A little boy walks into a pet store, and asks
the keeper, "Hey Mister... Can I get some boyd
The shopkeeper says "Pardon
me?", to which the little boy repeats "Hey
Mister... Can I please get some boyd seed??
The shop keeper says "Well,
its caled BIRD SEED, not boyd seed, so you go home
and practice, and come back when you can say it
The little boy leaves, and comes back
in two days. As the shopkeeper approaches, the little boy
asks, "Hey Mister... Can I PUH-LEASE have some boyd
Again, the shopkeeper explains to him
it is called BIRD SEED, and he is to go home and
practice, and come back when he can say it properly...
Two more days pass, and the little boy
again enters the pet store. The shopkeeper approaches him
and the boy asks, "Hey Mister... do ya wanna buy a
in a courtroom...
Q: All your responses must be oral,
okay? What school did you go to?
Q: Did he kill you?
Q: Do you know if your daughter has
ever been involved in the voodoo occult?
A: We both do.
A: We do.
Q: You do?
A: Yes, voodoo.
A Chronological Record of Events as they have
Transpired in the City and County since our last Issue.
A Midnight Marriage.
Chas. B. Bumgartner, a miner at South
Carthage, and Miss Honorah Read, who lives near the
mines, were married about midnight last night in the
recorders office at the court house. They came to
Carthage about 11:30 and appealed to Howard Betebenner to
help them out. He routed up Recorder J. A. Sigler and
while the license was being procured Night Officer Asa
Hurst went after Justice T. M. Garland who quickly made
them man and wife in the presence of the night police,
Howard Betebenner, Recorder Sigler and Chas. Hale. After
congratulations, the witnesses celebrated the occasion
fittingly at the invitation of Recorder Sigler and
You ought to know when suffering kidney
trouble a safe sure remedy is Foleys Kidney Cure.
Guaranteed or money refunded. Wells Drug Co., 316 east
side of square.
The City Council heard from
local real estate company representatives during
the regular meeting Tuesday evening. They ask
that the proposed contract with Keller Williams
of Joplin be rejected and more consideration be
give to local real estate agents to sell the
remaning Myers Park property.
The proposed contract would
give Keller Williams exclusive rights to sell the
property for the next two years.
Local agent Kip Smith asked the
Council to "Reject this as written" and
"Take this back to the drawing board."
The Council later heard the
first reading of the ordinance authorizing the
contract but there were no comments or discussion
by the members. A vote on the proposal is
scheduled for the next regular meeting in two
In other business, City
Administrator Tom Short told the Council that due
to the deteriation of expensive fire fighting
equipment with no funding in place, discussion of
a fire protection sales tax were being initiated
at committee level. He also reported that sales
tax revenues were up slightly.
County Jail Count
190 July 13,
Including Placed out of County
NASCAR THIS WEEK
Is Buzzword of 2011 Season
In 2010, 13 drivers won Sprint
Cup races. David Ragan became 2011s 12th.
The Coke Zero 400 was the 17th race of the
season, one shy of the halfway point.
They are Kevin Harvick (3),
Kyle Busch (2), Matt Kenseth (2), Jeff Gordon
(2), Carl Edwards, Kurt Busch, Jimmie Johnson,
Denny Hamlin, Ragan, Brad Keselowski, Regan Smith
and Trevor Bayne.
Just as surprising are some of
the drivers who still havent won races:
among them Dale Earnhardt Jr., Clint Bowyer, Ryan
Newman, Tony Stewart, Greg Biffle, Juan Pablo
Montoya, Mark Martin, Kasey Kahne, Jeff Burton
and Jamie McMurray.
To cite one example, Stewart
has won at least once in every season of his
career, dating all the way back to 1999.
As such, it appears possible
that NASCARs all-time record for winning
drivers within a single season will be exceeded.
Nineteen drivers visited victory lane in 2001,
1961, 1958 and 1956.
Earnhardt, while congratulating
Ragan, also said of Daytona, "I dont
know. Its weird racing.
"What kind of move can you
make? ... There aint no move you can make.
You just hold it on the mat and try not to wreck
into each other. You see how good we are at
Sure, both Daytona victories
this year, by Bayne and Ragan, were monumental
upsets, but the trend goes deeper than just
In Harvicks three
victories, he led a combined total of nine laps.
Victories by drivers who actually dominated races
have been few and far between, most notably Kurt
Buschs Infineon Raceway triumph and
Kenseths win at Texas Motor Speedway.
Track position has become
exceedingly important at most tracks. Fuel
mileage seems at least as crucial as speed. The
ranks of adept road racers has thickened. The
past five Sonoma (Infineon) races have been won
by drivers who had never previously won on road
A few weeks back, it seemed as
if the season was developing a pattern and that
familiar stars were taking control. Perhaps that
was the impression that was fleeting.
Worked with a guy once that
showed such a fear for snakes that coworkers
would toss pieces of rope at him just to
watch him yell and squirm. Theyd sneak
a rubber snake into his lunch box and all try
to be around when he opened it. .
Everone would have a big laugh.
I got ta thinkin
after a while the guy would catch on and at
least try to ignore such pranks, but he would
always give the anticipated reaction. I have
ta figure that at some point he started
likin the attention and played up to
the "snake hater" image a bit.
Course a lotta folks
learn what buttons ta push ta make
acquaintances squirm a little, they are just
a little more subtle. They toss out the bait
and see if anyone bites. After a while ya
have ta question the judgment or the motives
of someone who gets hooked too often.
This is some fact, but
Just Jake Talkin.
Metcalf Auto Supply
CLICK and CLACK
I am writing to you to settle a
disagreement that my dad and mom had when I was a
kid (in the 1970s) and my wife and I have
currently. Does an engine ever need to be floored
(hard acceleration) to "blow out the
carbon"? Was that merely an excuse for my
dad to show off his 1967 Hemi Dart at stoplights?
Or was there actual benefit for the hard
acceleration once in a while? I use that same
excuse with my wife at stoplights (in a much
slower vehicle). Neither my mom nor my wife
believes it has any benefit, and they think it
would be just fine for the rpm to stay at or
below 3,000 for the lifetime of the engine. What
do you think? -- David
RAY: I think Im going to
ruin your day, David. Because I have to break the
news to you that your wife and mother are
TOM: In the 70s, cars had
carburetors. Carburetors let gasoline slosh into
the cylinders. And with all that excess gasoline,
a buildup of carbon was a much more common
RAY: There was a school of
thought that suggested that running the car at
high speed would help clean the caked-on carbon
off the valves and pistons.
TOM: But by "running the
car at high speed," they meant taking it on
the highway for a long, high-speed drive -- not
stomping on the gas at a stoplight and leaving a
lime-green AMC Pacer in the dust.
RAY: But cars havent had
carburetors since the 1980s, and carbon buildup
on the pistons almost never is a problem.
TOM: So its time to catch
up with the times, David. Youre in for a
little humiliation when you have to apologize to
the women in your life. But dont worry --
youll look good wearing those pants up
around your chest ... mumbling "yes,
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