| today's
laugh This man in a Ford Granada pulls up next to a
guy in a Rolls Royce at a stop sign. Their windows are
open and he yells at the guy in the Rolls: "Hey, you
got a telephone in there?" The guy in the Rolls
says, "Yes, of course I do." "I got one
too... see?" "Uh, huh, yes, that’s very
nice." Then the man in the Granada says, "You
got a fax machine?" "Why, actually, yes, I
do." "I do too! See? It’s right
here!" "Uh-huh." The light is just about
to turn green and the guy in the Granada says, "So,
do YOU have a double bed in back there?" And the guy
in the Rolls says, "NO! Do you?" "Yep, got
my double bed right in back here — see?!" The
light turns and the man in the Granada takes off. Well,
the guy in the Rolls is not about to be one-upped, so he
goes immediately to a customizing shop and orders them to
put a double bed in back of his car. About two weeks
later, the job is finally done and he picks up his car
and drives all over town looking for the Granada. He
finally finds it parked alongside the road so he pulls
his Rolls up next to it. The windows on the Granada are
all fogged up and he feels a little awkward about it, but
he gets out of his newly modified Rolls and taps on the
foggy window of the Granada. The man in the Granada
finally opens the window a crack and peeks out. The guy
in the Rolls says, "Hey. Remember me?"
"Yeah, yeah, I remember you. What’s up?"
"Check this out — I got a double bed installed
in my Rolls." And the man in the Granada says,
"YOU GOT ME OUT OF THE SHOWER TO TELL ME
THAT?!"
There are more important things than
money, but they won’t date you if you don’t
have any
Three men walked in to a bar. You think
one of them would have seen it!
1911
INTERESTING MELANGE.
A Chronological Record of Events as they have
Transpired in the City and County since our last Issue.
NEW LIBRARY FOR
CARTHAGE.
Branch of the
Educational Extension Library at Edel’s Drug Store.
Carthage is to have a branch of the
Educational Extension Library of Chicago. Frank Edel is
to act as librarian, and the books are to be at his drug
store, where members can procure them at any time.
This library will cover a wide scope of
literature—such as history, biography, science,
etc., by standard authors. This is especially true of
fiction, as all publications of this class are of the
latest and best.
The plan upon which this library is
established is the sale of membership at $3, good for two
years, but all persons procuring membership within one
week can secure the same for $1. After that date the
regular rate will obtain.
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Today's Feature From the
Minutes: CW&EP Board Meet.
RESOLUTION OF SUPPORT FOR EARLY
SITE PERMIT FOR NUCLEAR POWER PLANT.
(2/17/2011)
"General Manager Williams
noted that the Missouri Public Utility Alliance
has requested municipals to join legislative
efforts to encourage nuclear power specifically
as a second unit at the Callaway nuclear facility
is being considered. General Manager Williams
noted that tremendous strides have been made in
the nuclear industry and it appears to be the
best option in alternatives to coal for meeting
load requirements at an economically feasible
cost.
"A motion by Ross and
seconded by Schmidt to adopt a Resolution of
Support for Early Site Permit for Nuclear Power
passed unanimously.
"General Manager Williams
reported that the recent major snow storm caused
minimal issues for the system on the water side
and no issues on the electric side.
"Renovations at the
Centennial Complex are going well with a target
completion date of late fall."
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Just Jake
Talkin'
Mornin',
So this mouse was
runnin’ along a muddy country dirt road
one day and slipped into a rut in the road. A
rabbit friend came hoppin’ by and the
mouse pleaded for the rabbit to help pull him
out of the rut.
The rabbit thinks the mouse
needs to show a little initiative and get out
on his own and hops on down the road to town.
A little later the rabbit
was in the dinner eatin’ a head a
lettuce and sees the mouse comin’ along
the edge of the road.
The rabbit steps out side
and hollers, "Though ya couldn’t
get out of the rut."
"Had to," replied
the mouse, "a car was comin’."
I suppose most follow a
narrow path, sometimes it’s a good idea
to poke your head up, just in case a Mack
truck decides to follow your lead.
This is some fact, but
mostly,
Just Jake Talkin’.
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Carthage Printing |
Weekly
Columns
HERE’S A TIP
By
JoAnn Derson
• Check your local
newspaper or city/county government for programs
that provide free or near-free water barrels.
Many areas have a program, and they really do
help keep your water costs down if you have
flowers or vegetable gardens.
• To keep the edges of
lettuce from browning, tear it or use a plastic
knife sold just for this purpose. Metal will make
the edges brown.
• "If you want
same-size cookies, roll and freeze your dough for
10-15 minutes. Most doughs will harden enough to
slice into perfectly uniform slices, and the
freezing doesn’t really affect cooking time
too much. (Watch your first batch, though.)"
-- R.L. in Missouri
• If you are reattaching a
button to shorts or pants, try using dental
floss, the unwaxed kind. It’s much stronger,
and can hold the button better than regular
thread. Use a marker to darken it if the color is
an issue.
• "Shaving cream can
be used as a spot remover for many carpets. Use
only a small amount, and follow up with a damp
cloth." -- D.L. in New Brunswick, Canada
• "To prevent a skin
from forming on the top of a can of leftover
paint, you can inflate a balloon and stick it in
the can, cut a piece of wax paper to fit or store
the can inverted, so that the skin will form on
the bottom and stay there when you flip it."
-- W.B. in Alabama
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Copyright 2011, Heritage
Publishing. All rights reserved.
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