| today's
        laugh QUESTION: Why did the chicken cross the road? Answers: Pat Buchanan: To steal a job from a
        decent, hard-working American. Machiavelli: The point is that the
        chicken crossed the road. Who cares why? The ends of
        crossing the road justify whatever motive there was. Timothy Leary: Because thats the
        only kind of trip the Establishment would let it take. The Bible: And God came down from the
        heavens, and He said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt
        cross the road." And the Chicken crossed the road,
        and there was much rejoicing. Fox Mulder: It was a government
        conspiracy. Darwin: Chickens, over great periods of
        time, have been naturally selected in such a way that
        they are now genetically predisposed to cross roads Richard M. Nixon: The chicken did not
        cross the road. I repeat, the chicken did not cross the
        road. Oliver Stone: The question is not
        "Why did the chicken cross the road?" but is
        rather "Who was crossing the road at the same time
        whom we overlooked in our haste to observe the chicken
        crossing?" Jerry Seinfeld: Why does anyone cross a
        road? I mean, why doesnt anyone ever think to ask,
        "What the heck was this chicken doing walking around
        all over the place anyway?" Bill Gates: I have just released the
        new Chicken 2000, which will both cross roads AND balance
        your checkbook, though when it divides 3 by 2 it gets
        1.4999999999. M.C.Escher: That depends on which plane
        of reality the chicken was on at the time. George Orwell: Because the government
        had fooled him into thinking that he was crossing the
        road of his own free will, when he was really only
        serving their interests. Colonel Sanders: I missed one? Plato: For the greater good. Aristotle: To actualize its potential. Jean-Paul Sartre: In order to act in
        good faith and be true to itself, the chicken found it
        necessary to cross the road. Albert Einstein: Whether the chicken
        crossed the road or the road crossed the chicken depends
        upon your frame of reference. The Sphinx: You tell me. Buddha: If you ask this question, you
        deny your own chicken nature. Emily Dickenson: Because it could not
        stop for death. Ralph Waldo Emerson: It didnt
        cross the road; it transcended it. Ernest Hemingway: To die. In the rain. Dr. Seuss: Did the chicken cross the
        road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes the chicken
        crossed the road, but why he crossed, Ive not been
        told! 
 1911 INTERESTING MELANGE.
 A Chronological Record of Events as they have
        Transpired in the City and County since our last Issue.
 Choir Concert Last
        Night. The concert at the First Methodist
        church last night, under the auspices of the choir, was
        well attended and much enjoyed. It had been postponed
        from last month, on account of rain on the former date.
        Last evening the weather was perfect. Miss Harriet Sewall, who was on the
        programme for readings, could not take part on account of
        a bad cold and sore throat. Miss Lottie Putnam filled
        this place in the order of exercises with most excellent
        effect. The first number on the programme was a
        piano solo by Miss Johanna Meyer. The playing of Miss
        Meyer was one of the very pleasing features of the
        evening. She studied four years under Prof. W. L. Calhoun
        of this city, and three years under Prof. Reno B. Myers
        at Finley, Ohio. The latter was formerly located at
        Carthage. Miss Meyer showed great skill and eduction in
        her line. She first rendered "Sonata
        Pathetique," by Beethoven. 
            
                |  | Today's Feature Master Gardeners
                Complete Training Twenty-two area residents have
                completed the University of Missouri Extension
                Master Gardener training in Carthage. The Master
                Gardener program is for people who may or may not
                have gardening experience, but are eager to
                acquire knowledge and share it with others. They
                have completed approximately 30 hours of training
                including topics such as vegetable and fruit
                production, insects, lawn care, trees and plant
                diseases. At the end of the training, they are
                asked to provide 30 hours of volunteer service to
                their communities during the coming year. The
                program is sponsored locally by the Jasper County
                University of Missouri Extension Council.  Additional information about
                the program can be obtained by contacting the
                Jasper County University of Missouri Extension
                Center in Carthage at 417-358-2158 or by stopping
                at the Jasper County University of Missouri
                Extension Center in the basement of the Jasper
                County Courthouse in Carthage..  A Master Gardener will be
                available to answer questions on Mondays,
                Wednesdays and Fridays from 9:00 a.m. until 1:00
                p.m. The Helpline will begin April 11. 
