The Mornin' Mail is published every weekday except major holidays
Wednesday, July 6, 2011 Volume XX, Number 12

did ya know?.

Did Ya Know?..The Tornado Recovery Support Group will meet at 7 p.m. in the McCune Brooks RH Room 1942 July 12, 19 & 26. Open to the public. Call 359-2636 for more information.

today's laugh

Soon after our last child left home for college, my husband was resting next to me on the couch with his head in my lap. I carefully removed his glasses. "You know, honey," I said sweetly, "without your glasses, you look like the same handsome young man I married."

"Honey," he replied with a grin. "Without my glasses, you still look pretty good too!"

The surgeon walked up to the patient and said "Ah Mr Jones, I have some good news and some bad news". The patient said "Well you better give me the bad news first".

The doctor said, "Well we kinda got the charts mixed up a bit and we amputated your feet in error".

The patient very distraught is now sobbing and saying "Oh my God, well please tell me what the good news is".

The doctor said "It’s not so bad, you see, the guy in the bed next to you wants to buy your slippers"

The year 2029

Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia formally known as California.

Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops and livestock.

Baby conceived naturally . . . scientists stumped.

Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.

Last remaining Fundamentalist Muslim dies in the American Territory of the Middle East (formerly known as Iran, Afghanistan, Syria and Lebanon).

Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.

France pleads for global help after being overtaken by Jamaica.

Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.

George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.

Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.

85-year, $75.8 billion study: Diet and Exercise is the key to weight loss.

Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.


A Chronological Record of Events as they have Transpired in the City and County since our last Issue.

Miss Tillie King Surprised.

Dr. H. O. Scott’s Sunday school class surprised Miss Tillie King at her home on Grant street last evening. Charades and games of various kinds were the order of the evening, which was pleasantly spent. Light refreshments were served. Miss Mabel Hamilton photographed the group by flash light. Those present were Dr. and Mrs. Scott, Misses Mabel Hamilton, Ethel Brown, Minnie Gladden, Lillian Schooler, Maj. J. L. Moore, and Messers, Jay Butcher, Robt. Elliott, Thurlow Fellers, Duncan Hanna, and N. W. Boillot.

Mr. C. Fingerlee, of union township, who is in Carthage today, says that when he crossed Center creek this morning there was not a particle of water flowing. Mr. Fingerlee is an old settler here but says this is the first time he has seen the water so low as that, which gives an idea of the extent and severity of the present drought.

  Today's Feature

Road Map to Recovery.

Officials have announced the establishment of a planning framework and process to develop a recovery road map following the May 22 tornado. The process will integrate a multi-disciplinary team of professionals and volunteers supporting recovery planning, comprehensive planning and economic development strategies.

"Working together, we can make the best of this situation. The incredible community spirit that we saw for the response will be our strength in recovery," said Rob O’Brian, President, Joplin Area Chamber of Commerce.

While final details of the recovery planning process are still being refined, representatives from Joplin, Duquesne, and Joplin Area Chamber of Commerce will visit Greensburg, Kansas to discuss long-term recovery experiences with residents and local officials that have dealt with post-disaster redevelopment, to consider if some of the strategies employed there can be successfully applied in Joplin.

The public engagement process is designed to establish a systematic approach to challenging and complex issues.

Jasper County Jail Count

202 July 5, 2011

Total Including Placed out of County

Just Jake Talkin'

In all the time I’ve spent lookin’ through flea markets and the such, I have run across all sorts of gadgets that someone has an explanation for. Some will just outright tell ya they don’t have the faintest idea, but there is always one who has an opinion ta fit any oddball mechanical device.

The one gizmo that I’ve never come across, and looks ta me like would have been implemented by someone, is an automatic toilet seat lowerin’ device.

It would appear to be a simple enough setup of a couple a levers and a foot pedal of some sorts. Stand in front of the throne and place your foot on the pedal, the lid comes up. Step back and it automatically lowers to the more feminine position.

From all the talk about this major point of contention between the sexes, looks like someone would find an answer.

This is some fact, but mostly,

Just Jake Talkin’.

Sponsored by Carthage Printing

Weekly Column


By JoAnn Derson

• Glassware will sparkle if you add a capful of bleach to the rinse water when hand-washing dishes.

• "Berries are in season, and I use berry baskets for lots of little storage needs. My favorite one is to hold my sponges at the sink area. A basket will keep small brushes corralled as well." -- I.R. in Florida

• "We had an impromptu princess/magical fairy tea party at our house yesterday, and we came up with the best on-the-spot magic wands. We cut big stars out of paperboard (like a cereal box) and decorated them with stickers, construction paper and glitter, then we threaded them on long kebab sticks. I snipped the pointy end and covered it with colorful tape. Presto, party wand!" -- E.D. in Maine

• To keep salt from coming out of a saltshaker too quickly, add some plain uncooked white rice to the shaker. The large grains will block some of the holes, causing less salt to come out with each shake. The rice also will absorb moisture and keep the salt from clumping.

• "When I take my dog to ‘Grandma’ for dog-sitting, I measure out each meal into a plastic zipper-top bag. This way, Mom doesn’t have to remember how much to feed at each mealtime, and it makes it easy to serve." -- V.Y. in Texas

Copyright 2011, Heritage Publishing. All rights reserved.