Ways To Annoy People
1. Sing the Batman theme incessantly.
2. Specify that your drive-through
order is "to go."
3. Leave the copy machine set to reduce
200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 98 copies.
4. Stomp on little plastic ketchup
5. Leave your turn signal on for fifty
6. Claim that you must always wear a
bicycle helmet as part of your "astronaut
7. Forget the punchline to a long joke,
but assure the listener it was a "real hoot."
8. Highlight irrelevant information in
scientific papers and "cc:" them to your boss.
9. Make beeping noises when a large
person backs up.
10. Invent nonsense computer jargon in
conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the
appearance of ignorance.
11. Finish all your sentences with the
words "in accordance with the prophesy."
12. Wear a special hip holster for your
A Chronological Record of Events as they have
Transpired in the City and County since our last Issue.
Held Up Near Wichita
Two Suspects Under
The east bound passenger train on the
Frisco, which reaches Carthage at 5:37 a.m., was held up
and robbed Saturday night at Andover, a small station
about ten miles east of Wichita, an account of which will
be found in the dispatches on another page. The express
car alone was robbed, the passengers not being
disturbed.The two men who did the work first rode into
the town and robbed the ticket agent, securing about $90,
all of which with the exception of about three dollars,
was personal property of the agent.
After robbing the agent they started
out to flag the train. The agent had given the alarm as
soon as they had left and a citizen of the town, Mr.
Fordwell, attempted to give the train crew warning, and
was shot by the robbers.
Carthage Area United Way will
kick off their 2011/12 Campaign Thursday,
September 15th with a luncheon at the Broadview
Invited guests including Pillar
Givers, Volunteers, Advocates and Agency
representatives will be the first to view the new
campaign video and Dr. Greg Goetzinger, Volunteer
Campaign Chairman will introduce his campaign
cabinet members along with announcing the
campaign goal amount.
Generous sponsors for this
event include: Arvest Bank, Hometown Bank,
Southwest Missouri Bank and UMB Bank.
The Carthage Area United Way
helps support 14 Agencies. These agencies include
ACHE Dental Clinic, American Red Cross, Boy
Scouts, Carthage Crisis Center, Carthage
Crosslines Ministry, Cerebral Palsy of
Tri-County, Childrens Haven of Southwest
MO, Childrens Mercy Hospital, Family
Literacy Council, Girl Scouts, Jasper County 4-H,
Lafayette House, Carthage Salvation Army and
County Jail Count
Including Placed out of County
NASCAR THIS WEEK
Gordon Gets One
Its so easy to get all
Jeff Gordon outdueled Jimmie
Johnson -- his teammate, friend, protege and
nemesis -- to win the rain-delayed AdvoCare 500
at Atlanta Motor Speedway. Since Johnson first
roared into the NASCAR spotlight in 2002, the two
have competed together in 352 Sprint Cup races.
Johnson has won twice as many (54-27) and
finished ahead of Gordon in 55.1 percent. Johnson
has won five straight championships, and Gordon
hasnt won any. His four all were before
When Johnson arrived,
everything changed for Gordon. Its so
tempting to proclaim, while awash in
sentimentality, that happy days are here again.
They may be, but its been
10 years since Gordons fourth championship,
and the Chase hasnt even started. He
doesnt have Johnson on the ropes, and
others have just as much a stake in dethroning
the perennial champion.
No one has Johnson on the
ropes. Hes finished in the top 10 in five
straight races, fourth or better in four of them
and second in two of the last three. Oh, by the
way, hes the points leader.
All of that having been noted,
the Tuesday race, run at shortly after 11 a.m.,
with millions of fans at work and nestled in
neither recliners nor grandstand seats, was a
great memory for those wholl have one. In
NASCAR, seldom has so much been witnessed by so
Gordon had that Jimmie Johnson
Sinking Feeling and somehow managed to shake the
fever. A winner of 85 races has been in a lot of
parades, few of them on Tuesdays, and it appeared
as if Johnson was going to rain on it. But Gordon
held on, against all expectations, and it was a
grand and righteous spectacle.
"Not too many people get
to do that these days, and I didnt think I
was going to be able to do it, either," said
Gordon, and the "that" translated to
"beating Jimmie Johnson."
Meanwhile, Johnsons hands
were reportedly trembling when he climbed out of
"Man, that is what racing
is all about," he exclaimed "That was a
lot of fun."
Gordon held on by his wits, for
dear life, with all he had and by the hair of his
If he holds off Johnson for 11
more weeks, itll be magic. If Johnson wins
again, itll be expected.
Id have ta guess that
most parents are near ready for the kids ta
get back ta gettin a good
learnin. At least the idea of
gettin back on the somewhat regular
schedule of it all has ta be a matter of a
relief for most.
From my understandin,
summer vacation from school was originally
put in place so that kids could help out on
the farm durin the harvest season.
Course that was when over 90% of folks
round here depended on the land for a
livin. Now that less than 2% of the
population lives on workin farms, some
have suggested keepin kids in school
year round. There are probly some
good arguments for such a set up, real
logical type arguments. I figure there are
some things that are better learned outside
the school settin. Baseball,
fishin, and bicycle ridin for
instance. Guess Im just a traditional
This is some fact, but
Just Jake Talkin.
Metcalf Auto Supply
CLICK and CLACK
I just got word that my 2005
Prius, with 110,000 miles, needs a new hybrid
battery. I got the car new, and its been
well-maintained, but the battery has not given us
the 150,000 or 180,000 miles that we had hoped we
could get out of it. Our dealer is willing to
replace the battery pack with a new one for
$3,500 (another dealer would charge $3,995).
Im not sure if a
"used" battery makes sense for a Prius,
and Im not sure if we could find a
non-dealer with the experience necessary to do
the replacement. Does it make sense to move
forward and put a new battery pack in the car? We
just finished paying for the car, so essentially,
well be buying a known entity for $3,500,
but its a bitter pill! Your suggestions? --
TOM: Doesnt that frost
your shorts? The warranty for the battery pack is
100,000 miles, and yours keels over at 110,000.
RAY: Well, the first thing you
should know is that certain states have adopted
what are called California Emissions Rules. If
you registered your car in one of those states,
youre in luck. Because in those states, the
Prius battery warranty is automatically extended
to 10 years or 150,000 miles.
TOM: So if you bought your car
in California, New York, New Jersey,
Massachusetts, Rhode Island, Pennsylvania or
Maine, go back into your dealership, toss
em the keys and say call you when its
TOM: If not, then youve
got two choices. One is to buy a used battery
pack from a Prius thats been in an
accident. Thats a lot cheaper, and it may
work out fine for you.
TOM: Because the Prius
batteries have been so good, there are not a lot
of places that do this. So your best option, in
the end, may be a new battery pack. And $3,500 is
about the right price.
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