QUESTION: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Pat Buchanan: To steal a job from a
decent, hard-working American.
Machiavelli: The point is that the
chicken crossed the road. Who cares why? The ends of
crossing the road justify whatever motive there was.
Timothy Leary: Because thats the
only kind of trip the Establishment would let it take.
The Bible: And God came down from the
heavens, and He said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt
cross the road." And the Chicken crossed the road,
and there was much rejoicing.
Fox Mulder: It was a government
Darwin: Chickens, over great periods of
time, have been naturally selected in such a way that
they are now genetically predisposed to cross roads
Richard M. Nixon: The chicken did not
cross the road. I repeat, the chicken did not cross the
Oliver Stone: The question is not
"Why did the chicken cross the road?" but is
rather "Who was crossing the road at the same time
whom we overlooked in our haste to observe the chicken
Jerry Seinfeld: Why does anyone cross a
road? I mean, why doesnt anyone ever think to ask,
"What the heck was this chicken doing walking around
all over the place anyway?"
Bill Gates: I have just released the
new Chicken 2000, which will both cross roads AND balance
your checkbook, though when it divides 3 by 2 it gets
M.C.Escher: That depends on which plane
of reality the chicken was on at the time.
George Orwell: Because the government
had fooled him into thinking that he was crossing the
road of his own free will, when he was really only
serving their interests.
Colonel Sanders: I missed one?
Plato: For the greater good.
Aristotle: To actualize its potential.
Jean-Paul Sartre: In order to act in
good faith and be true to itself, the chicken found it
necessary to cross the road.
Albert Einstein: Whether the chicken
crossed the road or the road crossed the chicken depends
upon your frame of reference.
The Sphinx: You tell me.
Buddha: If you ask this question, you
deny your own chicken nature.
Emily Dickenson: Because it could not
stop for death.
Ralph Waldo Emerson: It didnt
cross the road; it transcended it.
Ernest Hemingway: To die. In the rain.
Dr. Seuss: Did the chicken cross the
road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes the chicken
crossed the road, but why he crossed, Ive not been
A Chronological Record of Events as they have
Transpired in the City and County since our last Issue.
Choir Concert Last
The concert at the First Methodist
church last night, under the auspices of the choir, was
well attended and much enjoyed. It had been postponed
from last month, on account of rain on the former date.
Last evening the weather was perfect.
Miss Harriet Sewall, who was on the
programme for readings, could not take part on account of
a bad cold and sore throat. Miss Lottie Putnam filled
this place in the order of exercises with most excellent
The first number on the programme was a
piano solo by Miss Johanna Meyer. The playing of Miss
Meyer was one of the very pleasing features of the
evening. She studied four years under Prof. W. L. Calhoun
of this city, and three years under Prof. Reno B. Myers
at Finley, Ohio. The latter was formerly located at
Carthage. Miss Meyer showed great skill and eduction in
her line. She first rendered "Sonata
Pathetique," by Beethoven.
Twenty-two area residents have
completed the University of Missouri Extension
Master Gardener training in Carthage. The Master
Gardener program is for people who may or may not
have gardening experience, but are eager to
acquire knowledge and share it with others. They
have completed approximately 30 hours of training
including topics such as vegetable and fruit
production, insects, lawn care, trees and plant
diseases. At the end of the training, they are
asked to provide 30 hours of volunteer service to
their communities during the coming year. The
program is sponsored locally by the Jasper County
University of Missouri Extension Council.
Additional information about
the program can be obtained by contacting the
Jasper County University of Missouri Extension
Center in Carthage at 417-358-2158 or by stopping
at the Jasper County University of Missouri
Extension Center in the basement of the Jasper
County Courthouse in Carthage..
A Master Gardener will be
available to answer questions on Mondays,
Wednesdays and Fridays from 9:00 a.m. until 1:00
p.m. The Helpline will begin April 11.
