| today's
        laugh How is your new job at the factory?" One
        guy asked another. 
        "Im not going back
        there." 
        Why not?" 
        "For many reasons," he
        answered. "The sloppiness, the shoddy workmanship,
        the awful language  they just couldnt put up
        with it. 
          
        An Israeli soldier who just enlisted
        asked the Commanding Officer for a 3-day pass.  
        The CO says "Are you crazy? You
        just join the Israeli army, and you already want a 3-day
        pass? You must do something spectacular for that
        recognition!" So the soldier comes back a day later
        in an Arab tank! The CO was so impressed, he asked 
        "How did you do it?"  
        "Well, I jumped in a tank, and
        went toward the border with the Arabs. I approached the
        border, and saw an Arab tank. I put my white flag up, the
        Arab tank put his white flag up. I said to the Arab
        soldier, "Do you want to get a three-day pass? So we
        exchanged tanks!"  
          
        Two rules for success: 1.
        Dont tell all you know. 
         
        1911 
         
        INTERESTING MELANGE.  
        A Chronological Record of Events as they have
        Transpired in the City and County since our last Issue.  
        Cyclists Must Carry
        Lights. 
        Marshal Stafford is preparing to begin
        a crusade against the cyclists who persist in riding at
        night without lamps. Said he, "There is a city
        ordinance against riding at night without a light and as
        there has been many complaints about the practice I have
        determined to enforce it." Cyclists will take
        warning accordingly as failure to comply with the
        ordinance will lead to arrests. 
        Sent to the
        Industrial School. 
        Alice Ridge, the 16-year-old girl
        arrested Thursday night charged with vagrancy, pleaded
        guilty before Justice T. M. Garland and was committed to
        the Girls Industrial school at Chillicothe, Mo., to
        remain until 21 years of age. 
        She was not locked up, but remained at
        the Commercial hotel. Marshal Stafford left last night
        for Chillicothe with the girl in charge. She accompanied
        him willingly. 
        
            
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                Today's Feature FOOD DRIVE ON
                SATURDAY, MAY 14 
                Carthage Area United Way
                encourages community members to donate a sturdy
                bag of non-perishable items (canned foods, pasta,
                rice, cereal, etc.) to be collected by letter
                carriers as they deliver mail along their postal
                routes this Saturday. 
                "Stamp Out Hunger" is
                a national partnership between NALC, the U.S.
                Postal Service, United Way, the AFL-CIO, the
                National Rural Letter Carriers Association,
                Campbell, Feeding America, Valpak, AARP and Uncle
                Bobs Self Storage. Carriers will take the
                donations to the local Post Office and then it
                will be delivered to Carthage Crosslines, a
                Carthage Area United Way agency that assists in
                meeting emergency needs of persons and families
                in the community by providing assistance with
                food and clothing. 
                Those unable to get their
                donation out on Saturday morning can drop off any
                donation, all year long, at the Crosslines
                office, 600 E. 6th Street between 8 and noon or
                call 358-1577 for more information.  
                Bags should be left next to the
                mailbox.  
                According to the Carthage Area
                United Way each year, millions of Americans join
                the effort to help meet the needs of nearly 50
                million Americans who live in families that lack
                sufficient food. One in seven adults and nearly
                one-quarter of all children are hungry and not
                receiving the basic nutrition they need. Moving
                into the summer months, 22 million students are
                at risk of going hungry when the school year
                ends. For many children, school meals are the
                only complete and nutritious meals they eat.  
                 
                Jasper County
                Jail Count 
                No Statistics
                today 
                May 9, 2011 
                 
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                Just Jake
                Talkin' 
                Mornin',
                    From what Ive read,
                    retirement aint what it used ta be.
                    They say a lotta folks just keep on
                    goin, and goin and goin. 
                    By the year 2050, there are
                    supposed ta be over twice as many over the
                    age of 65 livin in the U.S. as there
                    are now. That means that a large block of
                    voters will be old enough ta know better I
                    suppose. 
                    They say that the big
                    business types are tryin ta figure out
                    what this enlarged mass of maturity will be
                    buyin and what their eatin habits
                    and such will be. Id have ta guess that
                    like most groups of consumers, theyll
                    know it when they see it. 
                    Women seem ta be noticeably
                    outlivin the men folk and difference
                    seems ta be increasin. I wont
                    make any speculation on that statistic at
                    all. 
                    This is some fact, but
                    mostly,  
                    Just Jake Talkin. 
                     
                 
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                | Sponsored by
                Carthage Printing | 
                 
                Weekly
                Column 
                HERES A TIP  
                By
                JoAnn Derson 
                 "Fill a quart-size
                zip-lock bag with water and double-bag it, making
                sure there is no air in the bag. Place it inside
                the toilet tank, on the opposite side from the
                pump. Secure it there, if you can. This will
                displace some of the water when you flush, and
                you will use less water as a consequence."
                -- E.S. in Florida 
                 If you have a stained
                porcelain sink, try using it to soak your stained
                garments. The presoak can do double duty on the
                stained sink and washables alike. 
                 To make your own
                breadcrumbs without a chopper or blender, place
                dry bread pieces in a plastic bag. Use a rolling
                pin to "roll" them into crumbs. 
                 Save water in the shower
                by using your kitchen timer, set for no more than
                5 minutes. If you can find a digital one, you
                will know better how much time you have left.
                After a little while, you almost dont need
                the timer. 
                 "If you seal your
                jelly jars with wax, heres a good tip:
                Place a small piece of string into the wax before
                it hardens. Then, youll be able to pull on
                the string to remove the wax when youre
                ready to enjoy your homemade goodies!" --
                U.L. in Maine 
                 Laundry stain removers
                can be good to remove stains from concrete
                drives. For instance, my relatives car was
                leaking, and I was able to get the stains from my
                pavers by using a spray-and-wash stain remover I
                borrowed from the laundry room. It worked very
                well. -- S.E. in Arkansas. 
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