The Mornin' Mail is published every weekday except major holidays
Thursday, November 17, 2011 Volume XX, Number 107

did ya know?.

Did Ya Know?...The First Presbyterian Church will have a rummage sale Nov. 18, 19 starting at 7:30 a.m. Chestnut & Lyon

Did Ya Know?...Cub Scout Pack 9 & Boy Scout Troop will have a dessert Auction Nov 21 starting at 7 p.m. at the First United Methodist Church Fellowship Hall.

Did Ya Know?...Grace Episcopal Coffeehouse Concert will be Sat., Nov 19 at 7 p.m. featuring Lynn Sutter Adler and Lindy Hearne in Parish Hall, 820 Howard. $10 donation suggested

today's laugh

Angered at what he felt was a bad call, a pro player yelled at the referee, "You stink to high heaven."

The referee picked up the ball, walked off fifteen yards, and said, "Can you still smell me?"undertook a twenty-five-year mortage, I wondered if I’d last that long. Now, I keep wondering if the house will last that long.


The coach talks it over with his Little Leaguers: "We have to use sportsmanship. No temper tantrums, no yelling at the umpire, and no being bad losers. Do you understand that?"

The kids nod.

The coach goes on, "Good. Now explain that to your mothers."


I had amnesia once - maybe twice.


A Chronological Record of Events as they have Transpired in the City and County since our last Issue.

Location of Three Lights Changed.

The light committee, to whom had been previously referred several petitions asking for lights at different points in the city reported that they found it almost impossible to add more lights, as the circuits were loaded.

They had, however, found two lights on Oak street beyond any house, which they thought could be used elsewhere; also one other light could be changed in location a little.

The light committee therefore made a report recommending that two lights be taken from the extreme west end of Oak street and one of said lights be placed on Fall street and the other on Cedar street, about 400 feet west of Sophia. Also that the light at the intersection of Macon and River streets, be placed at the intersection of Orchard and Tenth streets.

  Today's Feature

A Christmas Carol.

Stone’s Throw Dinner Theatre is proud to present its upcoming performance of Israel Horowitz’s Adaptation of Charles Dickens’- A Christmas Carol: Scrooge and Marley Directed by Tom Brown and Betsy Fleischaker.

Synopsis: The classic story of miserly Scrooge who is visited nightly by spirits that teach him the true meaning of Christmas.

Performances will be held at Stone’s Throw Dinner Theatre, 796 South Stone Lane, Carthage, MO on December 8, 9, 10, 11, 2011 & December 15, 16, 17, 18, 2011.

For dinner shows: Thursday-Saturday doors open at 6:00 pm, dinner at 6:30 pm and show begins at 7:30 pm. Sunday performances, doors open at 12:30pm, dinner at 1:00pm with show beginning at 2:00pm.

Prices are $22.00 for adults,

$19.00 for seniors over 55,

$19.00 for youth (13-18),

$10.00 for children (6-12),

$19.00 for Students with ID,

Children 5 and under are free.

Opening night, Veterans with ID - $15.00.

417-358-9665. Online, contact .

Jasper County Jail Count

178 November 16, 2011

Total Including Placed out of County

Just Jake Talkin'

I suppose one a the clues that the years are creepin’ up on ya is the number of grandma’s at the family Thanksgivin’ gatherin’.

‘Course ya have most ever’one there that at some time or another reference "grandma" as if she was the only one. When the kids go walkin’ through the room callin’ for grandma, nearly ever conversation comes to a halt. Heads turn and stretch to see which kid the grandma belongs to.

I’d guess this is onea the reasons the some families adopt different pet names for different sets of grandparents. It could keep the confusion down in a crowd, but my family seems to keep the traditional generic terms for their elders. The kids like the attention, and the grandma’s too.

This is some fact, but mostly,

Just Jake Talkin’.

Sponsored by Metcalf Auto Supply

Weekly Column

When I was younger, I had a friend who had an early-’80s Pontiac Firebird. It was in rough shape, and it had the 305 small-block engine with a four-barrel carburetor. It never seemed to run smoothly. During this time, the owner of the Firebird was living with a mutual friend, who had a little brother. The little brother and his friend didn’t like owner of the Firebird, so for a week they urinated into a plastic gallon jug behind the garage, with the intent of dumping it into the gas tank of the Firebird.

So, one morning the owner of the Firebird showed up at my door and told me to hop in. He was really excited, and when I got into the car, he went on about how his vehicle was running the best it had ever run, and he couldn’t figure out why. I had learned the night before that the "homemade octane booster" had been added to the tank. Was this just a fluke occurrence? Or is every portable potty a fuel source just waiting to be discovered? -Rob

TOM: Well, we’ve finally discovered the secret behind Marvel Mystery Oil!

RAY: We don’t have any idea, Rob. I’ve never tried this, never wanted to try it and don’t intend to ever try it.

TOM: I’m glad to hear that, because now I can eliminate that as the reason my ‘78 Fiat has been running so well lately.

RAY: The only possible explanation I can even make up is that the urea in the urine served as a cleaning solvent of some kind and removed some gums and varnishes from the Firebird’s carburetor and allowed it to deliver fuel more evenly.

TOM: The fact that we have other cleaners designed to remove varnishes that don’t -- as far as I know -- contain urea reinforces my belief that this answer has no basis in reality.

Copyright 2011, Heritage Publishing. All rights reserved.