The officer says, "I clocked you at 80
miles per hour, sir."
The driver says, "Gee, officer, I
had it on cruise control at 60, perhaps your radar needs
Not looking up from her knitting the
wife says sweetly from the passenger seat, "Now
dont be silly, dear, you know that this car
doesnt have cruise control."
As the officer writes out the ticket,
the driver looks at his wife and growls, "Cant
you keep your mouth shut for once?"
The wife smiles demurely and says,
"You should be thankful your radar detector went off
when it did."
As the officer makes out the second
ticket for the illegal radar detector unit, the man
glowers at his wife and says through clenched teeth,
"Darn it, woman, cant you keep your mouth
The officer frowns and says, "And
I notice that youre not wearing your seat belt,
sir. Thats an automatic $75 fine."
The driver says, "Yeah, well, you
see officer, I had it on, but took it off when you pulled
me over so that I could get my license out of my back
The wife says," Now, dear, you
know very well that you didnt have your seat belt
on. You never wear your seat belt when youre
And as the police officer is writing
out the third ticket the driver turns to his wife and
barks, "WHY DONT YOU SHUT UP??"
The officer looks over at the woman and
asks, "Does your husband always talk to you this
"No, officer. Only when hes
A Chronological Record of Events as they have
Transpired in the City and County since our last Issue.
A Narrow Escape.
Dave Ramsey, a miner at the Dickey
mines on the Chatham lease at Carterville was caught in a
small drift in a cave-in this morning. He was covered
with dirt up to his shoulders and was reported killed but
was finally rescued. He was only slightly bruised and
The Frisco has a large force of men at
work putting in a new turn table where the old one stood
and they expect to complete the work by tonight. The
engine will be turned around here for each return trip as
soon as the turn table is finished.
W. E. Carlson, who has been visiting
relatives and friends here for the past two weeks, leaves
tonight for Gainesville, Tex., where he has been for the
past four years working for G. C. & S. F. Railway Co.
After a few days in Gainesville, he will go to Galveston
to work for the same company.
Tomorrow Recovery Fund.
PoliticMo -With half a
million dollars left over from the Danforth
Foundation, former U.S. Senator John Danforth is
aiding in the start of a new foundation, this
time to benefit Joplin in its recovery from last
months devastating EF-5 tornado.
Danforth, a five person board,
and Sen. Roy Blunt announced the "Joplin
Tomorrow Foundation" at a news conference at
the Joplin Chamber of Commerce Monday. The
foundation is being set up to provide low and
no-interest loans to businesses recovering and
reinvesting in Joplin. The goal of the
foundation, leaders say, is not only to rebuild
Joplins businesses, but to encourage
businesses to expand and relocate.
"Were interested in
Joplin today," Blunt said of his trip
Monday, which took him to the temporary Home
Depot facility and the two hospitals, "but
were also interested in Joplin
"People are looking to the
future," Danforth said. "What can we do
in the future to make this community stronger and
better than ever?"
Danforth said his role in the
foundation will be to lead fundraising efforts in
other parts of the state in an effort to help the
business community help businesses recover from
the tragedy. More than 400 businesses were
damaged or destroyed following last months
tornado. Danforth, and other officials, stressed
that their effort will attempt to go beyond the
work federal agencies like the Small Business
Administration are already doing.
"Theres only so much
the government can do," Blunt said. "My
principle effort has been to be sure the expenses
that governments have been incurring for clean up
and overtime of employees, that were coming
in and seeing federal tax payers help local tax
payers," Blunt said.
County Jail Count
214 June 21,
Including Placed out of County
NASCAR THIS WEEK
Kurt Busch Closing
on Points Leader
For Kurt Busch, the 2011 season
has been a process of ebb and flow ... and ebb
again. Or vice-versa.
The 32-year-old Busch, the
elder of racing brothers, began the season
unofficially with a victory in the Budweiser
Shootout, followed by finishes of fifth, eighth,
ninth and seventh in the Sprint Cup seasons
first four "point races." Then he went
into a slump, with finishes of 17th, 16th, 10th,
18th, 22nd, 27th and 14th.
After the seasons first
four races, Busch stood at the top of the point
standings. Seven races later, he had fallen to
eighth. But since then, the graph has turned
upward again. Busch has finished fourth, ninth
and second in the three most-recent races,
lifting him back up to sixth in the standings,
only 35 points behind leader Carl Edwards.
Buschs disgruntlement was
obvious during the rough spots. Changes were made
in management at Penske Racing, at least partly
in response to Buschs complaints, many of
which were heard by fans over scanners during
Now, once again, Kurt Busch is
a picture of contentment, with results to back it
Edwards ran into engine trouble
at Michigan, almost erasing what had been a
comfortable edge in points. Buschs
runner-up finish at Pocono Raceway was one ahead
of younger brother Kyle.
"When the point leader has
problems, everybodys just chomping at the
bit, licking their lips, going, Wow, look
at this, Im right back in this. When
youre having good runs like we are, my
little brother and me, just plugging away, that
helps you feel more solid when you get to the
month of August, after you get through the
Brickyard, making that summer run to the
Chase," said Kurt.
Given recent performances,
"that summer run to the Chase" seems
promising for both Busch brothers.
Kurt Busch won the Cup
championship in 2004, the first year the Chase
format was implemented. At the time, he drove a
Ford for Jack Roush. Now he drives one of two
Dodges fielded by Roger Penske.
"Right now its all
about consistency," said Kurt.
"Id like to break through and get a
win just to help us feel more confident in our
"When the point leader has
trouble, everybody benefits from that."
As a kid there was always
the story of some sort of water torture used
by the "enemy."
The method was to tie a
person so water dripped from a container
steadily dropped on the head of the prisoner.
This was never tried in my
neighborhood that I was aware of, it would
just be mentioned on occasion.
I have no idea if such
methods were ever actually incorporated in
times of war, but everyone seemed to be able
to imagine the agony that would have been
involved in the seemingly painless ritual.
Mental torture was believed
to be the worst kind imaginable in our
Course all that
mental stuff went out the window while
recoupin from a good stubbed toe
bein black and blue.
This is some fact, but
Just Jake Talkin.
CLICK and CLACK
Something my wife does drives
me crazy, and I want to get your support before
pointing it out to her. Our driveway is
approximately 60 feet long and uphill. Its
fairly steep for three-quarters of the run, then
it flattens out at the top. My wife insists on
backing up the driveway to park so she can go
forward down the driveway in the morning. I think
that backing up is harder on the transmission
than driving up forward. Currently, we are
experiencing signs of transmission issues on our
2004 Volvo XC90 T6, which Ive found are
common with this particular car. But could my
wife be exacerbating the issue or causing it
directly by backing up the driveway every
evening? . -- Jackson
TOM: Im glad you wrote to
us, Jackson. That way, we can stop you from
humiliating yourself in front of your wife.
RAY: And instead allow you to
humiliate yourself in front of the whole country.
TOM: Its unlikely that
your wife had anything to do with your
transmission problem -- unless shes backing
up 60 miles a day instead of 60 feet.
RAY: In which case, shed
have a transmission problem and a stiff neck.
RAY: We know Volvo has had
trouble with the XC90 T6 transmission from your
year, and Im guessing its because the
transmission cant handle the torque that
this turbocharged engine puts out.
TOM: So you should see if your
Volvo dealer will take pity on you and help you
fix this, Jackson. Thats definitely the
person to discuss this with, rather than your
wife. Right now youve got a transmission
problem. If you blame it on your wife,
youll have a transmission problem and a
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