nice, it also gives some much-needed humidity to the air." -- D.K. in Wyoming

• "This is a big hit at our house for dinner: Make meatloaf in a muffin tin and then use whipped potatoes to ‘frost’ the ‘cupcakes.’ We also decorate the tops with peas or corn kernels for a fun dinner that we then eat up!" -- B.B. in California

• Restrict your salt at the saltshaker. Seal up a few holes with clear nail polish.

• "If you like to reuse margarine tubs or similar containers for storing food or even crafts, use a bit of nail polish remover to clean off the lettering on the outside of the tub. It comes right off and doesn’t appear to affect the plastic." -- A.L. in Delaware

• When placing dough in a bowl to rise, try spraying it with cooking spray. It’s less messy than spreading oil around with your fingers.

• Slip a knee-high stocking over the mouth of your vacuum-cleaner hose and use it to dust your bookshelves or around knick-knacks. Nothing will get sucked up but dust.

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