| today's
laugh Two old guys, Abe and Sol, are sitting on a park
bench feeding pigeons and talking about baseball, like
they do every day.
Abe turns to Sol and says, "Do you
think there’s baseball in heaven?"
Sol thinks about it for a minute and
replies, "I dunno. But let’s make a deal: if I
die first, I’ll come back and tell you if
there’s baseball in heaven, and if you die first,
you do the same."
They shake on it and sadly, a few
months later, poor Abe passes on.
One day soon afterward, Sol is sitting
there feeding the pigeons by himself when he hears a
voice whisper, "Sol... Sol..."
Sol responds, "Abe! Is that
you?"
"Yes it is, Sol," whispers
Abe’s ghost.
Sol, still amazed, asks, "So, is
there baseball in heaven?"
"Well," says Abe,
"I’ve got good news and bad news."
"Gimme the good news first,"
says Sol.
Abe says, "Well... there is
baseball in heaven."
Sol says, "That’s great! What
news could be bad enough to ruin that!?"
Abe sighs and whispers,
"You’re pitching on Friday"
1911
INTERESTING MELANGE.
A Chronological Record of Events as they have
Transpired in the City and County since our last Issue.
Dr. L. D. Balfour
Says Carthage Can Get the Blair Line.
For some time past Dr. L. D. Balfour
has been interesting himself actively in a new north and
south railroad which he thinks Carthage has an excellent
chance to get. It is an extension of the well known Blair
line which now runs from Kansas City south to Osceola, a
distance of 140 miles. The Blair line people own large
interests in the Frisco and it is certain they will soon
tap the Frisco at a convenient Southwest Missouri point
for access to Kansas City.
Stockton is making a strong pull to get
the road, and will probably succeed. In that case either
Monett or Carthage will probably be the point at which
the Frisco will be tapped. Carthage could probably get it
by the right effort, and in that undertaking would
probably be seconded by Joplin, as the Frisco branch from
here to that place could be used in a connecting line to
Neosho, Pineville, Bentonville, and Rogers, Ark., parts
being already built.
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Today's Feature More Assistance
Coming.
Attorney General Chris Koster
said his office will open a Joplin site on Monday
that will provide mortgage-counseling assistance
to individuals, as well as monitor and
investigate consumer fraud. The mobile office
will be located at the Red Cross Shelter on the
Missouri Southern State University campus.
Koster said Assistant Attorneys
General and investigators will staff the mobile
office from 8:00-6:00 Monday-Fridays, so long as
the need exists for information and assistance.
"Hundreds of Joplin
homeowners have lost their homes. Many have lost
their jobs. The Attorney General’s Office
will be there to assist them in navigating
through the territory of making mortgage payments
while waiting on their insurance checks or
waiting for their employer to be back in
business," Koster said.
The Jasper County
Assessor’s Office will be set up at the
Leggett and Platt Athletic Center this week for
anyone needing to fill out the Application for
Removal of Residential Improvements Form due to a
natural disaster.
Jasper
County Jail Count
188 June 1, 2011
Total
Including Placed out of County
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 |
Just Jake
Talkin'
Mornin',
I thought there for a while
ever’thing was speedin’ up a little
ever’day. I finally realized that the
battery in my watch must be gettin’ worn
down a notch or two. Sure was a relief.
Now I’m sure I can get
another week or two out of the old workhorse.
I’ve just got to remember to add a
couple a minutes to what it reads
ever’day. A little mental calculation to
know ‘xactly what time it is.
I may just wind down with
it. Slow down a little. ‘Sides, by the
time it quits, there’ll be one day there
with an extra thirty minutes or so in it. Why
don’t they stamp somethin’ on the
outside like radios do? "Uses two type D
batteries."
I’d just pitch it and
buy one a those $4 jobs, but I still like
watches with hands on ‘em. I don’t
like bein’ around one a those watches
that thinks it smarter than I am.
This is some fact, but
mostly,
Just Jake Talkin’
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| Sponsored by
Metcalf Auto Supply |
Weekly
Column
CLICK and CLACK
TALK
CARS
Dear Tom and Ray:
I read your column all the time
and value your opinion (especially if you side
with me!). My husband (whom I call Bubba, if you
are interested) frequently will stop to let
someone else go first at intersections, when he
is the one with the right of way. He feels he is
being polite, but I, on the other hand, think it
just creates confusion and slows the flow of
traffic. What do you guys think? Thanks for
listening to my troubles! -- Anita
TOM: Does Bubba only do this
when the other driver is a cute young woman?
Because if that’s the case, we might have to
side with him.
RAY: You’re right, Anita.
One of the keys to making this whole driving
thing work is predictability. You need to be able
to predict, for instance, that an oncoming driver
is going to stay in her own lane as she drives
past you.
TOM: You need to be able to
predict, with certainty, that the person making a
left turn across your lane is going to wait until
you pass.
RAY: So when Bubba violates the
expectations of other drivers, even if he’s
just trying to be nice, he’s increasing
unpredictability. And that means someone else on
the road may be surprised by what’s
happening. Which can cause an accident.
TOM: That doesn’t mean we
shouldn’t be nice to each other on the road.
We should!
RAY: But tell Bubba that when
he has the right of way, he should take it so
that he doesn’t confuse other drivers. And
if he wants to flirt with young women at
intersections, tell him we suggest a nice, warm
smile as he drives by. And the universal hand
signal for "Call me later."
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Copyright 2011, Heritage
Publishing. All rights reserved.
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