The Mornin' Mail is published every weekday except major holidays
Thursday, May 5, 2011 Volume XIX, Number 220

did ya know?.

Did Ya Know?. Kiwanis J.T. Prigmore Senior Charity Classic May 5th, 2011 Carthage Golf Course.

today's laugh

The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all of the background checks, interviews, and testing were done there were three finalists...

Two men and a woman.

For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.

"We must know that you will follow your instructions, no matter what the circumstances.

In side of this room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Kill Her!!!"

The man said, "You can’t be serious. I could never shoot my wife."

The agent said, "Then you’re not the right man for this job."

The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes. Then the man came out

with tears in his eyes." I tried, but I can’t kill my wife."

The agent said, "You don’t have what it takes. Take your wife and go home."

Finally, it was the woman’s turn. She was given the same instructions to kill her husband.

She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one shot after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls.

After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman.

She wiped the sweat from her brow, and said, "This gun is loaded with blanks. I had to beat him to death with the chair."


A college graduate applies for a job as an industrial spy. Together with several other applicants, he is given a sealed envelope and told to take it to the fourth floor. As soon as the young man is alone, he steps into an empty hallway and opens the packet. Inside, a message reads: "You’re our kind of person. Report to the fifth floor."


A Chronological Record of Events as they have Transpired in the City and County since our last Issue.

Frisco Car Fired by Tramps.

The burning of several freight cars in the Frisco yards was narrowly averted last night, by the discovery of the blaze in its incipiency.

A passenger who had come in on the Missouri Pacific noticed that the car, which was standing almost opposite the Frisco depot, was on fire. He notified night Operator Whitlock who promptly extinguished the conflagration.

As the night was quite chilly a fire had been started in the car by tramps who had deliberately gone off and left it


Dr. D. F. Luckey has instructions from the Board of Agriculture to prevent the driving of any infected cattle from the Indian Territory or Cherokee, Kan., into Missouri. All the infected range in the western part of Jasper and Newton counties was burned off last fall and there is a chance to get entirely rid of all infections in the state.

  Today's Feature



The 2011 winners of the annual Flanigan Speech Contest were announced by Carthage R-9 School Foundation Director Vicki Cash at the Carthage High School Academic Awards Night on Monday, April 25.

The contest consists of three divisions, with cash prizes awarded to the winners. The 2011 winners of the Flanigan Speech Contest are:

Extemporaneous Speech: Bren Flanigan

Declamation: Whitney Triplett

Sight Reading: Deborah Stevens

The annual Flanigan Speech Contest is made possible through a fund established with the Carthage R-9 School Foundation by Mr. John H. Flanigan in 1973, "For the purpose of encouraging Carthage High School students during the years to come in the proficient, correct, unaffected, precise, unstilted, but emphatic and convincing use of the noble English tongue."


By Monte Dutton

Kahne Takes Layover With Team Red Bull

This stage of Kasey Kahne’s career is tumultuous almost by definition. What should be the prime of the 31-year-old’s career is a bit muddled, if only for now. Kahne left Richard Petty Motorsports near the end of last season. In 2012, he will join Hendrick Motorsports, replacing Mark Martin.

This year, though, Kahne is taking a one-year ride with Team Red Bull as a teammate of Brian Vickers.

What’s more, Kahne underwent knee surgery recently to repair a torn meniscus. Still, he planned to participate in the next Sprint Cup race at Richmond International Raceway.

Thus far, in the No. 4 Toyota, Kahne has collected three top-10 finishes, though a disastrous Talladega showing relegated him to 18th in the Sprint Cup standings. He was 11th four races ago.

"We’ve been learning some things," said Kahne. "The cars are a lot different than what we’ve had in the past ... we’ve been off every week, but ... we have a great team with Red Bull behind it.

"It’s really nice to drive awesome equipment, nice cars. TRD (Toyota Racing Development) does a good job. ... The teams came together really well, really quickly, and I think we can run pretty strong throughout this entire season."

It’s hard to believe this is actually Kahne’s eighth season in NASCAR’s premier series. In 2006, he collected six wins and finished eighth in the final standings. The most recent of Kahne’s 11 victories occurred in September 2009 at Atlanta Motor Speedway.

Understandably, Kahne prefers not to look ahead to next year, when he will join NASCAR’s premier team, Hendrick. For now, he wants to concentrate on his present status at Team Red Bull.

"It’s back to kind of how it should be, I think," he said. "I think racing should be fun. It’s a job, but it should be fun, too.

"It’s nice to see all the little things they do to prepare. I think my car is probably one of the nicest cars in that whole garage over there. ... I’m just happy to be where I’m at."

Just Jake Talkin'

Most would pro’bly think that frustration comes from lack of ability or ignorance of a particular subject. The real basis of frustration comes from not bein’ able to accomplish somethin’ that is perceived to be within reach.

For those of us who know the frustration of tryin’ to repair some type of machine and bein’ confronted by rusty bolts or inadequate tools, there is always the satisfaction of venting the anger with the primitive, but effective, shade tree hammer throw.

There does seem to be a direct mathematical relationship between how important the tool is to completin’ the job and the distance it lands from the job site.

This insight is usually reinforced when the forgotten hammer inflicts mortal damage to the lawnmower.

This is some fact, but mostly,

Just Jake Talkin’.

Sponsored by Carthage Printing

Weekly Column



Dear Tom and Ray:

We have a 1996 Plymouth Voyager with more than 130,000 miles on it that I use to transport our kids everywhere. On four separate occasions, the brakes have failed completely with absolutely NO warning ... no warning light, no gradual diminution of brake function, just "Now you have ‘em, now you don’t." Each time, it was revealed that a brake line had snapped (and each time, the offending line was replaced). This also happened once with a steering line (the steering wheel locked in traffic). My husband insists that as long as the brake lines are replaced, it’s safe to drive. What do you think? Have you ever heard of this problem before with this make of vehicle? PLEASE ANSWER! -- Alexis

RAY: We replace miles of rusted-out brake lines and fuel lines every year.

TOM: And your husband technically is correct -- once all of those lines are replaced, they shouldn’t break again for a long time. So the car CAN be made safe.

RAY: But here’s the mistake he made -- and why you’re driving around in terror: Once one of the brake lines failed, he should have insisted that all of them be checked and replaced immediately.

TOM: It’s a decade and a half old.

RAY: You need to have a mechanic check all the brake lines and fuel lines. Now that the power-steering line has been replaced, that shouldn’t be a problem for a while. But the mechanic also needs to check everything else that wears out on an old car: the ball joints, the other steering components, the shocks and springs, the brakes, the tires, the amount of rust on the frame, mildew on the fuzzy dice -- everything.

RAY: Then you and your husband can decide whether you’d rather put that money into making your old van safe, or put it into a newer, more reliable car.

Copyright 2011, Heritage Publishing. All rights reserved.