We have the laziest rooster. In the morning, he
waits for another rooster to crow, and then he nods his
A man is brought in for stealing a pair
of shoes. The judge says, "Werent you here
last year for the same charge?"
"How long can a pair of shoes
This young man climbs a ladder and taps
at his girlfriends window. They are planning to
elope. The girl comes to the window and whispers,
"Dont make so much noise. Youll wake my
The boy says, "You dont have
to worry. Hes holding the ladder."
Ill give you an idea of how cheap
he is. Last week, he and his wife went to the mall with
His wife went in to shop, and when she
got out, she looked and said, "Its not our
baby in this carriage."
He said, "I know, but these wheels
"He not only lied to me about his
yacht, but I had to do most of the rowing."
A Chronological Record of Events as they have
Transpired in the City and County since our last Issue.
Thief Caught in the
Chas. Scott, the merchants night
policeman, discovered a man attempting to get out with a
sack of flour at the back door of Richardson &
Co.s grocery store at about midnight last night.
The officer was at the time making his
rounds to try all doors, seeing if they were properly
locked for the night. As he approached the Richardson
store the thief broke and ran, leaving the sack of flour
sitting just inside the door.
The man would not stop when commanded,
and Scott sent a shot after him, but he was dodging
zigzag fashion and the shot did not take effect. It was
thought someone else was inside the store, but later
investigation proved noone there.
An examination this morning shows that
the would-be thief made his entrance into the store by
pulling a cleat off the door jam, and then sticking a
knife through a crack in such a way as to work back the
Attorney General Chris Koster
announced he has obtained a consent judgment
against a Joplin landlord for alleged price
gouging and other violations in the aftermath of
the May 22 Joplin tornado.
Koster said David Box, Jr.,
rents out apartments at Northside Apartments and
Classic Townhouses. Following the May 22 tornado,
Box notified tenants that their rent was being
raised and required that they contact him within
three days or their rental unit could be leased
to someone else.
Koster said his office received
complaints from 13 renters who had received the
notice from Box. In one instance, a renter was
notified his rent would go from $475 per month to
$595 per month, a 25 percent increase. Two other
renters were notified their rent would go from
$475 to $550 per month, a 16 percent increase.
Koster said Box is ordered to
provide restitution to those harmed by his
actions and send them a letter of apology for
using duress in a time of tragedy, and to pay a
$5,000 civil penalty and all court costs. Should
Box violate any terms of the judgment, he will be
assessed an additional $5,000 penalty.
County Jail Count
188 October 12,
Including Placed out of County
NASCAR THIS WEEK
Has Kingly Goals
A.J. Allmendinger earns the
interest of thousands of fans just on the basis
of the No. 43 on the side of his Ford Fusion.
"43" is the number
made famous by Richard Petty, the owner. Petty
won a record 200 races carrying that number. No
one else ever come close to that total, and
its almost unthinkable that anyone will
ever approach it. Its among many reasons
why Petty is uniformly regarded as NASCARs
Allmendinger, 29, came
reasonably close to making the Chase for the
Sprint Cup. He moved up from 15th to 14th in
Sprint Cup points after finishing seventh at
Dover International Speedway in the AAA 400. To
date, the Los Gatos, Calif., native has collected
one top-five and seven top-10 finishes during the
The one-time Rookie of the Year
in the ChampCar World Series (2004) began
competing regularly in NASCAR in 2007. He
finished third in the 2009 Daytona 500.
obviously, is to restore Richard Petty
Motorsports to the position of royalty enjoyed by
Petty. Teammate Marcos Ambrose picked up a
victory earlier this year at Watkins Glen, N.Y.
"The Chase doesnt
define our season," Allmendinger said.
"If we get to Homestead (Fla., site of the
final race) and are a lot better than we were
last year, Ill be happy with that."
Regarding his performance at
Dover, he said, "You just want to put
yourself in that position, but we werent
quite good enough to win. Depending on what call
and where you restarted, I think we might have
been top-five there at the end."
The race began disastrously but
also spectacularly. After his Ford was bumped
from behind by Denny Hamlins Toyota,
Allmendinger made a spectacular save, keeping the
car out the Dover walls and recovering.
"Denny had a nose right
there, but it was lap four," Allmendinger
said. "Those guys would expect you to give
them some room, but he just stuffed it down in
there and jacked me sideways. It was no surprise,
and as I started spinning toward the wall, I just
hammered the throttle. I didnt think it was
going to hit the wall, but then I was afraid that
everybody behind me would come piling in.
"Id like to say it
was all driver, but luckily, I tapped the brake
and kept it on the throttle, it straightened back
up to where I didnt stop in front of
anybody and, thank God, everybody behind us was
alert and kind of got it slowed down. Id
say it was 60 percent driver and 40 percent luck.
Ill give myself a little bit of
Sometimes technology is
I was walkin up to a
convenience store the other day and I heard
"Attention. This car
is backing up!"
At first I thought it was
the gas pump talkin to me. Theyve
scared me a few times too, but the sound was
closer than that.
Then I realized I was
behind a large van that was creeping toward
me. Howd it know?
After gettin out a
the way, Im figurin the thing
just automatically does that when the backup
lights come on, but maybe there is a tiny
camera watchin out for us pedestrians,
makin sure we dont end up in
harms way. Either way, in this instance it
worked, however it works.
This is some fact, but
Just Jake Talkin.
Metcalf Auto Supply
CLICK and CLACK
I do not have an air
conditioner. "So what?" you say.
"There are many cars on the streets without
any air conditioning, most of them old,
rusted-out beaters." But I have a 2010
Chevrolet Cobalt, base model XFE. My boss bought
it for me because he couldnt pass up a
$6,000 brand-new car.
So now I am driving hell on
wheels ... literally. It would be one thing if I
lived in Alaska or Siberia. But Im in the
middle of the country, where temperatures were
regularly 95 this past summer. The dealer wants
$2,500 to install air conditioning. Are there any
cheaper alternatives? Thank you so much, guys. I
am truly grateful. -- Thomas the "Roast
TOM: Unfortunately, there are
no really good alternatives, Thomas. Because
almost nobody buys a car without air conditioning
these days, your car doesnt even come with
RAY: They had to unload this
car for $6,000 because it sat on the lot for
almost two years and no one gave it a sniff. And
the only reason your boss bought it is because he
knew HE wouldnt have to drive it.
TOM: Fortunately, your car is
pre-wired and -ducted for air conditioning, even
though theres no air-conditioning equipment
in it. All cars come that way now. And $2,500 is
about the right price.
TOM: One way or the other, you
should reason with him, Thomas, and ask him to
rectify this situation. Remind him that hes
still getting a great deal. Even with the AC,
hes getting a new car for $8,500.
RAY: So tell him that his
credentials still will be excellent. Hell
still be able to walk into any cheapskate
convention with his head held high.
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