While getting a checkup, a man tells his doctor
that he thinks his wife is losing her hearing. The doctor
says, "You should do a simple test. Stand about 15
feet behind your wife and say honey? Move 3
feet closer and do it again. Keep moving 3 feet closer
until she finally responds." Remember how close you
were when she gives you an answer. That will help me know
how bad her hearing loss is.
About a month later the same guy is at
the doctor again and the doctor asks, "Well, did you
do that experiment with your wifes hearing?"
The man says "yes". "How close did you get
before she answered?" "Well, by the time I got
about 3 feet away she just turned around and said
"For the FIFTH TIME... WHAT???"
I just cant stop my hands
"Do you drink a lot?"
"Not really - I spill most of
A Chronological Record of Events as they have
Transpired in the City and County since our last Issue.
SMALL POX CASE LEAVES
Officer Drake found a man this morning
in the grove back of Jones Brois coal office, near
the Missouri Pacific depot, afflicted with the small pox.
He was sitting dejected in the shade and appeared to have
a rather severe case.
"I walked down from Lamar last
night," said he, "leaving there to avoid
quarantine and the pest house. I dont propose to
have any pest house business in mine."
"Well you cant do yourself
justice hiding out in groves and wayside places,"
said Officer Drake. "You will catch cold, and then
you may croke. Besides we cant allow you at large
in the city this way. Youll be treated well in the
pest house. You must either go there or get out of
The fellow thereupon started north on
the Missouri Pacific. Judging by the show the disease
made on his hands, it is a wonder he was able to use his
feet at all.
Flanigan Selected to Chair
on Legislative Research.
State Rep. Tom Flanigan,
R-Carthage, has been selected by his colleagues
to lead the Joint Committee on Legislative
Research as chairman of the committee
The Joint Committee on
Legislative Research is a non-partisan
legislative research agency that serves the
members and staff of the Missouri General
Assembly. The 20-member committee, made up of 10
members from each the House and Senate, is not a
policy making group and formulates no legislative
program. Its staff renders technical and
professional assistance as may be requested by
the General Assembly. Staff members provide bill
drafting assistance, prepare concurrent and
courtesy resolutions, operate a legislative
reference library and publish the Revised
Statutes of Missouri .
"Im honored to have
been selected by the members of the Joint
Committee as their chairman," said Flanigan.
"I look forward to working with the
committee and its hard-working staff as we
complete the work of this integral
Heard of some
interestin mergers that are bein
3M and Goodyear, if merged
could become MMMGood.
Zippo Mfg., Audi Motor Car,
Dofasco and Dakota Mining would merge to
Federal Express might join
its major competitor, UPS, and consolidate as
Polygram Records, Warner
Bros. and Zesta Crackers could join forces
and become Polly, Warner, Cracker.
Then theres the
possibility of Knotts Berry Farm and the
National Organization of Women considering a
merger to be come the famous KnottNOW.
With the market
settlin down, these combinations may be
where the big money is.
This is some fact, but
Just Jake Talkin.
To Your Good
By Paul G. Donohue,
Hepatitis C Can
Lead to Liver Cirrhosis
DEAR DR. DONOHUE: When he was
20, my son came down with hepatitis C. Hes
never said how he got it, but he was running
around with a very wild bunch then. He still has
the virus at age 27. Should he be treated? He
never was. I wonder whats in store for him,
and if he can marry and have a family. Can he? --
ANSWER: Worldwide, 175 million
people are infected with the hepatitis C virus.
In the U.S., 4 million carry it. Between 70
percent and 80 percent of infected people will
harbor the virus for life. Of that number, around
20 percent develop liver cirrhosis in 20 years,
and a smaller number are stricken with liver
cancer. Hepatitis C is the most common reason for
a liver transplant.
People catch the virus in a
number of ways. Sharing needles to inject drugs
is one way. Health-care workers can get it from
an accidental stick with a needle used on an
infected person. Before 1992, blood transfusion
was a major source of infection. Tattooing or
body piercing by unlicensed practitioners or
those who do not adhere to sterile techniques is
another route of transmission. Sex with multiple
partners is a possible way of contracting the
illness. Sex with a single partner who has the
virus is not a common route of passage. Your son
can marry and possibly but not likely infect his
wife, and will not infect his children.
This young man has to establish
himself with a doctor. Lab tests will show if his
liver is suffering any damage, and blood tests
give a reliable estimate of how great a number of
viruses is circulating in his blood. Treatment
will hinge on that information.
DEAR DR. DONOHUE: How does
someone with AIDS die? How long does one live
after being diagnosed with AIDS? DR.
ANSWER: AIDS kills in a number
of ways. It so weakens the immune system that an
infection brings death. Or the weakened immune
system allows the growth of a cancer that proves
fatal. AIDS also can interfere with the
production of proteins and other body materials
needed for life, and the person wastes away.
The incredible progress made in
the treatment of AIDS allows most infected people
to live 30 to 40 years after the diagnosis is
made, very close to a normal life.
Copyright 2011, Heritage
Publishing. All rights reserved.