 NASCAR THIS WEEK By
                Monte Dutton Todd Bodine Keeps
                on Trucking Todd Bodine is the reigning
                champion of the Camping World Truck Series. In
                the past six seasons, he has won two
                championships and never finished lower than
                fourth in the season standings. Though he is coming off a
                third-place finish at Darlington Raceway on March
                12, Bodine faces challenges in defending his 2010
                championship. It remains a struggle to secure
                enough sponsorship for his Germain Racing Toyota. "Were not even close
                to set," said Bodine. "Tire Kingdom ...
                I think theyre going to do four more
                (races). Valvolines going to do a couple,
                and now we have one with Georgia Boot. Weve
                still got a lot of races that we need to get
                sponsorship for. "Its going to get
                better. I keep saying that since the end of last
                year, but its going to get better. I think,
                by the end of the season, youre going to
                see a lot of things happening with sponsors, and
                a lot of these corporations are going to start
                cutting loose with some of their marketing money
                and swinging it our way." Bodine, 47, is the youngest of
                three racing brothers. Unlike Geoff and Brett,
                Todd has never won at the Sprint Cup level,
                though he has finished in the top five seven
                times. With 21 career Truck victories, Bodine
                ranks fifth all-time. "So far, our luck has just
                been horrible," said Bodine of the current
                season to date. "Our philosophy is to go
                every week, do the best we can and what happens,
                happens. You cant control everything.
                Were pleased with our performance. "The state of the series
                is pretty obvious. Weve got probably the
                best field of trucks that weve ever seen in
                the history of the series, and we have a lot of
                younger kids coming in. The experience level may
                be down a little bit, but weve got a lot of
                kids who have a lot of talent and a lot of future
                and a lot of promise. The state of the series is
                strong ... really strong." The winners of the
                seasons first three races -- Michael
                Waltrip, Kyle Busch and Kasey Kahne -- do not
                compete for the championship. Bodine takes little
                consolation in that. "Were here to win,
                not to finish second," he said. *** Monte Dutton covers motorsports
                for The Gaston (N.C.) Gazette. 
 |  
                |  | Just Jake
                Talkin' Mornin',
 
                    I saw a stove the other day
                    that looked interestin. Instead of
                    burning regular fire wood, it was built ta
                    burn little pellets. Ya buy em in forty
                    pound bags and just dump em in the bin. I can member when
                    they started makin pellets outa
                    alfalfa. Dehydratin hay and
                    puttin it in bags. I suppose it wasnt
                    much of a threat in the overall scheme of
                    things, but for a kid countin on summer
                    hayin money, it never seemed like a
                    good idea ta feed cows manufactured alfalfa. What they need ta come up
                    with is a safe way ta use the real renewable
                    source, cow chip pellets. Get total use outa
                    all that alfalfa. This is some fact, but
                    mostly, Just Jake Talkin. 
 |  
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                Carthage Printing | 
 Weekly
                Columns CLICK and CLACK TALK
                CARS   Dear Tom and Ray: I bought a used 2007 Nissan
                Maxima SE last June. I love my car! The problem
                is the tires. I knew nothing about "low
                profile" tires until after I bought the car,
                and now that they have been brought to my
                attention, I have done a little research. Among
                other problems with the low profiles, they handle
                poorly in snow and ice. I live in the Boston
                area, so snow and ice are a common occurrence in
                the winter. I was wondering if there is a way to
                replace my wheels and tires to be able to put
                regular tires on the car. Could it be as simple
                as switching to the tires that run on the SL
                model? Thank you for any input. -- Leigh TOM: Well, first we should
                explain to everyone else what a
                "profile" is on a tire. It doesnt
                have a beak, like my brothers profile does. RAY: No, a tires profile
                refers to the height of the sidewall. On a tire
                with an aspect ratio (profile) of 65, the
                sidewalls height is 65 percent of the
                tires width. 60 or 65 is a normal tire.
                Fifty and 45 would be considered low-profile, and
                would have a shorter sidewall. TOM: But, in our opinion, the
                disadvantages of low-profile tires generally
                outweigh the advantages. Low-profile tires give
                you a harder and noisier ride. We recommend that
                you stick with one of the wheel/tire size options
                offered by the manufacturer. RAY: But since winter driving
                is your greatest concern, our advice would be to
                buy yourself four good snow tires and four new
                wheels to go with them, and use those in the
                winter. Theyll have to be the same size as
                the wheels and tires you have now, but since
                theyre designed for snow and ice,
                theyll give you much, much better handling
                in winter weather. |  Copyright 2011, Heritage
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