The Mornin' Mail is published every weekday except major holidays
Thursday, May 12, 2011 Volume XIX, Number 225

did ya know?.

Did Ya Know?.. Acoustic jam at Red OakII every Sat. starting at 5:30 p.m. in the Salem Country Church. All styles of acoustic music welcomed.

Did Ya Know?... The Disabled American Veterans & Auxiliary will be meeting on Tuesday May 17th at 7 pm on the 2nd floor of the Carthage Memorial Hall.

today's laugh

Things people actually said in court, word for word

Q: What is your date of birth?

A: July fifteenth.

Q: What year?

A: Every year.

Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the accident?

A: Gucci sweatshirt and Reeboks.

Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?

A: Yes.

Q: And what were you doing at that time?

Q: She had three children, right?

A: Yes.

Q: How many were boys?

A: None.

Q: Were there any girls?

Q: How was your first marriage terminated?

A: By death.

Q: By whose death was it terminated?

Q: Can you describe the individual?

A: He was about medium height and had a beard.

Q: Was this a male, or a female?

Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?

A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.


Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?

A: Oral.

Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?

A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.

Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?

A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him.

Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning?

A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"

Q: And why did that upset you?

A: My name is Susan.

Clairvoyants meeting canceled due to unforeseen events.


A Chronological Record of Events as they have Transpired in the City and County since our last Issue.

C. L. Bartlett Stock Sold.

W. S. Wells today purchased the C. L. Bartlett grocery stock from Mrs. C. L. Bartlett. County superintendent, W. N. Wharton, represented Mrs. Bartlett. The consideration was not made public but the stock invoiced over $1100. Mrs. Wells will add to the stock and open for business Wednesday morning. He will make the stock one of the finest in Carthage and will sell part of the old goods at cut prices.

Death of Mrs. Minerva Dally.

Mrs. Minerva R. Dally died at her home on South Lyon street last evening at 6:45 o’clock after a lingering illness of consumption. She leaves three children - a son and two daughters. The funeral was held this afternoon at 4 o’clock at the residence. Dr. J. W. Stewart, of the First M. E. church conducted the services. The remains will be taken this evening to her old home at Manchester, Ohio, for burial.

  Today's Feature

Re-enactment Sat. May 14

Due to the Civil War Re-enactment Saturday, May 14, all vehicles must be removed from Muniipal Park to Garrison Avenue on Oak street between the hours of 12 p.m. and 5 p.m. The Civil War March will start at Municipal Park and proceed east down Oak Street, across Garrison Avenue to 4th Street, and south on Maple Street to Central Park.

All vehicles must be removed from the downtown area from 1 p.m. to 4 p.m. This area consists of Garrison Avenue east to Howard Street, and from 2nd Street south to West Chestnut Street. From 1 p.m. to 4 p.m.

From 2 p.m. to 3:30 p.m., troops will be fighting street to street. Pedestrians must stay off the streets and sidewalks in the re-enactment area (except for the designated spectator corridor). Spectators must stay out of Central Park and the streets surrounding it. Courthouse spectators must stay on the courthouse lawn, not on the streets or sidewalks.

Jasper County Jail Count

210 May 10, 2011

208 May 11, 2011


By Monte Dutton

Edwards Would Love to Tame Darlington

Carl Edwards has never won at Darlington Raceway. Then again, he’s never arrived at the South Carolina track with the Sprint Cup point lead.

Darlington is NASCAR’s oldest superspeedway... and strangest. It is egg-shaped in that one side (turns 3 and 4) is markedly narrower than the other. The track itself, in terms of usable asphalt, is narrower than any other. As such, it is perhaps stock-car racing’s sternest test.

"The first time I went to Darlington was in the Truck Series, and I had studied tape with Jeff Burton," Edwards recalled. "Bobby Hudson was my spotter. He grew up right around there, and he’d seen races there forever, and I mean, for a month leading up to that race, I heard more Darlington stories ... about how tough that track was, and learned about the history of it through my studying of how to run fast there. To me, it’s a mythical place.

"To win there, to me, would mean a lot. It would be huge. I’ve been very close. We’ve been fast in the trucks, fast in the Nationwide car, really fast in the Cup car, and have never won a race there. That’s a very important race to me."

A year ago, Edwards finished 15th in the Showtime Southern 500, won by Denny Hamlin. Overall, his record is solid: four top-10 finishes in seven races, including a second place in 2008 to Kyle Busch.

So far, Edwards, from Columbia, Mo., has finished sixth or better in seven of the nine Sprint Cup races. He has a win and two poles. He’s also won twice in the Nationwide Series.

Edwards leads Jimmie Johnson, winner of the past five championships, by only nine points.

"Right now ... it’s all about winning races, learning and performing well enough to lock yourself into the Chase," said Edwards. "For us to be leading is fun. It feels good, but it’s also about having a little bit of insurance. ... Jimmie (Johnson) and those guys have been doing really well.

"Hopefully we can keep them behind us. That would be nice."

Just Jake Talkin'

I have always enjoyed watchin’ a major thunderstorm move through. Clouds movin’ this way and that, formin’ all those wierd shapes. ‘Course as a kid, it made it a lot easier to enjoy it ‘cause we had a basement to run to if things got too outa hand.

I suppose there is somethin’ in our nature that makes us admire the works and power of nature.

I see where folks are goin’ out and gettin’ lowered into shark infested waters while bein’ protected by a metal cage. Payin’ good money too, I suppose.

Most of us who were brought up around the farm had some encounter with a rat or a snake or unpleasant hog that pretty well eliminated the urge to tempt anything with large teeth. Learned those lessons for free.

This is some fact, but mostly,

Just Jake Talkin’.

Sponsored by Metcalf Auto

Weekly Column

Dear Tom and Ray:

Setting the scene: Six middle-age guys cruising the Caribbean in a 40-foot catamaran, mooring and anchoring at a variety of harbors, bays and coves using our dingy and its two-stroke motor to ferry us to and from shore. When the motor started losing power and occasionally misfiring, the most mechanically savvy member of our group dismantled it and went right to removing the spark plugs, finding both tips well-fouled with carbon, one more so than the other. He replaced the worst one with a new plug found in the boat’s tool kit, but lacking another new plug, he decided to try to clean the buildup on the better of the two fouled plugs. So, lacking any other solvent but having plenty of ethanol of various flavors on board, he and an assistant soaked the spark plug in (fairly expensive) vodka for an hour or so, after which it cleaned up quite well. After the plug was replaced, the motor ran as smooth as silk, and with plenty of newfound power. Should we let the marketing department of the vodka brand know about its product’s expanded functionality? Your fans -- Joe, Martin, Martin, Frank, Tim and George

TOM: Well, we use nothing but Grey Goose in our shop.

RAY: As you’ve discovered, guys, alcohol is a wonderful solvent. And it’s an excellent way to clean carbon off of spark plugs.

TOM: I would guess that the higher the proof -- hence the greater the alcohol content -- the better it’s going to work for you.

RAY: I’d use vodka over, say, Grand Marnier.

TOM: What we have to figure out is whether it’s more cost-effective than the carburetor cleaner we currently use in the shop. I’ll have to compare the cost per ounce.

Copyright 2011, Heritage Publishing. All rights reserved.