The Mornin' Mail is published every weekday except major holidays
Thursday, July 28, 2011 Volume XX, Number 28

did ya know?.

Did Ya Know?.. The Carthage Crisis Center Presents A Free Furniture and Appliance Distribution for Tornado Survivors and other Needy Families At 9 AM on Saturday August 6, 2011 at 100 Main Street.

Did Ya Know?..The City of Carthage will be spraying for mosquitoes Monday, July 25 through Friday, July 29. Areas will be sprayed between the hours of 8 p.m. and midnight the day of garbage pick-up.

today's laugh

Panicking when her toddler swallowed a tiny magnet; my sister, Betty, rushed him to the emergency room.

"He’ll be fine," the doctor promised her. "The magnet should pass through his system in a day or two."

"How will I be sure?" she pressed.

"Well," the doctor suggested, "you could stick him on the refrigerator. When he falls off, you’ll know."


"If you’ll make the toast and pour the juice, Sweetheart," said the newlywed bride, "breakfast will be ready."

"Good, what are we having for breakfast?" said the new husband.

"Toast and juice," the bride replied.


I said. "Men are good for only one thing!"

"Yes," my mother interjected, "but how often do you have to parallel park?"


A Chronological Record of Events as they have Transpired in the City and County since our last Issue.

Is He The Rape Fiend?

Yesterday’s Springfield Leader-Democrat contains a notice of the arrest at that place of one Frank Murphy, a tramp.

His clothing answers the description exactly of that worn by the man wanted here for outraging Mrs. Kaz Bishop northeast of town, and adds that "Carthage officers will be notified of the arrest." They will look into it, as the fellow may be the man, or if he has the clothes it may be a hobo who has changed clothes with the fiend and may thus be able to give a clue to his whereabouts.

The farmers of the Marsh neighborhood have a committee at work soliciting subscriptions to the reward for the capture of the rapist. A gentleman from that neighborhood informed Deputy Sheriff Nate Smith that over $500 had been raised. There seems to be no doubt that the $1000 the farmers set out to raise will be secured.

  Today's Feature

Deadline to Apply for SBA Disaster Loans is Friday

The deadline to apply for disaster loans through the U.S. Small Business Administration is Friday, July 29th. The Joplin Area Chamber of Commerce asks that ALL businesses apply for disaster loans with the SBA. This is an important step in the process of rebuilding business in the community. Businesses are not required to accept SBA loans if offered, however, businesses must have applied in order to be eligible for other gap financing options that may be available. Businesses that did not experience physical damage are eligible to apply for economic impact loans. The deadline for the economic impact loans is February 9, 2012.

Currently, SBA has approved over $26.6 million in disaster loans in Jasper and Newton County, $19.8 million for residential and personal property losses and $6.8 million for business losses.

Businesses may register with the SBA at the Business Recovery Center located inside the Joseph Newman Innovation Center adjacent to the Joplin Area Chamber of Commerce located at 320 East 4th Street. The Business Recovery Center is staffed by SBA officials as well as the Small Business and Development and Technology Center.

Jasper County Jail Count

206 July 27, 2011

Total Including Placed out of County


By Monte Dutton

Newman Relishes Rare Double

LOUDON, N.H. -- When Ryan Newman crossed the finish line at New Hampshire Motor Speedway, having won for the 15th time in his Sprint Cup career, he enjoyed a pleasing, but rare, overlap.

Newman also started on the pole in the Lenox Industrial Tools 301. It was the 47th pole of Newman’s career. Only nine drivers have ever won more. But it was only the fourth time Newman won after starting out front.

"We backed up what everybody said we couldn’t back up," he said. "That was our qualifying effort on Friday. I had won three for 46, now four for 47.

"We’ll relish this moment and figure out what we did right so we can keep doing it."

Eight of Newman’s 15 career victories occurred in 2003, when he drove for Roger Penske. He was selected as Cup’s 2002 Rookie of the Year over Jimmie Johnson, who has since won five championships.

Newman’s owner and teammate, Tony Stewart, finished second, marking the first time teammates both started and finished 1-2, in the same order, since 1957.

As the laps wound down, Newman had track position but was low on fuel. He managed to save enough fuel to maintain the lead and hold off Stewart’s charge.

"One of the best cars here is the ‘14’ (Stewart). There were a couple other cars at different times, but the ‘14’ was mired back in traffic," said Newman. "He had to run the wheels off of it to get up to where he had some track position so he could try to run us down.

"Fortunately, it stayed green. I was more worried about a yellow coming out with five to go. ‘Do we have enough fuel for a green-white-checkered (finish)? Usually those things that come and squash us didn’t happen today. Maybe a change of luck for us from that standpoint."

Newman, like Stewart, is a native of Indiana. The 33-year-old South Bend native graduated from Purdue University in 2001 with a degree in vehicle structure engineering.

Now eighth in the Sprint Cup point standings, Newman became the 13th driver to win in the season’s first 19 races.

Just Jake Talkin'

I heard ‘bout this gal that won a cookin’ contest. She said the secret to her roast was cuttin’ a little off each end ‘fore she put it ta cook. Said she didn’t know ‘xactly why it worked but her mother had always done it that way.

A snoopy reporter decided ta find out why this would make it taste any better. He went to the mother to uncover the secret. She told him that she never prepared a roast without first cuttin’ a little off each end, the way her mother did.

Finally the reporter went to the grandma. When asked the grandma replied: "I don’t know ‘bout tastin’ better. Ma did it ‘cause we didn’t have a pan big enough to fit a full roast in."

Sometimes it takes someone lookin’ a things a little different ta find out what’s really goin’ on.

This is some fact, but mostly,

Just Jake Talkin’.

Sponsored by Metcalf Auto Supply

Weekly Column




My boss and I are in a never-ending prank war. I really want to hook up one of those horns to his car that plays the ice-cream-truck jingle. And I want to have it come on whenever he starts the car. The problem is that I have no idea how to do this. Can you guys help me? Cheers! -- SaraMarie

RAY: That’s a great prank, SaraMarie.

TOM: That meets all of the criteria of the American Prank Association: Nobody gets hurt, physically or psychologically. It’s reversible, so there’s no permanent damage to person or property. And, most importantly, it’s not mean-spirited, so the prankee can laugh along and appreciate the cleverness that went into pulling it off -- while he’s plotting his revenge.

RAY: So we approve of this prank wholeheartedly. The first thing you’re going to have to do is find the horn.

TOM: I don’t know where you’ll find it, but I’d say the prospects are good. After all, we’ve heard horns that play "La Cucaracha," "Dixie," and the mating calls of a wide variety of farm animals. So check online, or try the JC Whitney catalog.

RAY: Then you’ll need to recruit a mechanic who’s willing to play along.

TOM: Since you work with your boss, you’re going to schedule an important meeting for him -- preferably in a windowless room -- while the mechanic is working on his car in the office parking lot. And you’re going to keep him there until you get word that the coast is clear.

RAY: Installing a horn is a pretty easy job. Your mechanic shouldn’t even need the keys.

TOM: I’m glad you don’t work for me, SaraMarie! Well, let us know how it goes. And we’ll start thinking about revenge ideas for when your boss writes to us. Have fun.

Copyright 2011, Heritage Publishing. All rights reserved.