The Mornin' Mail is published every weekday except major holidays
Thursday, March 10, 2011 Volume XIX, Number 180

did ya know?.

Did Ya Know?...The Carthage Humane Society is asking for donations of canned & dry dog food and old newspapers due to an unusual amount of puppies coming into the shelter. Call 358-6402

Did Ya Know?...Spare Cat Rescue will host "Tom Cat Tuesdays each Tuesday in March. Low-cost neuter clinic. Call 358-1300 for appointment.

today's laugh

There’s this little guy sitting inside a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half-an-hour.

Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down.

The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says: "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I’ll buy you another drink. I just can’t see a man crying." "No, it’s not that. Today day is the worst of my life. First, I overslept and was late to an important meeting. My boss, outrageous, fired me. When I left the building to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police, they said they could do nothing. I got a cab to return home, and after I paid the cab driver and the cab had gone, I found that I left my whole wallet in the cab. I got home only to find my wife run off. I left home and came to this bar. And when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison ..."


A man is in bed with his wife when there is a rat-a-tat-tat on the door.

He rolls over and looks at his clock, and it’s half past three in the morning. "I’m not getting out of bed at this time," he thinks, and rolls over. Then, a louder knock follows.

"Aren’t you going to answer that?" says his wife.

So he drags himself out of bed and goes downstairs. He opens the door and there is man standing at the door. It didn’t take the homeowner long to realize the man was drunk.

"Hi there," slurs the stranger. "Can you give me a push??"

"No, get lost. It’s half past three. I was in bed," says the man and slams the door. He goes back up to bed and tells his wife what happened and she says, "Dave, that wasn’t very nice of you.

Remember that night we broke down in the pouring rain on the way to pick the kids up from the baby sitter and you had to knock on that man’s house to get us started again? What would have happened if he’d told us to get lost??"

"But the guy was drunk," says the husband.

"It doesn’t matter," says the wife. "He needs our help and it would be the right thing to help him." So the husband gets out of bed again, gets dressed and goes downstairs.

He opens the door, and not being able to see the stranger anywhere he shouts, "Hey, do you still want a push??"

And he hears a voice cry out, "Yeah, please."

So, still being unable to see the stranger he shouts, "Where are you?"

And the stranger replies, "I’m over here, on your swing."


Why isn’t there mouse-flavored cat food?


A Chronological Record of Events as they have Transpired in the City and County since our last Issue.


J. P. Leggett’s Invention at the Aurora

Shooting Match—A Good Tournament.

The shooting tournament at Aurora Wednesday was well attended. Six members of the Carthage—Joplin gun club were present and made some good scores.

The new trap of J. P. Leggett of this city was used and pronounced a decided success. The electric trap requires four men to work it. Mr. Leggett’s requires the service of only two and it throws farther, with better speed and is more regular in its action. It will do the work of three of the celebrated expert traps.

Mrs. J. B. Chaffee entertained about twenty friends at bid euchre last evening in honor of her guests Mr. and Mrs. Clark of Cripple Creek. Mrs. H. M. Cornell won the prize—a handsome book bound in flexible covers.

  Today's Feature

Candidate Forum Scheduled.

City Council and School Board Elections will be held on April 5. The public will have the opportunity to meet and get to know the candidates at the Carthage Chamber of Commerce Candidate Forum on Tuesday, March 29. All candidates for Carthage City Council and the Carthage R-9 School Board have been invited to attend. This forum will have a meet-and-greet format, with each candidate having the opportunity to speak.

Candidates for Carthage City Council: 1st Ward - No candidates filed; 2nd Ward - No candidates filed; 3rd Ward - Steve Leibbrand; 4th Ward (2-year term) - Bill Welch and Dan Rife; 4th Ward (1-year term) - John Cooper and Lee Carlson; 5th Ward - Adam Givens, Ed Hardesty and Lujene Clark

Candidates for Carthage R-9 School: Board Jeff Jones - President of the Board of Education;Tony Diggs - Board of Education member; Elizabeth Streich - Candidate for Board of Education; Alan Snow - Candidate for Board of Education

The Forum will be held at 7:30 a.m. at Forest Park Carthage, 430 Forest. The public is encouraged to attend this free event.


