A young woman went to her doctor complaining of
"Where are you hurting?"
asked the doctor."You have to help me, I hurt all
over", said the woman.
"What do you mean, all over?"
asked the doctor, "be a little more specific."
The woman touched her right knee with
her index finger and yelled, "Ow, that hurts."
Then she touched her left cheek and again yelled,
"Ouch! That hurts, too." Then she touched her
right earlobe, "Ow, even THAT hurts", she
cried. The doctor checked her thoughtfully for a moment
and told her his diagnosis, "You have a broken
Doctor, Doctor I think I need glasses.
You certainly do, sir, this is a fish
and chip shop!
A woman goes to her doctor. She has a
breadstick up her nose, a potato in her right ear and
string bean in her left ear.
She says, "Doctor, can you help
me? I dont feel well, and I cannot figure out
"Well, you are not eating
A Chronological Record of Events as they have
Transpired in the City and County since our last Issue.
POOR FARM CROWDED.
Mr. J. L. Nall the recently appointed
superintendent of the county poor farm assumed his new
duties today and has moved his family to that place.
Judge W. R. Schooler of the county court took the usual
invoice on Saturday preparatory to the departure of Supt.
Rosengrant and the advent of Mr. Nall.
Dr. Flower, the county physician, says
that there are now 58 inmates at the farm and that they
are very much crowded. There are comfortable quarters for
not more than 50 inmates.
A woman from Carthage who is unable to
take care of herself and is destitute has made
application for admission, but there is no room for her.
She has already been in the past supported by a sister
who took in washing. Now the sister is down with
rheumatism, so she is unable to work, and they are both
dependant upon neighbors for food and clothes.
CHECK-OFF FUNDS ARE USED.
The Childrens Trust Fund
(CTF), Missouris Foundation for Child Abuse
Prevention, was the first State Income Tax
Check-off in 1984. CTF receives no general
revenue, the money received through the check-off
program remains an important source of donations.
CTF uses the Tax check-off
funding to support community-based organizations
throughout the state that in turn support
children and strengthen their families by
incorporating five protective factors:
1. Nurturing and Attachment: A
childs early experience of being nurtured
and developing a bond with his parents or other
caring adult affects all aspects of behavior and
2. Knowledge of Parenting and
of Child and Youth Development: Discipline is
both more effective and more nurturing when
parents know how to set and enforce limits and
encourage appropriate behaviors based on the
childs age and level of development.
3. Parental Resilience: Parents
who are emotionally resilient have a positive
attitude, creatively solve problems, and
effectively address challenges and deal with
stress are less likely to direct anger, blame and
frustration at their children.
4. Social Connections: Many
parents often find themselves isolated. Trusted
and caring family and friends provide emotional
support to parents by offering encouragement and
assistance in facing the daily challenges of
raising a family.
5. Concrete Supports for
Parents: Parents need basic resources such as
food, clothing, housing, transportation and
access to essential services to ensure the health
and well being of their children.
Many of the community-based
prevention programs that CTF supports include:
safe crib/safe sleep, crisis nurseries, home
visitation, parent education, grandparent
support, mentoring for teens, infant nurturing,
as well as public awareness campaigns that
address the dangers of shaking a baby, never
leaving children unattended in vehicles,
emotional abuse prevention, and parenting with
Those wishing to help prevent
child abuse and neglect can use the check-off box
on State tax return or making a tax deductible
gift to CTF. Taxpayers not eligible to receive a
refund may also make a donation when filing.
Contact an accountant for additional information
or visit www.ctf4kids.org for more information.
NASCAR THIS WEEK
Where Did All the
BRISTOL, Tenn. -- When I first
began writing about NASCAR, the track in North
Wilkesboro had 60,000 seats. Then Bruton Smith
and Bob Bahre carved it up as if they were
diplomats playing Monopoly with conquered land,
and the capacity was revealed to be 37,000. Same
when International Speedway Corporation got its
hands on Martinsville and alleged attendance
dropped by a third even though the grandstands
remained the same.
Old newsreels of Darlington in
the 1960s claim 80,000 fans. Now the track has
three times as many seats and draws 20,000 fewer
fans. I know people have gotten larger, myself
notably included, but not that much.
