The Mornin' Mail is published every weekday except major holidays
Thursday, March 24, 2011 Volume XIX, Number 190

did ya know?.

Did Ya Know?...Magic Moments Riding Therapy is currently in need of assistance for Saturday morning classes. Volunteers should be at least 14, have some horse experience. 325-4490

today's laugh

QUESTION: Why did the chicken cross the road?


Pat Buchanan: To steal a job from a decent, hard-working American.

Machiavelli: The point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who cares why? The ends of crossing the road justify whatever motive there was.

Timothy Leary: Because that’s the only kind of trip the Establishment would let it take.

The Bible: And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the Chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.

Fox Mulder: It was a government conspiracy.

Darwin: Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally selected in such a way that they are now genetically predisposed to cross roads

Richard M. Nixon: The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken did not cross the road.

Oliver Stone: The question is not "Why did the chicken cross the road?" but is rather "Who was crossing the road at the same time whom we overlooked in our haste to observe the chicken crossing?"

Jerry Seinfeld: Why does anyone cross a road? I mean, why doesn’t anyone ever think to ask, "What the heck was this chicken doing walking around all over the place anyway?"

Bill Gates: I have just released the new Chicken 2000, which will both cross roads AND balance your checkbook, though when it divides 3 by 2 it gets 1.4999999999.

M.C.Escher: That depends on which plane of reality the chicken was on at the time.

George Orwell: Because the government had fooled him into thinking that he was crossing the road of his own free will, when he was really only serving their interests.

Colonel Sanders: I missed one?

Plato: For the greater good.

Aristotle: To actualize its potential.

Jean-Paul Sartre: In order to act in good faith and be true to itself, the chicken found it necessary to cross the road.

Albert Einstein: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.

The Sphinx: You tell me.

Buddha: If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken nature.

Emily Dickenson: Because it could not stop for death.

Ralph Waldo Emerson: It didn’t cross the road; it transcended it.

Ernest Hemingway: To die. In the rain.

Dr. Seuss: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes the chicken crossed the road, but why he crossed, I’ve not been told!


A Chronological Record of Events as they have Transpired in the City and County since our last Issue.

Choir Concert Last Night.

The concert at the First Methodist church last night, under the auspices of the choir, was well attended and much enjoyed. It had been postponed from last month, on account of rain on the former date. Last evening the weather was perfect.

Miss Harriet Sewall, who was on the programme for readings, could not take part on account of a bad cold and sore throat. Miss Lottie Putnam filled this place in the order of exercises with most excellent effect.

The first number on the programme was a piano solo by Miss Johanna Meyer. The playing of Miss Meyer was one of the very pleasing features of the evening. She studied four years under Prof. W. L. Calhoun of this city, and three years under Prof. Reno B. Myers at Finley, Ohio. The latter was formerly located at Carthage. Miss Meyer showed great skill and eduction in her line. She first rendered "Sonata Pathetique," by Beethoven.

  Today's Feature

Master Gardeners Complete Training

Twenty-two area residents have completed the University of Missouri Extension Master Gardener training in Carthage. The Master Gardener program is for people who may or may not have gardening experience, but are eager to acquire knowledge and share it with others. They have completed approximately 30 hours of training including topics such as vegetable and fruit production, insects, lawn care, trees and plant diseases. At the end of the training, they are asked to provide 30 hours of volunteer service to their communities during the coming year. The program is sponsored locally by the Jasper County University of Missouri Extension Council.

Additional information about the program can be obtained by contacting the Jasper County University of Missouri Extension Center in Carthage at 417-358-2158 or by stopping at the Jasper County University of Missouri Extension Center in the basement of the Jasper County Courthouse in Carthage..

A Master Gardener will be available to answer questions on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays from 9:00 a.m. until 1:00 p.m. The Helpline will begin April 11.


By Monte Dutton

Todd Bodine Keeps on Trucking

Todd Bodine is the reigning champion of the Camping World Truck Series. In the past six seasons, he has won two championships and never finished lower than fourth in the season standings.