By Monte Dutton

Jeff Gordon Puts Field on Notice


Lost perhaps in the knowledge that Jimmie Johnson has won five straight Sprint Cup championships is the fact that Jeff Gordon has won four.

Perhaps by winning at Phoenix International Raceway, Gordon served notice that he might just equal his Hendrick Motorsports’ teammate this year. Sixty-six races had passed between the 82nd and 83rd victories of Gordon’s career.

Gordon, 39, won four championships in his first nine seasons but hasn’t won any in the nine years since his most recent championship (2001).

"There was a lot of pressure on us, not just this year ... but going back the last 66 races that we have not had a win," said Gordon, "so there was a lot of pressure. ... You hear it from the media, you hear it from the fans, and it’s hard to ignore that.

"I guess every race-car driver knows that there’s going to be that time in their life when they are not going to go to victory lane again, and you don’t know when that time is going to come. I was so hoping that time was not for me now."

Gordon hadn’t gone away. He was just missing in victory lane for quite a while.

Though Gordon has never won a championship under the so-called Chase format, he made the Chase in six of its seven years, finishing second to Johnson in 2007 and third in 2009 (to Johnson) and 2004 (to Kurt Busch). Still, Gordon was winless in 2008 and 2010, winning once in 2009.

"I felt like I still have it in me," he said. "I know how passionate I am about it, but things have changed in the sport. The cars have changed. Tires have changed. Competition has changed.

"So, when you go through a streak of without winning, you think, OK, is it me or what is it? Days like (this) allow you to gain that confidence in yourself, just keep doing what you’re doing, what’s gotten you victory lane in the past, keep giving that good information, and when the tools are around you, and the chemistry is there throughout the whole team and good decisions are made, days like (this) will happen."

Simple as that.


Monte Dutton covers motorsports for The Gaston (N.C.) Gazette. E-mail Monte at

Just Jake Talkin'

Happened to catch a portion of a series on the history of firearms. As is the case with a lot a things I suppose, the machines needed to make precision parts for guns were modified from time to time to produce other products. Bicycles, sewing machines, typewriters and the such were usually manufactured near firearms facilities.

Followin’ the story made me think of current times and the development of all sorts of products that came from the space race. A lot of discoveries led to ever’day products that we now take for granted. Tang for one. ‘Course a lot of computer technology was driven by the needs of things ta be small and affordable. I’ll prob’ly never ride a space craft, or for that matter ever take another swig of that fake orange drink.

This is some fact, but mostly,

Just Jake Talkin’.

Sponsored by Metcalf Auto Supply

Weekly Columns



Dear Tom and Ray:

My dog is addicted to getting his lips on the air ducts on the dash of my car. He licks the vents feverishly, and he drools as a result. I told a friend that I think my dog is a Freon junkie. I think the dog is getting a boost of energy from the Freon by licking the air vent. My friend says, "No way." He says that Freon would not be coming out of the vents. This is a daily occurrence, as I take him across the highway to the soccer field to run. Do you think there is any Freon coming through the air vents? --Vera

RAY: No. I think the poor little guy is carsick.

Beat up old carTOM: Yeah. Dogs often drool when they’re nauseous. Or when you dangle a pork chop in front of them. But since there are no pork chops in the vicinity, I think it’s a warning sign that your puppy’s stomach contents are considering a return engagement, Vera.

RAY: He’s probably just trying to get the coolest, freshest air possible in hopes of trying to keep his kibble down until he gets to the soccer field.

TOM: So you can try driving a little slower or smoother. Or if the issue isn’t you (like people, some dogs are more sensitive to certain drivers or certain cars), you should check with your veterinarian and get Fido the canine equivalent of Dramamine. Don’t give him any human medicines, because the results could be disastrous.

RAY: Even more disastrous than cleaning dog barf off your velour upholstery. Good luck, Vera.

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