Forgive me if I dont take
what NASCAR types tell me at face value.
Bristol once allowed as how it
had a six-year waiting list for tickets. Fontana
blamed the Academy Awards for falling attendance.
NASCAR itself claims its going to put
carburetor restrictor plates on engines that
dont have carburetors next year.
Nineteen years in Wonderland, a
few with Alice sitting next to me in the press
box, have left me just a tad cynical where the
Greater NASCAR Chamber of Commerce is concerned.
Before I feel inclined to dwell not on "the
people who werent there" at Bristol
Motor Speedway but the "120,000 who
were," Id have to believe in the
existence of 120,000, which I dont. I could
argue successfully to a jury the wisdom of not
believing a word I hear, but Im not
inclined to do so in part because journalism is
more difficult when it dwells on what isnt
instead of what is. To do so would be to adapt
NASCARs business practices to my own.
A lot of the people who
werent in the grandstands also werent
in the campgrounds surrounding the track. Some of
that is surely attributable to the economy, the
price of gas and everything it affects (which is
... everything), the uncertainty of the world
political situation, flooding in New Zealand and
catastrophe in Japan.
But I doubt 50,000 race fans
spent Sunday collecting foodstuffs for disaster
The more I think about it, the
more I believe that one factor is the aging fan
base. The more I think about it, the more I
believe that the people missing from the
grandstands were the people missing from the
The crowd isnt as rowdy
because it isnt as young. A man gets up in
his 50s and he isnt inclined to rough it as
much. Where five years ago, he (and, yes, she)
stumbled around for three days and three nights,
eschewing shirts and showers in favor of booze
and carousing, nowadays the mantra is
"lets not and say we did." That
couch feels a lot better on race days than the
cold, hard ground and navigating the bonfires
from inside a fishbowl.
Six or seven years ago, NASCAR
claimed most of its fans were God-fearing,
gun-toting, Rhodes scholars with family values, a
successful practice and a six-figure income.
There were 75 million of them watching on TV,
even though only a couple dozen such people
Some church bulletin
announcements (supposedly authentic):
"The cost for
attending the Fasting and Prayer Conference
"Dont Let worry
kill you off - let the Church help."
"For those of you who
have children and dont know it, we have
a nursery downstairs."
"Eight new choir robes
are currently needed, due to the addition of
several new members and to the deterioration
of some older ones."
"Low Self Esteem
Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 P.M.
Please use the back door. The eighth-graders
will be presenting Shakespeares Hamlet
in the Church basement Friday. The
Congregation is invited to attend this
This is some fact, but
Just Jake Talkin.
Metcalf Auto Supply
CLICK and CLACK
Dear Tom and Ray:
I have a 97 Honda CR-V
that has a persistent problem: The front wheels
keep falling off. First the left front wheel fell
off while turning left at an intersection. Then
the right one fell off while traveling 50 mph on
a state highway. Luckily, there was a cop behind
me when it happened, and he flipped on his lights
while I struggled to the shoulder. Finally, a few
days ago, the left front wheel fell off again,
while I was turning left to go out of my
neighbors driveway. My question is, Are
Honda CR-Vs known for this sort of behavior? My
various mechanics have claimed theres a
design flaw that leaves the weight of the car
resting on the lower ball joint at the wheels. Is
this in fact the case, and have other CR-Vs
dropped a wheel or two? -- Jerome
RAY: Not that we know of,
Jerome. Generally, there are two things that
cause wheels to fall off: One, theyre not
put on correctly (the lug nuts are either not
tightened, or theyre overtightened, causing
the wheel bolts to break), or two, the ball
TOM: Were not aware of
any defects or chronic problems with CR-V ball
joints. In fact, we almost never replace them,
and weve been seeing CR-Vs in the shop for
well over a decade.
RAY: You dont say how
many miles are on the car. And the fact is, any
cars ball joints will wear out eventually.
So if youve got 120,000 or 180,000 miles on
this heap, then yes, it makes sense that a ball
joint could break. But thats unlikely to
happen twice on one wheel.
TOM: So Im leaning more
toward human error. Rather than ball joints,
Id look instead at the possibility that
someone is overtightening your wheel nuts.
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