Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
The types of cows
If a communist has two cows, he gives
both to the government, and the government sells him some
of the milk.
If a Socialist has two cows, he gives
both to the government, and the government gives him some
of the milk.
If a Capitalist has two cows, he sells
one and buys a bull.
If a New dealist has two cows, he kills
one, milks the other, and throws away the milk.
If a Liberalist has two cows, he sells
them to the rich, then taxes them one cow and gives it to
If a Conservatist has two cows, he
locks them up and charges people to look at them.
If an Atheist has two cows, he
doesnt believe it.
If a Taoist has two cows, he lets them
If a Aristocrat has two cows, he sells
them and buys one big one.
A Chronological Record of Events as they have
Transpired in the City and County since our last Issue.
She Took A Shot At
Today shortly after noon a man appeared
at the home of a Mr. Shelton on Boisd Arc street
and asked for a drink of water. There was no one at home
but Miss Shelton and she complied with his request. After
drinking he inquired about a vacant house next door,
asking who had the renting of it. Miss Shelton gave him
what information she possessed and he started over to
look at the house. He entered the building and went into
the basement. He then appeared at a window and after
attracting her attention began to undress. Miss Shelton
ran into the house and procured a revolver and the fellow
made a break to run. She appeared a moment later and
fired four shots after his fleeting figure. Bullets
spatted around him at a lively rate but he was not hit as
far as known. The last seen of him he was running south
on River street with a dog belonging to a neighbor
swinging to his coattail.
Regional Hospital Partners with St. Johns.
After the events of May 22 left
a devastating impact on the Joplin area,
McCune-Brooks has worked to provide services to
St. Johns patients and room for several
Mercy physicians. According to hospital
officials, when it became obvious that staff
would temporarily need to be increased, those
positions were offered to St. Johns
employees through St. Johns Talent Sharing
program. The partnership will put about 80 St.
Johns co-workers back to work delivering
"After orientation in our
system and introduction to our mission, vision
and values, St. Johns Partner employees
will help us ensure continued patient safety and
comfort, allowing us to continue to provide
patient-centered care," said Bob Copeland,
CEO of McCune-Brooks.
In addition, McCune-Brooks has
signed an Assistance Agreement with St.
Johns to provide for the expansion of beds
from 25 to 52 and to furnish staff and equipment
for a third surgery suite. Funding will come from
an unrestricted donation by St. Johns to
McCune-Brooks. The increased beds and surgery
suite will help St. Johns with the added
space they need for their providers to work. St.
Johns hospitalists will provide coverage 24
hours a day / 7 days a week and additional
specialists such as anesthesiologists, surgeons,
ENT and gastroenterologists will also join the
"We did a tour of McCune
Brooks and were absolutely impressed with the
design of the facility and the fact that it is
built around the patient experience,"
explained Gary Pulsipher, St. Johns Mercy
Hospital president / CEO. "This is a
wonderful arrangement for co-workers and patients
alike. Patients can get care close to home. And
we are able to give St. Johns Mercy
co-workers and physicians a place to serve."
"Our passion to provide
great care to our patients drives our number one
ranking, out of 86 participating Missouri
hospitals, according to the National Hospital
Consumer Assessment of Healthcare Providers
survey or HCAHPS. We are committed to providing
the very best service to all of our patients and
the gift of St. Johns talent and financial
assistance will go a long ways towards ensuring
that happens." Copeland said.
McCune-Brooks Regional Hospital
serves patients primarily from the counties of
Jasper, Newton, Barton, Greene, and Lawrence. The
medical staff includes family practice
physicians, surgeons, and other specialists.
Staff is made up of physicians, whose primary
practice is in Carthage, as well as those who
maintain an office in both Carthage and Joplin.
An emergency room with 24-hour physician coverage
is available for patients who need urgent care
due to illness or injury.
County Jail Count
202 July 1, 2011
Including Placed out of County
In the oil patch there is a
thing called tank "bottoms." This
is the thick gooey stuff that settles to the
bottom of the oil tank out in the field.
When the gauger comes ta
check your tank for the buyer, they check ta
see how much bottom there is in a tank. Too
much and they wont buy the oil.
The usual practice is to
stir the bottom up real good as ya pump the
oil outa the tank so as ta get
everthing floatin so it flows out
with the oil.
Course the buyers
know the practice and theyd prefer that
the mess wasnt stirred at all.
Theyd be better off if everthing
just settled and there was a good
cleanin ever now and then.
Usually its not the
stirrin that causes the most problems,
it what floats to the surface that folks
dont want to deal with.
This is some fact, but
Just Jake Talkin.
To Your Good
By Paul G. Donohue,
Handle on Heartburn
DEAR DR. DONOHUE: After an
endoscopy, the doctor told me I have a hiatal
hernia. He said nothing could be done for it and
that I will have to live with it the rest of my
life. He gave me no medicines or advice. I am
anxious about this and would appreciate any info
you can give me. -- Anon.
ANSWER: The swallowing tube --
the esophagus -- begins at the throat, travels
down the chest and finally ends by attaching to
the stomach. To reach the stomach, it must go
through an opening in the diaphragm, the muscle
that separates the chest from the abdominal
cavity. That opening is the hiatus. A hiatal
hernia is a bulging of part of the stomach
through the hiatus and into the chest cavity.
Many times, a hiatal hernia causes no symptoms
and needs no treatment.
At other times, a hiatal hernia
produces GERD -- gastroesophageal reflux -- an
upward spurting of acid and digestive juices from
the stomach into the esophagus. That brings on
heartburn, a common problem with many treatments.
People without such a hernia also develop GERD.
Here are some tips to handle
heartburn. Lose weight, if need be. Dont
eat within three hours of going to bed. Elevate
the head of your bed using blocks that are 6 to 8
inches tall and placed under the bedposts. This
keeps stomach juices in the stomach while you
sleep. Sleep on your left side for the same
reason. Dont wear constricting garments
around the abdomen or too tight a belt. Take
antacids as needed -- Tums, Rolaids, Mylanta and
Maalox. Eliminate any food that gives you
heartburn. Usual offenders are citrus fruits,
tomatoes, onions, spicy foods, fatty and fried
foods, chocolate, carbonated beverages, mints and
If these steps dont solve
the heartburn problem, try medicines called acid
blockers: Tagamet (cimetidine), Zantac
(ranitidine), Pepcid (famotidine) and Axid
(nizatidine). In low doses, all of these can be
purchased without a prescription.
The next step is medicines that
turn off acid production. Prilosec (omeprazole)
doesnt require a prescription. The
prescription drugs are Prevacid, Nexium, Aciphex,
Protonix and Dexilant.
Copyright 2011, Heritage
Publishing. All rights reserved.