The Mornin' Mail is published every weekday except major holidays
Thursday, July 7, 2011 Volume XX, Number 13

did ya know?.

Did Ya Know?..The Tornado Recovery Support Group will meet at 7 p.m. in the McCune Brooks RH Room 1942 July 12, 19 & 26. Open to the public. Call 359-2636 for more information.

today's laugh

A client who felt his legal bill was too high asked his lawyer to itemize costs.

The statement included this item:

Was walking down the street and saw you on the other side. Walked to the corner to cross at the light, crossed the street and walked quickly to catch up with you. Got close and saw it wasn’t you. -$50.00.’

The U.S. Treasury announced today that it is recalling all of the Alabama quarters that are part of its program featuring quarters from each state.

"We are recalling all the new Alabama quarters that were recently issued," Treasury Undersecretary Jack Shackleford said Monday. "This action is being taken after numerous reports that the new quarters will not work in parking meters, toll booths, vending machines, pay phones, or other coin-operated devices."

The quarters were issued in the order in which the various states joined the U.S. and have been a tremendous success among coin collectors worldwide.

"The problem lies in the unique design of the Alabama quarter, which was created by an Auburn University graduate," Shackleford said. "Apparently, the duct tape holding the two dimes and the nickel together keeps jamming the coin-operated devices."


That can’t be my ball, caddie. It looks far too old.", said the player looking at a ball deep in the trees

"It’s a long time since we started, sir."


"So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says "Can you give me a lift?"

I said "Sure, you look great, the world’s your oyster, go for it.’"


A Chronological Record of Events as they have Transpired in the City and County since our last Issue.

A Record Broken.

Female Department of the County Jail Empty for Three Days.

For the first time since the administration of W. H. Warren as sheriff of Jasper county, the female department at the jail has lacked an occupant. For three whole days, ending yesterday, not a woman or girl of whatever age, color or previous condition of servitude, stared out of the upper windows of the jail at the passers by on East Fourth street, and Turnkey Jeff Plummer gazed about in a helpless sort of way, as though the old jail did not seem quite the same. But such an unwanted goodness among the fair sex could not last, and yesterday one Alice Simons was brought up from Webb City to serve eight days for lewd conduct. She is as yet solitary and alone. The entire population of the jail is now only 48.

  Today's Feature

10 Traffic Deaths During

July Fourth Weekend,

Ten people died in traffic crashes during the 2011 July Fourth holiday counting period. The counting period began at 6 p.m., Friday, July 1, 2011, and ended at 11:59 pm, Monday, July 4, 2011. The Missouri State Highway Patrol worked 259 crashes in which eight people died and 130 were injured. Troopers arrested 168 people for driving while intoxicated during this year’s holiday weekend. The Kansas City Police Department investigated two fatalities.

During last year’s counting period, troopers worked 281 traffic crashes in which six people died and 134 were injured. Statewide, in 2010, there were 1,121 traffic crashes, in which 13 people died and 472 were injured. Troopers made 169 driving while intoxicated arrests during the 2010 counting period.

There were no boating fatalities over the 2011 July Fourth weekend. However, troopers investigated ten boating crashes involving five injuries. One person drowned on Missouri waterways. Troopers also arrested 33 people for boating while intoxicated over the holiday weekend.

Jasper County Jail Count

201 July 6, 2011

Total Including Placed out of County



By Monte Dutton

Logano Experienced Beyond His Years


Joey Logano, who won the Sprint Cup Series’ Rookie of the Year award in 2009, turned some heads at Infineon Raceway by winning the pole.

The 21-year-old had won a pole before, at Bristol in 2010, but few expected him to record the fastest time at a road course. Race day wasn’t bad, either, as Logano finished a creditable sixth in his No. 20 Home Depot Toyota. It was easily his best-ever finish at the series’ two road courses, Infineon and Watkins Glen.

The Sonoma, Calif., layout provided a welcome and unexpected lift in Logano’s fortunes. The Middletown, Conn., native remains only 23rd in the points standings after finishing 20th in 2009 and 16th in 2010. The Infineon finish was only his third top-10 of the season to date.

"This is the last place I figured we’d ever get a pole," said Logano after averaging more than 93 mph around the 11-turn, 1.99-mile course.

After the sixth-place finish, he added, "I can’t tell you how badly I needed something like this. It’s definitely going to help our season. I think it’s definitely going to get us some momentum."

Logano was NASCAR’s youngest top rookie ever, and he also became the youngest driver ever to win a Cup race on June 28, 2009, when he won a rain-shortened race at New Hampshire Motor Speedway.

At Sonoma, Robby Gordon and Logano clashed during the race.

"That’s no big deal to me," said Logano, referring to Gordon. "I don’t know. He was running me all over the race track. He knocked my fender in for no reason. We were a lot, lot faster than him. I just had enough. I wasn’t going to get pushed around. He pushed me around before, and I was sick of it.

"I think that’s a small story. That’s not a big deal. We finished sixth. I’m pretty happy about that."

What would be a big story would be a Logano comeback, now that he has some momentum. To make the Chase, he would have to win at least one race and somehow get himself into the top 20 in points.

Thanks to changes in the Chase format implemented this year, he’s still got a shot, albeit a small one.

Just Jake Talkin'

Should tools with a life time warranty be depreciated? Should the manufacturer be allowed to take depreciation, they are the ones who will ultimately have to replace any broken or worn out tools.

There are tools that depreciate so fast that they are allowed as expenses. Saw blades for instance, or drill bits. Evertime such an instrument is used it grows closer to bein’ worn out. Each whole or board cut could be assigned a cost to cover the replacement.

One businessman I knew, who owned a small sundry store needed an ice machine. He put one of those coin operated timers on the wall hooked to the electricity. He put four quarters in and it would run for a day. At the end of the month, he’d retrieve the quarters and make the payment on the machine. Such a contraption on the home tv might be a rewarding proposition.

This is some fact, but mostly,

Just Jake Talkin’.

Sponsored by Metcalf Auto Supply

Weekly Column



My mom is great. I love her, and I need to know how to help her. She has a ‘74 Fiat Spider convertible. It’s adorable and fast, and she loves it. But it’s not running. AGAIN. It’s been parked for about a year or so now, covered with a tarp. The canvas roof has a hole, so it would need to be replaced. The clutch (the reason it was parked) needs to be replaced, and now the battery is dead. My dad also thinks the carburetor is shot.

My mom burst into tears at seeing its accumulated damage, and has despaired over not taking better care of it. My dad and I think we should get her a Mazda Miata. Do I try to help her keep the Fiat, or is it better to stop fighting it and let it go? -- Nora

RAY: Nora, you’ve come to the right place. It just so happens that we’ve run an identical experiment recently, involving someone who’s unnaturally attached to a decrepit Fiat Spider --

TOM: That would be me.

RAY: -- and a sympathetic, wiser, more detached family member, who replaced said Fiat with a Mazda Miata.

TOM: That would be my brother, except for the "wiser" part.

RAY: My brother has been nursing along a 1978 Fiat Spider on which almost nothing works. How do I know? Because he keeps asking me to fix it for him. I decided not to fix it anymore. And then, the next weekend, he was at a garage sale, and he found a 1993 Mazda Miata with 53,000 miles on it, for $3,000.

TOM: Yeah. I hate to admit it, but my brother’s right. Unless you’re a mechanic, or you have a brother dumb enough to chew up his knuckles for you, you’re much better off with a Miata, which will provide all the fun of the Fiat, with five times the safety, and at a fraction of the maintenance costs.

Copyright 2011, Heritage Publishing. All rights reserved.