The Mornin' Mail is published every weekday except major holidays
Friday, July 15, 2011 Volume XX, Number 19

did ya know?.

Did Ya Know?..The Grace Episcopal Church will hold an Art-A-Fair this Friday, July 15 from 5-8 p.m. Silent Auction, wine tasting & cheeses. Donation of $5 to benefit Youth Travel.

today's laugh

Two cannibals meet one day. The first cannibal says, "You know, I just can’t seem to get a tender Missionary. I’ve baked them, I’ve roasted them, I’ve stewed them, I’ve barbecued them, I’ve tried every sort of marinade. I just cannot seem to get them tender."

The second cannibal asks, "What kind of Missionary do you use?"

The other replied, "You know, the ones that hang out at that place at the bend of the river. They have those brown cloaks with a rope around the waist and they’re sort of bald on top with a funny ring of hair on their heads."

"Ah, ha!" the second cannibal replies. "No wonder... those are friars!"


I bought my wife a mood ring the other day.

When she’s in a good mood it turns green.

When she’s in a bad mood, it leaves a red mark on my forehead.


A dog has an owner. A cat has a staff.

Actual Medical Charts

The baby was delivered, the cord clamped and cut and handed to the pediatrician, who breathed and cried immediately.

The skin was moist and dry.

Rectal exam revealed a normal size thyroid.

The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of gas and crashed.

The patient lives at home with his mother, father, and pet turtle, who is presently enrolled in day care three times a week.

Bleeding started in the rectal area and continued all the way to Los Angeles.

She is numb from her toes down.

Exam of genitalia was completely negative except for the right foot.

While in the emergency room, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.

The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.

The patient was to have a bowel resection. However he took a job as a stockbroker instead.

Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.

Coming from Detroit, this man has no children.

Patient was alert and unresponsive.

When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room.


A Chronological Record of Events as they have Transpired in the City and County since our last Issue.

Jury Returned Guilty Verdict.

The guilt or innocence of Thomas Kettlewell charged with raping his 10-year-old stepdaughter was left in the hands of the 12 jurors in circuit court. At 11:30, the jury filed into the court with a verdict and sheriff W. H. Warren went to the county jail to bring the defendant into court to hear it. There were only a few attorneys and spectators when the prisoner entered in charge of deputy Nate Smith and the hands of the big clock pointed to 11:51. Judge Perkins read the verdict: "We, the jury, find the defendant guilty of assault with intent to commit rape, as charged in the second count of the indictment and assess his punishment at 3 years imprisonment in the penitentiary."

After court adjourned, Kettlewell said: "I may be stamped by my fellowmen as a criminal, but I thank God that I go to prison an innocent man." As he was speaking the big clock in the tower tolled twelve and he was led out of the courtroom.

  Today's Feature

Consumer Complaints Addressed.

Attorney General Chris Koster visited the Resource, Recovery and Rebuilding Center in Joplin Wednesday to review the number and nature of complaints his staff has received since opening a mobile office following the May tornado. Koster has had staff on site to assist people who have questions or concerns about consumer issues, such as mortgage counseling, price gouging, identity theft, and contractor or debris-removal scams.

"Our staff in Joplin have received nearly 300 consumer complaints from Joplin storm survivors, and the numbers change hourly," Koster said. "It’s an incredibly unfortunate reality that there are people who see this kind of tragedy as an opportunity to profit from the victims’ misfortune."

Koster said currently the top five complaint categories are:

mortgage fraud, with 54 complaints and 40 resolved; rent increase issues, 51 complaints and 30 resolved; towing, 13 complaints and 5 resolved; charity, 8 complaints and 2 closed; and home repair, 9 complaints and 5 closed.

Jasper County Jail Count

190 July 14, 2011

Total Including Placed out of County

Just Jake Talkin'

I’ve never had the pleasure of testifyin’ in a courtroom under oath. I’d just assume keep it that way. I don’t know of any earth shatterin’ evidence I would have in my possession, but havin’ to remember ever’ little detail of a particular decision or judgement might put a strain on my mental capacity.

Not havin’ any real legal trainin’, I may be overestimatin’ the reality, but I’d have to assume that the challenge the Sheriff has laid down for the County Commission will get into a few details of not only authority, but also competency. Not only was this or that decision or judgement legal, but was it the best judgement or decision based on the circumstances at the time.

One thing lawyers like ta do is ask questions. Lots of ‘em. ‘Course so do my grandkids. I don’t always have the answer.

This is some fact, but mostly,

Just Jake Talkin’.

Sponsored by Metcalf Auto Supply

Weekly Column


ART NOTES from Hyde House

by Sally Armstrong, Director of artCentral

Our gallery is empty of art once more, in preparation for our children’s artCamp which will begin July 18th and continue through July 31st. This year we will feature a second Annual Kid’s Exhibit on Sunday the 24th, which is the only day in the middle of the camp schedule when we do not hold classes. Last year we held the first exhibit in our gallery, with a cookie and punch reception for the parents, families and friends and it was a big success. Teachers were on hand to meet, and I featured some of our teacher’s work that day as well. This year we will continue that tradition started. I alluded to the fact in last week’s article that we have received some memorial money from friends of Richard Logsdon, and this money is designated as scholarship funds for kids who desire to take additional classes at camp but maybe do not have all the funds to do so. In order to receive help, a child must be enrolled in at least one paid for class, and then we work with each case to assist in help with additional classes. A child must have a letter from an art or regular teacher on file that he/she has a desire and interest in art, and that they are worthy of the help from our patrons who volunteer assistance. Some of our members are faithful to award assistance to students as needed; artists Lora Waring and Cheryl Church whose work was shown in the last exhibition asked that the sales of their cards and prints go towards scholarships for artCamp. Our advisor to the board, former volunteer director Sandy Higgins is always interested in assisting worthy students, and has once more this year volunteered to do so. It is so heartening to have these offer their assistance, especially with the children from Joplin that we may be getting for the first time, who may have difficulty financially but who might really benefit from camp this year. I appreciate the publicity given me in both the PRESS and the GLOBE to get the word out that our kid’s camp is open to all kid’s aged 8-14 who have an "interest" in art--- maybe not a great talent, but at least an interest. Not every kid will be a future artist, but we hope to foster a desire and enable them to have a time to create in a beautiful setting, something we can offer here at the Hyde House. Let us know if you know of a worthy child that could enjoy this experience!

Copyright 2011, Heritage Publishing. All rights reserved.