The Mornin' Mail is published every weekday except major holidays
Thursday, March 17, 2011 Volume XIX, Number 185

did ya know?.

Did Ya Know?...Magic Moments Riding Therapy is currently in need of assistance for Saturday morning classes. Volunteers should be at least 14, have some horse experience. 325-4490

Did Ya Know?...Men’s Auxiliary VFW Post 2590 will host a Brunch Sunday March 20th 9:30-11:00 $5 per person. Open to the public

today's laugh

In the middle of a forest, there was a hunter who was suddenly confronted by a huge, mean bear.

In his fear, all attempts to shoot the bear were unsuccessful. Finally, he turned and ran as fast as he could. The hunter ran and ran and ran, until he ended up at the edge of a very steep cliff. His hopes were dim.

Seeing no way out of his predicament, and with the bear closing in rather quickly, the hunter got down on his knees, opened his arms, and exclaimed, "Dear God! Please give this bear some religion!"

The skies darkened and there was lightning in the air. Just a few feet short of the hunter, the bear came to abrupt stop, and glanced around, somewhat confused.

Suddenly, the bear looked up into the sky and said, "Thank you God, for the food I’m about to receive..."


There was a man who had a pool installed. It was a very elaborate pool with tiles imported from Russia. One day, he walked out to his wonderful pool to find it covered with algae. He quickly called the fellow who had installed the pool and asked him what he should do. "It’s obvious," said the pool man, "you need to get a couple of porpoises." "Porpoises?" inquired the man. "Yes, the porpoises will eat the algae, and you’ll be the only person on your block to have porpoises." So the man bought two porpoises, and they ate the algae and gave the man someone to swim with, that is, until the porpoises got extremely sick. The man immediately called his friend, who was a marine biologist. "You know," said the friend, "if you feed porpoises seagulls, they will liven forever." So, the man drove to a pet store that specialized in exotic pets and bought two sacks full of seagulls. On his way home, a disturbing message screeched from the car radio. The announcer said that the lion had escaped from the state zoo, but no one should worry because the lion was quite old and had lost all of his teeth. The man breathed a sigh of relief. When he got home, oddly enough, the lion was sleeping on his front porch. The man decided he’d call the police later about the lion and, seagulls in hand, stepped over the lion. Then, the police drove up and arrested the man. Why? For transporting gulls over the state lion for immortal porpoises.


"Please keep your dog beside you, sir," a woman said crossly to the man sitting opposite to her on the bench at the park. "I can feel a flea in my shoe." "Midnight, come here," replied the man. "This woman has fleas."


Mother rabbit to her small bunny:

"A magician pulled you out of a hat. Now stop asking questions."


A Chronological Record of Events as they have Transpired in the City and County since our last Issue.


Saw Production of "Woman Aginst Woman" — "Heart of Virginia" Tonight.

The Kennedy Players kept up their record of a filled house last night at the opera house and witnessed the five act play of "Woman against Woman." It proved to be one of the best of the weeks offering and gave great satisfaction to the patrons. John J. Kennedy again proved his versatility and it is safe to say that he is the best comedian that has ever appeared in this city at popular prices. The specialities, too, were unusually good.

They will conclude their engagement this afternoon in a dramatization of Mark Twain’s famous work "Tom Sawyer" and this evening they will make their farewell appearance in the great military play, "The Heart of Virginia," with all special scenery and electrical effects.

  Today's Feature

Art Walk Announced.


The inaugural Art Walk on the Historic Carthage Square will premiere on April 15th as a celebration of Spring.

The Historic Downtown Art Walk committee announced the list of artists and venues at a press conference on March 15. A Thomas Hart Benton original will be on loan to the Carthage Convention and Visitors Bureau from the Thomas P. and Rita Benton Testamentary Trust, UMB Bank, n.a., Trustee and available to view during the Historic Downtown Art Walk at UMB Bank on the Square. "We are so grateful to UMB Bank for sharing their time, talent and treasures while creating the Historic Downtown Art Walk. I would like to acknowledge continued support of the Benton family in preserving the legacy of Thomas Hart Benton in collaboration with UMB. We are thrilled to share this artistic opportunity with the community and tourists," states Wendi Douglas, Executive Director of the Carthage CVB.

