The Mornin' Mail is published every weekday except major holidays
Thursday, June 2, 2011 Volume XIX, Number 239

did ya know?.

Did Ya Know?..Homeowners affected by the storm, Samaritan’s Purse will help you for free! Samaritan’s Purse is doing debris removal, roof tarping, using chainsaw teams for tree removal.Tornado victims needing help can either stop by our "base camp" or call the number below. based out of Forest Park Baptist Church,725 South Highview Drive (7th and Rangeline) 417-623-4606

today's laugh

Two old guys, Abe and Sol, are sitting on a park bench feeding pigeons and talking about baseball, like they do every day.

Abe turns to Sol and says, "Do you think there’s baseball in heaven?"

Sol thinks about it for a minute and replies, "I dunno. But let’s make a deal: if I die first, I’ll come back and tell you if there’s baseball in heaven, and if you die first, you do the same."

They shake on it and sadly, a few months later, poor Abe passes on.

One day soon afterward, Sol is sitting there feeding the pigeons by himself when he hears a voice whisper, "Sol... Sol..."

Sol responds, "Abe! Is that you?"

"Yes it is, Sol," whispers Abe’s ghost.

Sol, still amazed, asks, "So, is there baseball in heaven?"

"Well," says Abe, "I’ve got good news and bad news."

"Gimme the good news first," says Sol.

Abe says, "Well... there is baseball in heaven."

Sol says, "That’s great! What news could be bad enough to ruin that!?"

Abe sighs and whispers, "You’re pitching on Friday"


A Chronological Record of Events as they have Transpired in the City and County since our last Issue.

Dr. L. D. Balfour Says Carthage Can Get the Blair Line.

For some time past Dr. L. D. Balfour has been interesting himself actively in a new north and south railroad which he thinks Carthage has an excellent chance to get. It is an extension of the well known Blair line which now runs from Kansas City south to Osceola, a distance of 140 miles. The Blair line people own large interests in the Frisco and it is certain they will soon tap the Frisco at a convenient Southwest Missouri point for access to Kansas City.

Stockton is making a strong pull to get the road, and will probably succeed. In that case either Monett or Carthage will probably be the point at which the Frisco will be tapped. Carthage could probably get it by the right effort, and in that undertaking would probably be seconded by Joplin, as the Frisco branch from here to that place could be used in a connecting line to Neosho, Pineville, Bentonville, and Rogers, Ark., parts being already built.

  Today's Feature

More Assistance Coming.

Attorney General Chris Koster said his office will open a Joplin site on Monday that will provide mortgage-counseling assistance to individuals, as well as monitor and investigate consumer fraud. The mobile office will be located at the Red Cross Shelter on the Missouri Southern State University campus.

Koster said Assistant Attorneys General and investigators will staff the mobile office from 8:00-6:00 Monday-Fridays, so long as the need exists for information and assistance.

"Hundreds of Joplin homeowners have lost their homes. Many have lost their jobs. The Attorney General’s Office will be there to assist them in navigating through the territory of making mortgage payments while waiting on their insurance checks or waiting for their employer to be back in business," Koster said.


The Jasper County Assessor’s Office will be set up at the Leggett and Platt Athletic Center this week for anyone needing to fill out the Application for Removal of Residential Improvements Form due to a natural disaster.

Jasper County Jail Count

188 June 1, 2011

Total Including Placed out of County

Just Jake Talkin'

I thought there for a while ever’thing was speedin’ up a little ever’day. I finally realized that the battery in my watch must be gettin’ worn down a notch or two. Sure was a relief.

Now I’m sure I can get another week or two out of the old workhorse. I’ve just got to remember to add a couple a minutes to what it reads ever’day. A little mental calculation to know ‘xactly what time it is.

I may just wind down with it. Slow down a little. ‘Sides, by the time it quits, there’ll be one day there with an extra thirty minutes or so in it. Why don’t they stamp somethin’ on the outside like radios do? "Uses two type D batteries."

I’d just pitch it and buy one a those $4 jobs, but I still like watches with hands on ‘em. I don’t like bein’ around one a those watches that thinks it smarter than I am.

This is some fact, but mostly,

Just Jake Talkin’

Sponsored by Metcalf Auto Supply

Weekly Column



Dear Tom and Ray:

I read your column all the time and value your opinion (especially if you side with me!). My husband (whom I call Bubba, if you are interested) frequently will stop to let someone else go first at intersections, when he is the one with the right of way. He feels he is being polite, but I, on the other hand, think it just creates confusion and slows the flow of traffic. What do you guys think? Thanks for listening to my troubles! -- Anita

TOM: Does Bubba only do this when the other driver is a cute young woman? Because if that’s the case, we might have to side with him.

RAY: You’re right, Anita. One of the keys to making this whole driving thing work is predictability. You need to be able to predict, for instance, that an oncoming driver is going to stay in her own lane as she drives past you.

TOM: You need to be able to predict, with certainty, that the person making a left turn across your lane is going to wait until you pass.

RAY: So when Bubba violates the expectations of other drivers, even if he’s just trying to be nice, he’s increasing unpredictability. And that means someone else on the road may be surprised by what’s happening. Which can cause an accident.

TOM: That doesn’t mean we shouldn’t be nice to each other on the road. We should!

RAY: But tell Bubba that when he has the right of way, he should take it so that he doesn’t confuse other drivers. And if he wants to flirt with young women at intersections, tell him we suggest a nice, warm smile as he drives by. And the universal hand signal for "Call me later."

Copyright 2011, Heritage Publishing. All rights reserved.