In the middle of a forest, there was a hunter
who was suddenly confronted by a huge, mean bear.
In his fear, all attempts to shoot the
bear were unsuccessful. Finally, he turned and ran as
fast as he could. The hunter ran and ran and ran, until
he ended up at the edge of a very steep cliff. His hopes
Seeing no way out of his predicament,
and with the bear closing in rather quickly, the hunter
got down on his knees, opened his arms, and exclaimed,
"Dear God! Please give this bear some
The skies darkened and there was
lightning in the air. Just a few feet short of the
hunter, the bear came to abrupt stop, and glanced around,
Suddenly, the bear looked up into the
sky and said, "Thank you God, for the food Im
about to receive..."
There was a man who had a pool
installed. It was a very elaborate pool with tiles
imported from Russia. One day, he walked out to his
wonderful pool to find it covered with algae. He quickly
called the fellow who had installed the pool and asked
him what he should do. "Its obvious,"
said the pool man, "you need to get a couple of
porpoises." "Porpoises?" inquired the man.
"Yes, the porpoises will eat the algae, and
youll be the only person on your block to have
porpoises." So the man bought two porpoises, and
they ate the algae and gave the man someone to swim with,
that is, until the porpoises got extremely sick. The man
immediately called his friend, who was a marine
biologist. "You know," said the friend,
"if you feed porpoises seagulls, they will liven
forever." So, the man drove to a pet store that
specialized in exotic pets and bought two sacks full of
seagulls. On his way home, a disturbing message screeched
from the car radio. The announcer said that the lion had
escaped from the state zoo, but no one should worry
because the lion was quite old and had lost all of his
teeth. The man breathed a sigh of relief. When he got
home, oddly enough, the lion was sleeping on his front
porch. The man decided hed call the police later
about the lion and, seagulls in hand, stepped over the
lion. Then, the police drove up and arrested the man.
Why? For transporting gulls over the state lion for
"Please keep your dog beside you,
sir," a woman said crossly to the man sitting
opposite to her on the bench at the park. "I can
feel a flea in my shoe." "Midnight, come
here," replied the man. "This woman has
Mother rabbit to her small bunny:
"A magician pulled you out of a
hat. Now stop asking questions."
A Chronological Record of Events as they have
Transpired in the City and County since our last Issue.
Saw Production of "Woman Aginst
Woman" "Heart of Virginia" Tonight.
The Kennedy Players kept up their
record of a filled house last night at the opera house
and witnessed the five act play of "Woman against
Woman." It proved to be one of the best of the weeks
offering and gave great satisfaction to the patrons. John
J. Kennedy again proved his versatility and it is safe to
say that he is the best comedian that has ever appeared
in this city at popular prices. The specialities, too,
were unusually good.
They will conclude their engagement
this afternoon in a dramatization of Mark Twains
famous work "Tom Sawyer" and this evening they
will make their farewell appearance in the great military
play, "The Heart of Virginia," with all special
scenery and electrical effects.
Art Walk Announced.
The inaugural Art Walk on the
Historic Carthage Square will premiere on April
15th as a celebration of Spring.
The Historic Downtown Art Walk
committee announced the list of artists and
venues at a press conference on March 15. A
Thomas Hart Benton original will be on loan to
the Carthage Convention and Visitors Bureau from
the Thomas P. and Rita Benton Testamentary Trust,
UMB Bank, n.a., Trustee and available to view
during the Historic Downtown Art Walk at UMB Bank
on the Square. "We are so grateful to UMB
Bank for sharing their time, talent and treasures
while creating the Historic Downtown Art Walk. I
would like to acknowledge continued support of
the Benton family in preserving the legacy of
Thomas Hart Benton in collaboration with UMB. We
are thrilled to share this artistic opportunity
with the community and tourists," states
Wendi Douglas, Executive Director of the Carthage
For details, contact Wendi
NASCAR THIS WEEK
Its Groove Back
Merle Haggard once noted that,
among other examples, there are "two kinds
of babies to hold."