NASCAR THIS WEEK
Todd Bodine Keeps
Todd Bodine is the reigning
champion of the Camping World Truck Series. In
the past six seasons, he has won two
championships and never finished lower than
fourth in the season standings.
Though he is coming off a
third-place finish at Darlington Raceway on March
12, Bodine faces challenges in defending his 2010
championship. It remains a struggle to secure
enough sponsorship for his Germain Racing Toyota.
"Were not even close
to set," said Bodine. "Tire Kingdom ...
I think theyre going to do four more
(races). Valvolines going to do a couple,
and now we have one with Georgia Boot. Weve
still got a lot of races that we need to get
"Its going to get
better. I keep saying that since the end of last
year, but its going to get better. I think,
by the end of the season, youre going to
see a lot of things happening with sponsors, and
a lot of these corporations are going to start
cutting loose with some of their marketing money
and swinging it our way."
Bodine, 47, is the youngest of
three racing brothers. Unlike Geoff and Brett,
Todd has never won at the Sprint Cup level,
though he has finished in the top five seven
times. With 21 career Truck victories, Bodine
ranks fifth all-time.
"So far, our luck has just
been horrible," said Bodine of the current
season to date. "Our philosophy is to go
every week, do the best we can and what happens,
happens. You cant control everything.
Were pleased with our performance.
"The state of the series
is pretty obvious. Weve got probably the
best field of trucks that weve ever seen in
the history of the series, and we have a lot of
younger kids coming in. The experience level may
be down a little bit, but weve got a lot of
kids who have a lot of talent and a lot of future
and a lot of promise. The state of the series is
strong ... really strong."
The winners of the
seasons first three races -- Michael
Waltrip, Kyle Busch and Kasey Kahne -- do not
compete for the championship. Bodine takes little
consolation in that.
"Were here to win,
not to finish second," he said.
Monte Dutton covers motorsports
for The Gaston (N.C.) Gazette.
I saw a stove the other day
that looked interestin. Instead of
burning regular fire wood, it was built ta
burn little pellets. Ya buy em in forty
pound bags and just dump em in the bin.
I can member when
they started makin pellets outa
alfalfa. Dehydratin hay and
puttin it in bags.
I suppose it wasnt
much of a threat in the overall scheme of
things, but for a kid countin on summer
hayin money, it never seemed like a
good idea ta feed cows manufactured alfalfa.
What they need ta come up
with is a safe way ta use the real renewable
source, cow chip pellets. Get total use outa
all that alfalfa.
This is some fact, but
Just Jake Talkin.
CLICK and CLACK
Dear Tom and Ray:
I bought a used 2007 Nissan
Maxima SE last June. I love my car! The problem
is the tires. I knew nothing about "low
profile" tires until after I bought the car,
and now that they have been brought to my
attention, I have done a little research. Among
other problems with the low profiles, they handle
poorly in snow and ice. I live in the Boston
area, so snow and ice are a common occurrence in
the winter. I was wondering if there is a way to
replace my wheels and tires to be able to put
regular tires on the car. Could it be as simple
as switching to the tires that run on the SL
model? Thank you for any input. -- Leigh
TOM: Well, first we should
explain to everyone else what a
"profile" is on a tire. It doesnt
have a beak, like my brothers profile does.
RAY: No, a tires profile
refers to the height of the sidewall. On a tire
with an aspect ratio (profile) of 65, the
sidewalls height is 65 percent of the
tires width. 60 or 65 is a normal tire.
Fifty and 45 would be considered low-profile, and
would have a shorter sidewall.
TOM: But, in our opinion, the
disadvantages of low-profile tires generally
outweigh the advantages. Low-profile tires give
you a harder and noisier ride. We recommend that
you stick with one of the wheel/tire size options
offered by the manufacturer.
RAY: But since winter driving
is your greatest concern, our advice would be to
buy yourself four good snow tires and four new
wheels to go with them, and use those in the
winter. Theyll have to be the same size as
the wheels and tires you have now, but since
theyre designed for snow and ice,
theyll give you much, much better handling
in winter weather.
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