| today's
laugh The local bar was so sure that its bartender was
the strongest man around that they offered a standing
$1000 bet. The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all
the juice ran into a glass, and hand the lemon to a
patron. Anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice
out would win the money. Many people had tried over time
(weight lifters,longshoremen, etc..) but nobody could do
it.
One day a scrawny little man came in,
wearing thick glasses and a polyester suit, and said in a
tiny, squeaky voice, "I’d like to try the
bet."
After the laughter had died down, the
bartender said "okay," grabbed a lemon, and
squeezed away.
He then handed the wrinkled remains of
the rind to the little man. But the crowd’s laughter
turned to total silence as the man clenched his fist
around the lemon and six drops fell into the glass.
As the crowd cheered, the bartender
paid the $1000, and asked the little man, "What do
you do for a living? Are you a lumberjack, a weight
lifter, or what?"
He replied, "I work for the
IRS."
1911
INTERESTING MELANGE.
A Chronological Record of Events as they have
Transpired in the City and County since our last Issue.
They Appeared By
Proxy.
Bond Jumping Wheat
Stealers Let Off With a Small Fine.
Andrew Kemper and O. W. Lyon, the two
farmers from near Jasper charged with stealing wheat,
were not present when their case was called in Justice
Tyree’s court this morning. C. E. Burch appeared for
them as their attorney and entered a plea of guilty. They
were fined $1 and costs each, making a total of about
$35. This was promptly paid.
It will be remembered that when the men
were arrested here they put up a team and wagon with
Attorney John H. Bailey, and he went their security to
the extent of $50 each. They failed to appear for trial
and the case was continued to allow Mr. Bailey an
opportunity to find the men. They had skipped the
country, however, and it afterward developed that one of
the horses did not belong to either of them and the other
was mortgaged to Weeks & Son. The horses were
replevined and the attorney was left in the hole.
He seems to have now solved the
problem, which confronted him very neatly, as well as
demonstrated some new points in criminal practice. Had
the men appeared in court in person they would have in
all probability been given jail sentences, and the query
naturally arises what brand of rabbit foot did the young
attorney work on Justice Tyree to induce him to let them
off with simple fines of $1 each and costs.
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Today's Feature Myers Park Vote
Scheduled Tonight.
The City Council is scheduled
to meet this evening at 7:30 in City Hall Council
Chambers.
Included on the agenda is an
Ordinance authorizing the Mayor to enter into a
contract with Keller Williams of Joplin for the
marketing and sale of property located at Myers
Park in the City of Carthage.
During the last regular Council
meeting three citizens, which included two
representatives of Carthage realtors, requested
that this ordinance be reworked.
Mayor Mike Harris defended the
decision to hire Keller Williams after that
meeting noting the company had a national network
that could reach a larger number of potential
buyers for the property.
He also acknowledged that only
Keller Williams representatives had an actual
face-to-face interview with the selection
committee.
The agenda also includes a
first reading of an ordinance authorizing a
contract with Reed Concrete Construction for the
pouring and finishing of a concrete pad in Griggs
Park for a skate park.
Jasper
County Jail Count
201 July 25,
2011
Total
Including Placed out of County
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Just Jake
Talkin'
Mornin',
Used ta be three basic hair
cuts. Burr (natural), Flat top (Butch Wax),
and long (Brylcream). Made things a lot
easier on barbers I suppose. But I’ll
bet the barber shops had a hay-day
retrainin’ when the newer styles came
along.
‘Course the big
problem some have expressed with the Butch
Wax was the girls couldn’t run their
fingers through their fingers through their
hair like the Brylcream commercials always
talked about. Never figured that one out
either, why that gal on the commercial liked
ta get her hands all greasy like that. Bet
she had trouble hangin’ on to her
lipstick after that.
It was a catchy little
phrase though, "a little dab’ll do
ya." Seems like it otta fit into
"Does eat oats" somewhere. Oh well,
hair today, gone tomorrow.
This is some fact, but
mostly,
Just Jake Talkin’.
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Carthage Printing |
Weekly
Column
To Your Good
Health
By Paul G. Donohue,
M.D.
Heat
and the Elderly
DEAR DR. DONOHUE: My mother is
92 and lives by herself. She’s quite
independent and does well. A neighbor takes her
grocery shopping, and we take her to other places
she has to go. She is extremely set in her ways.
I offered to have her home
air-conditioned. She won’t hear of it. She
says she’s used a fan all her life, and she
likes to keep the windows open.
I worry about someone her age
tolerating heat, and it gets very hot here. Can
you provide some arguments that would change her
mind? -- D.A.
ANSWER: Your offer to
air-condition your mother’s home is a kind
gesture and has lots of merit. I’m not about
to challenge your mother. She has successfully
lived a long life, and I could learn from her.
People in the past lived comfortably without air
conditioning.
Your mother does have to be on
guard for dehydration and heat sickness.
During hot summers, everyone
has to stay well hydrated. Older people’s
sense of thirst is not as reliable an indicator
of fluid needs as is younger people’s thirst
sense. She should sip water all day long, or she
can choose any beverage she likes, including tea.
Cooled drinks help keep the body cooled.
Evaporation is the chief means
the body has for staying cool. Not only is an
older person’s thirst sensation blunted, but
so is the ability to sweat. Evaporation of sweat
cools the body. I don’t mean visible sweat;
the sweating I mean is imperceptible but
constant. Her fan helps evaporate that
imperceptible sweat. However, with a reduced
capacity to sweat, older people are at greater
risk of suffering from a heat injury.
Increased body heat increases
the body’s need for oxygen, and that
stresses the heart.
On very hot days, how about
inviting your mother over to your house until the
hot spell breaks?
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