For details, contact Wendi Douglas 417-359-8181.


By Monte Dutton

NASCAR’s Got Its Groove Back

Merle Haggard once noted that, among other examples, there are "two kinds of babies to hold."

So, too, are there two kinds of great races. Some are great because of the actual events, and some are great because of the nature of the stories. Many races described as great are really just great stories. A classic example was Dale Earnhardt’s only Daytona 500 victory, in 1998. That wasn’t a great race. It was a great story because Earnhardt ended years of adversity and bad luck at a track where his skills were unrivaled.

Every race so far this season has been an interesting story.

Time may largely forget that the biggest reason Trevor Bayne won the Daytona 500 -- what put him in position to win -- was a fateful error by David Ragan. Had Ragan not made a crucial error on a restart, his might have been the Cinderella story. Bayne still deserves considerable credit for making the right strategic move -- stifling Carl Edwards’ advance -- with the race on the line and most expecting him to mess up.

From this viewpoint, the best race so far was in Phoenix, where Jeff Gordon ended his long winless streak. That race had the kind of ebb and flow, with various drivers rising and falling and rising again, that makes for a good race.

The most interesting aspect of Las Vegas was an uncommon development. A mistake with more than 100 laps remaining ended up playing a prominent role in Edwards’ victory and Tony Stewart’s defeat. In an age in which drivers routinely come from two laps down to win, taking advantage of rather liberal NASCAR rules, a pit-road mistake doesn’t cost a driver a race very often.

This season will produce great races, too. They’ve already occurred unofficially in the Budweiser Shootout and Daytona’s two qualifying races.

The mood around the sport is upbeat, and it’s almost as if NASCAR’s luck has turned for the better. The victory of a 20-year-old unknown in the sport’s biggest race is quite a contrast to a nationally televised 2010 version marred by faulty pavement.

The effect of each race so far has been to create additional interest in the next one. In short, NASCAR is building momentum again.

Just Jake Talkin'

I find myself on occasion wonderin’ what happened to that piece of memorabilia I once had. Most are of no real significance, but from time to time I wish I knew where they ended up.

A couple a cap pistols I had as a kid were protected for a while, but I now have no idea where they disappeared.

A Tonka truck and the family favorite "lung tester" were stolen and a guitar I was particularly fond of. An album I loaned to a friend I never saw again. A guitar amplifier last time I heard was in Chicago. A stereo system moved with a family I tried to help out. A drill I forgot to pack from a job site.

I usually think of these things individually, but I’m startin’ to figure I’ve lost more stuff than I remember havin’. I guess as long as I can remember, the mind remains.

This is some fact, but mostly,

Just Jake Talkin’.

Sponsored by Metcalf Auto Supply

Weekly Columns



Dear Tom and Ray:

OK. I have two sons of opposite disposition, but who are great friends anyway. We do as much work on cars as we can to save money and maintain some sense that we haven’t been made entirely useless by today’s technology. Alexis (No. 1 son) reads manuals carefully. Tad (No. 2 son) uses them as flat surfaces for tools. Recently, we replaced a water pump on Alexis’ 1998 Saturn SW. But while Alexis was reading the manual, Tad and I punctured his right front CV boot with a screwdriver. A little grease oozed out. The car has 240,000 miles on it. Do we need to replace the entire joint, as some repair shops suggest? How about a little glue, as some websites recommend? -- Larry

RAY: Well, given that the car has 240,000 miles on it and you punctured the CV boot with the tip of a screwdriver, and a not a KitchenAid Heavy Duty Mixer, I’d try the glue first.

Beat up old carTOM: Here’s how you do it: First, clean the boot. Use Brake-Kleen (which you can buy at any auto-parts store) or some rubbing alcohol, and with some paper towels, make sure the area around the puncture is totally free of dirt and grease.

RAY: Once you’ve gotten all the grease off, put a dollop of RTV Silicone Adhesive right over the slit in the boot, and let it dry for 24 hours.

TOM: Put enough RTV on there so that it bridges the hole, but not so much that it will make the CV boot unbalanced when it’s spinning at high speeds. And then drive it for a few days, and hope for the best.

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