| today's
laugh One day, Murphy and O’Brien went deer
hunting in the woods. They sit in the woods for hours,
when suddenly this humongous buck comes into view. With a
nice clean shot, O’Brien bangs the buck. They drag
it back to camp by the butt, but the antlers keep getting
stuck. Another hunter says, "You guys should drag it
by the antlers. It won’t get stuck." They do,
and Murphy yells, "Hey, he was right. He is not
getting stuck." O’Brien replies, "Yeah,
but we’re getting farther away from camp."
A man and a woman who have never met
before find themselves in the same sleeping carriage of a
train. After the initial embarrassment, they both manage
to get to sleep; the woman on the top bunk, the man on
the lower.
In the middle of the night the woman
leans over and says, "I’m sorry to bother you,
but I’m awfully cold and I was wondering if you
could possibly pass me another blanket."
The man leans out and with a glint in
his eye said "I’ve got a better idea ...
let’s pretend we’re married."
"Why not," giggles the woman.
"Good," he replies. "Get
your own blanket."
Wife: "There’s trouble with
the car. It has water in the carburetor."
Husband: "Water in the carburetor?
That’s ridiculous."
Wife: "I tell you the car has
water in the carburetor."
Husband: "You don’t even know
what a carburetor is. Where’s the car?"
Wife: "In the swimming pool."
Wear short sleeves; support your right
to bare arms!
1911
INTERESTING MELANGE.
A Chronological Record of Events as they have
Transpired in the City and County since our last Issue.
Commercial Club
Meeting.
The Commercial Club held an interesting
meeting at the Elks club house last night. Reports from
the various committees were received and discussed. The
Carthage library matter was talked over in its various
phases, and the importance of securing representative
citizens on the board of directors was emphasized. The
matter of the site was also touched on, and it was argued
that the club should exert its influence in such manner
as the majority should decide when the proper time comes.
The library committee was instructed to confer with Mayor
Chaffee with reference to the appointment of the first
board of directors and offer such suggestions as may seem
proper and in place. Some favored the idea of having
women on the board, but President Barker said a Joplin
architect had advised against women on the board, and
others opposed the idea. Several others were strongly in
favor of it, and said the board should have six men and
three women.
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Today's Feature Accepting
Entries for Maple Leaf 2011 Theme Contest.
Entries for the 45th annual
Maple Leaf Festival theme contest are being
accepted by the Carthage Chamber of Commerce.
Submissions for this
year’s contest will be accepted through
Friday, March 18th at the Chamber Office.
Submissions must be in writing and can be brought
to the Chamber office, 402 S Garrison, or
e-mailed to mjlittle@carthagechamber.com.
Those wishing to submit a theme
entry should provide their theme suggestion,
their name, address and daytime telephone number.
Entries received after 5:00 p.m. March 18th will
not be considered.
The winning entry becomes the
sole property of the Carthage Chamber of Commerce
and the Maple Leaf Festival and will be used on
all promotional materials.
For more information, contact
Neely at the Carthage Chamber of Commerce,
417-358-2373 or nmyers@carthagechamber.com
The Carthage City Council meets
tomorrow evening at 7:30 in City Hall.
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Just Jake
Talkin'
Mornin',
Workin’ for farmers
was the main source of summer employment for
students in the rural town I grew up in.
Spendin’ the summer on
a harvest crew was thought to be one of the
more glamorous jobs, although by the end of
the season, those who stayed at home and
worked typically ended up with more money in
their pocket. The crew I was in one summer
discovered if you pumped a grease gun real
hard, a gob a grease would fly through the
air for some fifty yards or so. The novelty
of this discovery wore thin on the owner of
the combines when he saw the splatters of
grease all over his machines.
With a little practice, a
grease gun can be amazingly accurate. On the
threat of bein’ abandoned in South
Dakota, we only had that one day of target
shootin’ however.
This is some fact, but
mostly,
Just Jake Talkin’.
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Weekly
Columns
THIS IS A HAMMER
By Samantha Mazzotta
By Hook or
by Crook
Q: I’d like to put some
hooks underneath my kitchen cabinets so I can
hang mugs, utensils, etc. The trouble is, as my
boyfriend pointed out, the bottoms of the
cabinets look like thin particleboard and the
hooks mightl pull right out. I don’t have
much space. Is there a solution for this? --
Jennifer K., Detroit
A: With some cabinets, that is
a possibility. In order to place those hooks
securely, it’s better to screw them into
solid wood rather than particleboard. So, how can
you accomplish this? By adding a solid-wood
strip.
Where you place the strip
depends on which side of the cabinet bottom has
the best reinforcing material -- namely, the
cabinet framework, which is typically solid wood.
The strip will need to be secured to the
framework rather than simply nailed or glued to
the thin particleboard bottom of the cabinet, as
there’s a good chance it can’t support
the added weight of the strip, either.
Measure the distance from one
brace to the next, for each under-cabinet section
you want to attach hooks to. Select a piece of
solid wood that is about 2 inches wide and a
half-inch to an inch thick, and have it cut to
fit your measurements. If you want to paint or
stain the wood to match the cabinet finish, do so
before installing.
Double-check the fit of each
strip; it should fit snugly between each brace.
Use a wood rasp or sandpaper to take a little off
the ends if the strip doesn’t quite fit.
Glue the strip into place and secure by driving a
nail diagonally through the strip into the solid
wood brace.
Finally, go ahead and install
the hooks along the center of the wood strip.
HOME TIP: Stuck drawer? After
checking to make sure the drawer is sitting
properly in the runners, try rubbing problem
spots with chalk, wax or soap, or sand down with
fine-grade sandpaper.
When in doubt as to whether you
can safely or effectively complete a project,
consult a professional contractor.
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Publishing. All rights reserved.
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