So, too, are there two kinds of
great races. Some are great because of the actual
events, and some are great because of the nature
of the stories. Many races described as great are
really just great stories. A classic example was
Dale Earnhardts only Daytona 500 victory,
in 1998. That wasnt a great race. It was a
great story because Earnhardt ended years of
adversity and bad luck at a track where his
skills were unrivaled.
Every race so far this season
has been an interesting story.
Time may largely forget that
the biggest reason Trevor Bayne won the Daytona
500 -- what put him in position to win -- was a
fateful error by David Ragan. Had Ragan not made
a crucial error on a restart, his might have been
the Cinderella story. Bayne still deserves
considerable credit for making the right
strategic move -- stifling Carl Edwards
advance -- with the race on the line and most
expecting him to mess up.
From this viewpoint, the best
race so far was in Phoenix, where Jeff Gordon
ended his long winless streak. That race had the
kind of ebb and flow, with various drivers rising
and falling and rising again, that makes for a
The most interesting aspect of
Las Vegas was an uncommon development. A mistake
with more than 100 laps remaining ended up
playing a prominent role in Edwards victory
and Tony Stewarts defeat. In an age in
which drivers routinely come from two laps down
to win, taking advantage of rather liberal NASCAR
rules, a pit-road mistake doesnt cost a
driver a race very often.
This season will produce great
races, too. Theyve already occurred
unofficially in the Budweiser Shootout and
Daytonas two qualifying races.
The mood around the sport is
upbeat, and its almost as if NASCARs
luck has turned for the better. The victory of a
20-year-old unknown in the sports biggest
race is quite a contrast to a nationally
televised 2010 version marred by faulty pavement.
The effect of each race so far
has been to create additional interest in the
next one. In short, NASCAR is building momentum
I find myself on occasion
wonderin what happened to that piece of
memorabilia I once had. Most are of no real
significance, but from time to time I wish I
knew where they ended up.
A couple a cap pistols I
had as a kid were protected for a while, but
I now have no idea where they disappeared.
A Tonka truck and the
family favorite "lung tester" were
stolen and a guitar I was particularly fond
of. An album I loaned to a friend I never saw
again. A guitar amplifier last time I heard
was in Chicago. A stereo system moved with a
family I tried to help out. A drill I forgot
to pack from a job site.
I usually think of these
things individually, but Im
startin to figure Ive lost more
stuff than I remember havin. I guess as
long as I can remember, the mind remains.
This is some fact, but
Just Jake Talkin.
Metcalf Auto Supply
CLICK and CLACK
Dear Tom and Ray:
OK. I have two sons of opposite
disposition, but who are great friends anyway. We
do as much work on cars as we can to save money
and maintain some sense that we havent been
made entirely useless by todays technology.
Alexis (No. 1 son) reads manuals carefully. Tad
(No. 2 son) uses them as flat surfaces for tools.
Recently, we replaced a water pump on
Alexis 1998 Saturn SW. But while Alexis was
reading the manual, Tad and I punctured his right
front CV boot with a screwdriver. A little grease
oozed out. The car has 240,000 miles on it. Do we
need to replace the entire joint, as some repair
shops suggest? How about a little glue, as some
websites recommend? -- Larry
RAY: Well, given that the car
has 240,000 miles on it and you punctured the CV
boot with the tip of a screwdriver, and a not a
KitchenAid Heavy Duty Mixer, Id try the
Beat up old carTOM: Heres
how you do it: First, clean the boot. Use
Brake-Kleen (which you can buy at any auto-parts
store) or some rubbing alcohol, and with some
paper towels, make sure the area around the
puncture is totally free of dirt and grease.
RAY: Once youve gotten
all the grease off, put a dollop of RTV Silicone
Adhesive right over the slit in the boot, and let
it dry for 24 hours.
TOM: Put enough RTV on there so
that it bridges the hole, but not so much that it
will make the CV boot unbalanced when its
spinning at high speeds. And then drive it for a
few days, and hope for the best.
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