It was a particularly tough football game, and
nerves were on edge. The home team had been the victim of
three or four close calls, and they were now trailing the
visitors by a touch-down and a field goal. When the
official called yet another close one in the
visitors favor, the home quarterback blew his top.
"How many times can you do this to
us in a single game?" he screamed. "You were
wrong on the out-of-bounds, you were wrong on that last
first down, and you missed an illegal tackle in the first
The official just stared.
The quarterback seethed, but he
suppressed the language that might get him tossed from
the game. "What it comes down to," he bellowed,
"is that you STINK!"
The official stared a few more seconds.
Then he bent down, picked up the ball, paced off 15
yards, and put the ball down. He turned to face the
The official finally replied, "And
how do I smell from here?"
I always wanted to be somebody, but I
guess I should have been more specific.
A Chronological Record of Events as they have
Transpired in the City and County since our last Issue.
Killed a Diamond
Yesterday while on a fishing expedition
up Spring river near McDaniels mill Chas. Albaugh,
the "well known paper hanger", killed a large
diamond rattlesnake. The reptile was about four feet long
and a couple of inches thick. Seven rattles and a button
decorated his snakeships tail. The diamond
rattlesnakes are said to be a great rarity in this
vicinity. The reptile was pounded into a jelly by Mr.
A Pocketbook Lost
Mrs. G.C. Kellogg lost her pocket book
containing $42 in the gutter in front of the First
National bank this afternoon. Oran Henning picked it up
and left word at the bank and stores near by. A half hour
later Mrs. Kellogg recovered her property. She was
fortunate to recover it, as not everyone would have been
as honest in the matter as was Mr. Henning.
- In an effort to release pressure on a levee in
Cairo, Illinois and other areas, the U.S. Army
Corps of Engineers activated Birds Point-New
Madrid floodway late Monday evening, flooding
more than a hundred thousand acres of Missouri
Major General Michael Walsh,
commander of the Mississippi Valley Army corps,
said the levee was enduring "enormous,
unprecedented" pressure due to severe
amounts of rain in the last week. The gauge at
Cairo, Ill., surpassed the 61 feet required to
activate the plan, said the Southwest Missourian.
U.S. Senators Roy Blunt, R.,
Claire McCaskill, D., and Rep. Joann Emerson, R.,
who represents the flooded region, wrote a letter
to the Secretary of the Army Monday,
writing,"To be clear, most understand that
activation of the floodway in effect,
means destruction of the
"Scores of homes, as well
as 130,000 acres of productive property and
public infrastructure, are within the path of
destruction," wrote the Members. "We
urge the USACE to dedicate all available planning
resources to respond decisively, definitively,
and immediately to give back the personal
property, livelihoods, and public infrastructure
that will be lost."
litigated against the Corps decision to
blow the levee, which Speaker of the Missouri
House of Representatives Steven Tilley, R-Perry,
told PoliticMo was "a bad situation with two
Lt. Governor Peter Kinder, R.,
called on Missourians to pray for the victims of
the flood, and noted the "courage" of
farm families during the decision making process.
"As rains have continued
to fall, making a bad situation even worse, the
demolition of the Birds Point Levee was made
certain this afternoon by announcement of the
Army Corps of Engineers," Kinder said.
"This drastic action is unfortunate for so
Kinder said he was "ready
to assist" those effected in any way
possible, and lawmakers called on the Corps to
restore the floodway in full "without delay
or red tape and without uncertainty or further
hardship upon those who will inevitably suffer in
the Missouri Bootheel."
Estimates say the floodway
activation could cause $1 billion in property
damage, and millions in lost revenue for farmers.
"The Corps decision
today makes me heartsick for those who live and
work in the floodway," said Rep. Emerson.
"The certain damage to homes, buildings and
productive farmland will take years to
Its all over but the
shoutin. Thats one a those
phrases that everone was aware of when
I was growin up.
In general Id have ta
say it means the decidin is done.
Nothin more to be accomplished, just
the rumble that follows a lightin
strike in the distance. But where the
different meanins might be is
dependin on whether you happened to be
sittin under the tree the lightin
hit, or if ya just happened to see the streak
from your back porch.
From a distance, ya might
be shoutin bout how beautiful
nature is in its wildest form. From
under the tree, the shoutin would be
more likely heard as a curse of such
dastardly power and the wrath it brings to
Course that brings us to
the consideration that any shoutin at
all doesnt change the result.
This is some fact, but
Just Jake Talkin.
HERES A TIP
"My dogs stay
outside most of the day now, while the weather is
so nice. We bring them indoors when it gets too
hot, but for a treat, we will freeze a plastic
cup of ice and then chuck the "ice
block" on the porch. They lick at it and
play with it. Its like a little doggie
water park when they are done." -- M.E. in
Finding a summer camp
for your kids can be a chore. Check with your
childs school and school friends for
recommendations. Also, see if your citys
recreation department is holding any camps. Some
county extension offices (agriculture department)
offer camps. Many of these are reasonably priced.
"I have a tip for
you. When pouring water into your coffee maker,
use a 4-inch funnel, placing it in the tank. It
helps to keep from spilling water. Pour
slowly!" -- P.T. in Illinois
"To keep the
kitchen garbage can from smelling, put meat,
vegetables, fruit and peelings in a bread bag,
and put it in the freezer until you take it
outside for the garbage collector." -- E.L.
coupons in your cars glove compartment.
They will be there if you need to drive through,
and will be handy for picking up dinner on the
way home. If you need them at home, chances are
your car is there anyway!" -- F.D. in
Got paper to recycle?
More and more schools are recycling paper as a
way to fundraise. Dont have a kid in
school? Drive by and look for a Dumpster or bin
thats labeled. Odds are good youll
find one. If you dont, ask!
Copyright 2011, Heritage
Publishing. All rights reserved.