Though he is coming off a third-place finish at Darlington Raceway on March 12, Bodine faces challenges in defending his 2010 championship. It remains a struggle to secure enough sponsorship for his Germain Racing Toyota.

"We’re not even close to set," said Bodine. "Tire Kingdom ... I think they’re going to do four more (races). Valvoline’s going to do a couple, and now we have one with Georgia Boot. We’ve still got a lot of races that we need to get sponsorship for.

"It’s going to get better. I keep saying that since the end of last year, but it’s going to get better. I think, by the end of the season, you’re going to see a lot of things happening with sponsors, and a lot of these corporations are going to start cutting loose with some of their marketing money and swinging it our way."

Bodine, 47, is the youngest of three racing brothers. Unlike Geoff and Brett, Todd has never won at the Sprint Cup level, though he has finished in the top five seven times. With 21 career Truck victories, Bodine ranks fifth all-time.

"So far, our luck has just been horrible," said Bodine of the current season to date. "Our philosophy is to go every week, do the best we can and what happens, happens. You can’t control everything. We’re pleased with our performance.

"The state of the series is pretty obvious. We’ve got probably the best field of trucks that we’ve ever seen in the history of the series, and we have a lot of younger kids coming in. The experience level may be down a little bit, but we’ve got a lot of kids who have a lot of talent and a lot of future and a lot of promise. The state of the series is strong ... really strong."

The winners of the season’s first three races -- Michael Waltrip, Kyle Busch and Kasey Kahne -- do not compete for the championship. Bodine takes little consolation in that.

"We’re here to win, not to finish second," he said.


Monte Dutton covers motorsports for The Gaston (N.C.) Gazette.

Just Jake Talkin'

I saw a stove the other day that looked interestin’. Instead of burning regular fire wood, it was built ta burn little pellets. Ya buy ‘em in forty pound bags and just dump ‘em in the bin.

I can ‘member when they started makin’ pellets outa alfalfa. Dehydratin’ hay and puttin’ it in bags.

I suppose it wasn’t much of a threat in the overall scheme of things, but for a kid countin’ on summer hayin’ money, it never seemed like a good idea ta feed cows manufactured alfalfa.

What they need ta come up with is a safe way ta use the real renewable source, cow chip pellets. Get total use outa all that alfalfa.

This is some fact, but mostly,

Just Jake Talkin’.

Sponsored by Carthage Printing

Weekly Columns




Dear Tom and Ray:

I bought a used 2007 Nissan Maxima SE last June. I love my car! The problem is the tires. I knew nothing about "low profile" tires until after I bought the car, and now that they have been brought to my attention, I have done a little research. Among other problems with the low profiles, they handle poorly in snow and ice. I live in the Boston area, so snow and ice are a common occurrence in the winter. I was wondering if there is a way to replace my wheels and tires to be able to put regular tires on the car. Could it be as simple as switching to the tires that run on the SL model? Thank you for any input. -- Leigh

TOM: Well, first we should explain to everyone else what a "profile" is on a tire. It doesn’t have a beak, like my brother’s profile does.

RAY: No, a tire’s profile refers to the height of the sidewall. On a tire with an aspect ratio (profile) of 65, the sidewall’s height is 65 percent of the tire’s width. 60 or 65 is a normal tire. Fifty and 45 would be considered low-profile, and would have a shorter sidewall.

TOM: But, in our opinion, the disadvantages of low-profile tires generally outweigh the advantages. Low-profile tires give you a harder and noisier ride. We recommend that you stick with one of the wheel/tire size options offered by the manufacturer.

RAY: But since winter driving is your greatest concern, our advice would be to buy yourself four good snow tires and four new wheels to go with them, and use those in the winter. They’ll have to be the same size as the wheels and tires you have now, but since they’re designed for snow and ice, they’ll give you much, much better handling in winter weather.

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