A boy was having a lot of difficulty in French
class. To encourage him, his teacher said,
"Youll know youre really beginning to
get it when you start dreaming in French."
The boy ran into class all excited one
day, saying, "Teacher, teacher! I had a dream last
night and everyone was talking in French!"
"Great!" said the teacher; "what were they
saying?" "I dont know," the boy
replied; "I couldnt understand them."
"I couldnt help noticing how
happy you look," she said. "Whats your
secret for a long happy life?"
"I smoke three packs of cigarettes
a day," he said. "I also drink a case of
whiskey a week, eat fatty foods, and never
"Thats amazing," said
the woman, "how old are you?"
"Twenty-six," he said.
A Chronological Record of Events as they have
Transpired in the City and County since our last Issue.
$8,000 Verdict for
The jury in the Moore-Taylor $25,000
damage suit rendered a verdict at 8:30 this morning,
after having retired with the case and instructions
yesterday afternoon. The jury gave Will Moore a verdict
against Wilkins Taylor for $8,000 damages.
The sum total of Taylors penalty
to date for shooting Moore, as fixed by the courts, is
one year in jail, $1,000 fine and $8,000 damages. All
this, of course, in addition to heavy costs which the
wayward young mans honored father, John Taylor, is
cheerfully paying in his sons behalf.
Joseph Ferris, a native Turk, became a
naturalized citizen of the United States yesterday, being
admitted to all the privileges of citizenship by Judge
Dabbs in circuit court. Ferris had resided in the United
States five years and in Missouri one year and introduced
as witnesses Lee Campbell and George A. Wadleigh, Jr.
Season can be ANYTIME!
News Release: Jasper
County has an extensive Skywarn Network of
communications, spotters, concerned citizens, and
sirens to warn of approaching severe weather.
While more effective technology becomes available
every day to help forecast approaching severe
weather, it is still the trained eyes on the sky
that are needed to give that precious warning
time so vital to save lives. According to the
Skywarn organization, the more trained people,
the more efficient the warning network becomes.
The Skywarn annual severe
weather class will be held on Tuesday, March 8,
2011 at 6:30 p.m. The class lasts approximately
90 minutes and is being held in the Basement
Conference Room.of Joplin City Hall, 602 Main
Street. Enter at the West door. The class is free
and open to the public. No reservations are
needed to attend.
A meteorologist with the
National Weather Service in Springfield will be
conducting the class. The presentation is
formatted to outline the types of weather
conditions that may develop into severe
situations and thus need to be relayed to the
National Weather Service.
It seems of little surprise
that folks might differ on the pronunciation
of Missouri (ah or ee). With a language where
Pete and sweet rhyme, but sweat and peat
As a youngster I often
questioned the English teacher about how a
person was supposed ta learn to spell with
such inconsistencies in the language.
"You just have to
learn the exceptions," I was reminded.
Course the i before e
except after c and when it sounds like
"a" as in neighbor and weigh is
typical of the irregularities in the system.
Who made this stuff up?
Wouldnt naghbor and
wagh be a lot simpler? I dont know of
those spellings already bein spoke for.
No one would consider watchin Beigh
Watch, or care to give you the time of deigh
This is some fact, but
Just Jake Talkin.
To Your Good
By Paul G. Donohue,
Heart Failure Can
Cause Feet to Swell
DEAR DR. DONOHUE: Please
explain why I have to take my shoes off late
every day because my feet and ankles have swollen
and dont fit into the shoes. I flop around
in slippers without heels. In the morning, after
a nights sleep, my feet are back to normal.
I am 77 and take no medicines. -- K.M.
ANSWER: I cant give you
an unequivocal response because there are
numerous causes of foot and ankle swelling.
The medical name for such
swelling is edema. Even in relatively healthy
people, it occurs if people sit or stand for any
length of time. Gravity pulls fluid out of the
circulation, and it accumulates in the feet and
ankles. This is especially true at older ages,
when the circulatory system becomes somewhat
For this kind of swelling, the
solution is to elevate the legs when sitting. The
most effective elevation is raising the legs
above heart level, something that can be done
only by lying down with pillows propping up the
legs. Getting up and moving about is another way
to prevent fluid accumulation in the feet.
Heart failure is a more serious
cause of such swelling. When the hearts
pumping action becomes feeble, fluid escapes from
blood vessels and again accumulates in the ankles
and feet. Kidney disease with retention of body
fluid is another cause of edema. Liver disease
does the same.
Another condition called
lymphedema produces the same picture. Lymph is
fluid that normally escapes the circulation to
percolate around tissues and organs to provide
nourishment and to wash away germs. Small vessels
called lymphatics vacuum up this fluid and return
it to the circulation. Anything that disrupts
lymphatics can lead to ankle/foot swelling. An
old infection and surgery are two such
Since ankle and foot swelling
is a sign of many urgent medical conditions,
dont fool around with this. See your family
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